The powers that be have determined we can no longer use incandescent light bulbs. Those bulbs apparently use too much energy and…and I don’t know what else, apparently they use too much energy. Because they use so much energy they are more expensive to use and they require power plants to burn more coal. Because power plants burn more coal, the atmosphere is polluted, the Middle East holds us hostage and the world is going to be burned to a cinder.
We know now must use new squiggly light bulbs that cost four times as much as those bulbs which cost more to use and are destroying the planet.
Thank you powers that be for saving the world and saving me money.
They tell me they are saving me money because these bulbs are so efficient and they last three times as long as the old bulbs. The new bulbs that save so much money have been around for years, but people are so stupid they kept buying the inefficient, quick to burn out, earth destroying bulbs so the PTB have made the old bulbs illegal.
I don’t like the new bulbs. They cost three times as much as the old bulbs and the light they produce sucks. It is harsh, it is almost bluish. The bulbs do not last three times longer than the old bulbs. I know the PTB tell me they do, but they do not…DAMMIT THEY DO NOT! I think they last just about as long and maybe not even as long as the old bulbs.
When they do burn out you are not supposed to throw them away with the trash because they have mercury and they are destructive to the planet. The PTB have not told me how to safely dispose of them. I throw them out with the trash because I am an old coot who doesn’t give a damn…you made me use them, but you can’t tell me how to get rid of them. I’m sure all that mercury won’t hurt the planet. I am probably the only one to throw them away with the trash and I don’t use that many every year.
So I want to thank the PTB for forcing me to spend three times as much for light bulbs that put off sucky light, do not last any longer, and pollute the environment when I get rid of them.
At least they use less energy (because the PTB says so) and if I live another 75 years they will be cheaper than the old bulbs, and of course the new bulbs will stop the world from burning up to a cinder.
The PTB always knows what is best for me and I do appreciate it, but when the time comes, when I am told I have little time left above ground, my last wish will be for a pack of cigarettes, a glass of scotch, a 32 oz. chaser of Diet Coke, a smutty book and an incandescent bulb to read it by.