LIGHT BULBS
The powers
that be have determined we can no longer use incandescent light bulbs. Those bulbs apparently use too much energy
and…and I don’t know what else, apparently they use too much energy. Because they use so much energy they are more
expensive to use and they require power plants to burn more coal. Because power plants burn more coal, the
atmosphere is polluted, the Middle East holds us hostage and the world is going
to be burned to a cinder.
We know now
must use new squiggly light bulbs that cost four times as much as those bulbs
which cost more to use and are destroying the planet.
Thank you
powers that be for saving the world and saving me money.
They tell me
they are saving me money because these bulbs are so efficient and they last
three times as long as the old bulbs.
The new bulbs that save so much money have been around for years, but
people are so stupid they kept buying the inefficient, quick to burn out, earth
destroying bulbs so the PTB have made the old bulbs illegal.
I don’t like
the new bulbs. They cost three times as
much as the old bulbs and the light they produce sucks. It is harsh, it is almost bluish. The bulbs do not last three times longer than
the old bulbs. I know the PTB tell me
they do, but they do not…DAMMIT THEY DO NOT!
I think they last just about as long and maybe not even as long as the
old bulbs.
When they do
burn out you are not supposed to throw them away with the trash because they
have mercury and they are destructive to the planet. The PTB have not told me how to safely
dispose of them. I throw them out with
the trash because I am an old coot who doesn’t give a damn…you made me use
them, but you can’t tell me how to get rid of them. I’m sure all that mercury won’t hurt the
planet. I am probably the only one to
throw them away with the trash and I don’t use that many every year.
So I want to
thank the PTB for forcing me to spend three times as much for light bulbs that
put off sucky light, do not last any longer, and pollute the environment when I
get rid of them.
At least
they use less energy (because the PTB says so) and if I live another 75 years
they will be cheaper than the old bulbs, and of course the new bulbs will stop
the world from burning up to a cinder.
The PTB
always knows what is best for me and I do appreciate it, but when the time
comes, when I am told I have little time left above ground, my last wish will
be for a pack of cigarettes, a glass of scotch, a 32 oz. chaser of Diet Coke, a
smutty book and an incandescent bulb to read it by.
DAMMIT!
Sorta reminds me of back when the PTB told us we could no longer buy the old 3.2 gallon per flush toilets, but had to switch to the 1.6 gallon per flush toilets, 'cause they save water, blah, blah.
ReplyDeleteWhat they didn't say was you were going to have to flush them 3 times to get all the stuff down the drain. Umm...do the math egghead gubment bureaucrats: 3 flushes x 1.6 gallons each is MORE than 1 flush x 3.2 gallons per flush.
I'm SO glad they're looking out for us dummys. :)
What would we do without all this help from the government. And what would all those people do for jobs if they weren't taking care of us. Thank goodness we can help those folks have work.
ReplyDeleteso you're one of the hoarders out there buying up the last of the incandescents on the shelves. :)
ReplyDeleteI want to do everything I can to protect future generations from toxins and poisons and depleted resources...but when it comes to light bulbs I sound pretty much like you. Why legislate bulbs that can't be safely discarded? And I HATE blue light. So we got another kind of bulb that is a warmer color but it doesn't come on right away. Okay, if/when I win the lottery I'm establishing a prize for the scientist that creates a really good new low-energy light bulb.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the new bulbs don't last three times as long as the conventional ones. And they certainly are more expensive.
ReplyDeleteThis post is hilarious, but I agree with your post! Boy the jails are gonna be filled with us incandescent users aren't they? I still have several boxes to go through unless the forces come around and take them calling them "contraband"!
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh. What ARE we supposed to do with those poisonous light bulbs that are never supposed to burn out--when they burn out? And which is worse, mercury pollution or coal pollution? I'm with you Cranky.
ReplyDeleteAll true, all true and beautifully expressed. Sob.
ReplyDeleteI would worship at your feet, but I have to go up into the attic and create a hiding place for the huge supply of incandescents I bought last week while they were still legal and available.
A pox on the idiot govt. meddlers.....this is definitely a shitpissfuck event.
I thought I had it figured out.
ReplyDeleteLED bulbs are even cheaper yet to operate and they last even longer ...supposedly.
So I bought some as replacements for the outdoor ornamental fixtures.
It turns out the darn fixtures use a different base than the lamps I purchased.
So now I have six lamps waiting for some other opportunity.
And you didn't even mention that there are some places where the new bulbs just don't fit!!
ReplyDeleteNo, no, no. The swirly bulbs are now passe too. The New Ones are LED's and they supposedly create the same kind of light as the old incandescants but last longer.
ReplyDelete(p.s. I throw my swirly's out with the trash, too. Don't tell the PTB.)
To add insult to injury, when cartoon people get an idea, they'll have one of those swirly monstrosities over their head!
ReplyDeleteyeah the bulb thing ranks up there with cash for clunkers or early hybrids. making these things burns near as much energy as they use in life so the net is about even. the catch is that the nasty formulations take more to recycle than conventional so the net is negative. oh, and don't let anyone know if one of those curly-q's breaks in your house as the concentration of mercury would exceed federal limits and require hazmat cleanup protocols. and you are correct, they last about the same as double-life oldies. i've done side-by-sides several times.
ReplyDeletejust get the new LEDs, they actually do last longer and are not nearly as environmentally damaging as the green alternatives.
Here in Aus. there are places you can go to dispose of your worn out squiggly bulbs, but I can't get there by bus or even buses, so I chuck them in the trash too. I find mine last about two years per bulb and since I only have four lights in my entire home (plus one lamp used maybe 5 minutes a day)I don't find the cost too hard to bear. However, I DO agree the light they produce is sucky as you say. I'll be happy if they ever produce a bulb that lights up my living room like the sun lights up the sky. I want to SEE dammit!
ReplyDelete@Lowandslow; don't you have dual flush toilets, so you can choose the 1.6 for wees and the larger flush for bulkier needs?
ReplyDelete@Xavier; but do the new LEDs come with bayonet fittings like the old incandescents? Because that's the fittings I have in my ceilings with no hope of being able to replace them. There's another flat right above my ceiling.
ReplyDeleteI am sure going to miss the old fashioned light bulbs. We were so excited when we first got electricity in our neighborhood in India and those light bulbs were more than a means of giving light.
ReplyDeleteCliché, but well said.
ReplyDeleteSince the inception of the squiggly bulbs, I counted on the recessed lighting in me kitchen and family room. Now something is going on with those bulbs too; the husband tells me that they now cost an arm and a leg too, and have changed. I guess I'll get an oil filled lantern and carry it around with me.
By the way, is it just me, or do the squiggly bulbs burn out slowly – meaning you don't realize that your light is lessening. Instead you think your eyes are getting worse. I'd rather have the bulb to burn with that good ol' pop.
Lowandslow - amen to the toilet situation. Gotta keep a plunger handy nowadays.
@River- Supposedly they are available, though I have yet to see them anywhere. My guess is they'll be a fortune to purchase.
ReplyDeleteThe law as written supposedly has a clause to allow decorative incandescent bulbs but in practice even they have not been spared. Logic and reasonability are not options here.
Where would be without someone to tell us what light bulbs we can use?
ReplyDeleteI loved this post. Hubby LOVES the new bulbs, and has been obsessed with them for a while. I'm not a fan, basically for the same reasons you gave. It's nice to know there's someone else out there who isn't a fan. :-)