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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

BAD NEWS TRAVELS FAST


 
 
 
BAD NEWS TRAVELS FAST
So I’m on the beach all by my lonesome because Mrs. Cranky went to work, and the NC Crankettes are not due to arrive until 6 pm.  This old dude (I know, I think everyone is old and I’m still 28 even though I’m really 67.)
Anyway
This old dude saunters up the beach and makes a crack about how no one is swimming when the water is so warm.  I’m thinking “Fuck you asshole the water is 62 and that is cold even in New Jersey.”
So
He dives in and is out in about 40 seconds and comes up to some lady he apparently knows and starts a conversation.  I am listening in because that is what I do. 
“Yada, yada, yada…home prices, yada, yada, yada, Sandy, Yada, yada, yada…construction, blah blah, traffic…blah, blah you’d think that yada, yada, yada…”
So I just about tune this blow hard out and I hear, “Well that is it with the hot weather, it is low 80’s now and there is rain every day for the next 8 days!”
Now my ears perked up.  First of all at the shore we crave hot weather.  If it is in the 90’s we can call home and brag about how cool it is by the water (I know shallow, but what can I say?) Second of all, with three Crankettes coming all the way from NC, I really don’t want to hear “RAIN!”
Damn, this jerk weed got me all depressed.  I had not heard the weather as we lost cable and internet yesterday (a whole nother story.)
I drag my butt back to our beach house…er beach room behind the garage…and check my i-phone.  The temperature is 91, and is not expected to go below 85 for the next week.  There are warnings for thunderstorms every day.
The weather report for the summer in New Jersey calls for a chance of afternoon thunderstorms EVERY DAY FROM JUNE TO SEPTEMBER!!! Why is this jerk weed telling the whole beach that the next 8 days will be a wash out? 
Why do people love to announce bad news when they don’t really have a clue?
AND
If the water is so friggin warm you giant a-hole, stay in it for more than 40 seconds YOU BIG FRIGGIN BLOW HARD A-HOLE BAD NEWS SPEWING JERK!!
Did I mention I get extra cranky when I am without Cable TV and the internet?
Hey, I just got internet back…Never mind.
 
 
 

12 comments:

  1. I can send you a Negative Free Zone button to pin on folks when they do that.

    It works really good when you straighten the pin so it's perpendicular to the button.

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  2. Sounds like you need a pitcher of margaritas to calm down and relax. Besides, a little warm rain when you're on the beach in a swimsuit can be refreshing.

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  3. joe, you seriously have lived up to your name... cranky! LOL

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  4. I hope the arrival of the NC Crankettes cheers you up a bit.
    Now I'm off to read some blog with a little gluten in it. :)

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  5. Our forecast calls for 106 by the weekend, which means the pool water will be about 99. You'll love it. Come on down! (I'll be wavin' at ya out the window :)

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  6. Yeah Joe, I love people like that too. I like Skip's idea.

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  7. No comment to make today, Sweetness!!

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  8. Chill out and take a swim...lol

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  9. well dang... you enjoy your crankdomness. ain't nobody gonna sit and jerk around with someone they think's a jerk unless it gives them pleasure.

    and that's the truth ~

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  10. Send that guy my way. I'd like to commiserate with him on the state of the DMV in Missouri.

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  11. Lol Joe, I have been internetless for a week now and have resorted to blogging on my phone from the pub. its pissing down with rain as I type this AND the crickets been rained off (I live near the county ground) so the pub is filled with a load of very loud half cut cricket buffs . I'M pissed off ;-)

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