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Friday, January 31, 2014

DRIVING MR. CRANKY


DRIVING MR. CRANKY
 
 
In a recent post I slipped and let it be known that Mrs. Cranky does almost all the driving in our family.  There are several reasons for this.  First, for a while I couldn’t see that well especially at night due to cataracts in each eye.  Then often when we went out to eat I had too much wine and scotch to drive.  Those problems have been addressed, but I just got used to Mrs. C driving.

In previous lives I always drove.   I was just a better more experienced driver than wife #1 and I was never comfortable as a passenger.  Wife #2 was an even worse driver, plus when she had an anxiety attack, which was often, she drove fast and crazy.  I think she was trying to have an accident and then somehow blame it on me…don’t even ask…it is very difficult living in the land of insane.

Anyway.

Mrs. C is not only a good driver, but she never gets lost.  She knows every road in New Jersey and has an uncanny sense of direction.  I just relax and “leave the driving to her.”

The only thing I have to get used to is that Mrs. C, who is half Irish and half Italian, becomes full on Italian-attitude behind the wheel.  My mild mannered sweet wife behind the wheel is a whole new person.

 Everyone else on the road is an asshole.

“Look at this asshole trying to get into my lane.”

“Well I think he wants to take the exit.”

“Don’t defend him, he’s an asshole!”

“Yes dear.”

“Dude move over! Asshole!”

“I think she’s an eighty year old cue tip, maybe you should cut her some slack.”

“Then she shouldn’t be on the road…MOVE OVER…asshole!”

“Yes sweetie,”

“Did you see that idiot swerve in front of me? What an asshole”

“Well it was a BMW, so yes he is an asshole.”

My friend Scott Z. would tell me that having your wife drive should make you take two steps back on the great “Tuffy Tuffy Tuff Guy*” game board of life. 

Actually I think it should allow me a free roll.

 

13 comments:

  1. I am glad that MrsC. drives safe. I believe in safe driving too and like her I feel that there a re quite a few idiots on the road.LOL

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  2. I drive a lot when my husband and I go out because (1) he drives a lot going to his different jobs and (2) he is really a terrible driver. There's a lot less yelling (from me) if I drive.

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  3. And this is why I leave the bulk of my driving to the bus driver, where I am then free to make sneaky little notes about all the weirdos -- myself included! -- on the bus.

    :-)

    Pearl

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  4. So BMW drivers and assholes are universally synonymous? Good to know. I thought that was just Dallas.

    I do almost all of our family driving, but that doesn't stop the Ms from giving me her thoughts of my driving (which is very good BTW). LOOK OUT! Too close. Move over...MOVE OVER! WATCH OUT! That car ahead is slowing down. Sheesh.

    S

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  5. I do most of the driving when Doc and I go out together because his driving makes me crazy....way too slooow. He doesn't seem to mind.

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  6. Mrs. Cranky sounds like me behind the wheel - It must be the Italian in her. I wish I had MRs. Cranky sense of direction I get lost walking

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  7. She would have a ball on the German Autobahn. Mercedes and BMWs are speed demons and love to flash their lights, which by the way has been outlawed and can get the driver a fine. They don't care.

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  8. My Mrs. C. (who drives a BMW) does most of the driving for us. As an artist I tend to distract easily. A pretty cloud can send me into a ditch.

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  9. I'm sure Mrs. C would agree, there are 2 types of drivers on the road. Idiots--those who go slower than you, & maniacs--those who go faster. Of course, they are ALL assholes!!

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  10. I'm OK with driving, but don't do well with the never get lost thing. My sister not only has a map of the USA in her head, her unerring sense of direction get us out of every pickle cause my my directional dyslexia. "Oh, you meant the other right!"
    I can so relate to the night driving thing with cataracts, of which I have one left. You all went on about color, but it's not the color I love, it's the center line and the edge lines reappearing.
    Mr.s C is a treasure. Anyone who can navigate NJ, with the jug handles and the concrete barriers is super driver!

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  11. The only time I can tolerate riding with my husband is on the highway, where I no longer have a desire to set tread. Oh, and he's an asshole. The kind that gets in the fast lane and refuses to break his cruise control to go with the flow of traffic.

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  12. I'll have to second what Steve said about the German Autobahn.

    I'll also have to second what Stephen said about pretty clouds.

    When we travel, Mr. Peeper does most of the driving, though we do take turns. He doesn't like driving at night, especially when it rains, so I take over on those occasions. I only hold the camera, ready to snap pictures, while he drives.

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