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Friday, June 7, 2013

EVEN MORE EMAILS TO CRANKY

EVEN MORE EMAILS TO CRANKY


Emails, I get emails, I get lots of funny emails

 

From FRAT BRO Squeak

Michelle Wie - pro golfer.

Matching lavender outfit worth $2000.

New pair of French sunglasses worth $500.

NIKE products Endorsements worth $10,000,000.
That handy gadget to hold your putter ....
Priceless!!!


Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another

dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's

interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's

happy to see you.

 

 

FROM BRENDA
 
 

 

FROM FRAT BRO FAST FREDDIE J.

How to tell time in Italy


 

FROM FRAT BRO MARTY K.

Is prostitution legal in Texas?  I don’t think so...but a good story anyway!

 

YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

MT. VERNON , TEXAS WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!

Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response. the local Baptist Church across the street started a campaign to block the business from expanding with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening, when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer."
 

But late last week Jill Diamond , the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."

 
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied any and all responsibility, or any connection to the building's destruction.
 
The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case.   It appears from the paperwork that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bullshit!" 

 

 


OLD FART PRIDE

I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see.

  • Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment  They know the words and believe in them.
  • Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam .
  • If you bump into an Old Fart on the pavement they will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women.
  • Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
  • Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
  • Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren.
  • It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

    This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values..

    We need them now more than ever.

    Thank God for Old Farts!

    Pass this on to all the "Old Farts" you know.


I was taught to respect my elders…..It's just getting harder to find them.

I guess I only qualify for part Old Fart

 

One more from Marty K.

The Miracle of Wine



Praise the Lord!
 
Keep 'em Coming Folks
 
 

5 comments:

  1. Thank God for the Old Farts in this country!

    ReplyDelete
  2. laughing at the wine. and the texas one is spot on. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Heh, heh. The dog list and the wine tickled my funnybone.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Texas lawsuit is classic!!

    ReplyDelete

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