BAD NEWS TRAVELS FAST
So I’m on
the beach all by my lonesome because Mrs. Cranky went to work, and the NC
Crankettes are not due to arrive until 6 pm.
This old dude (I know, I think everyone is old and I’m still 28 even
though I’m really 67.)
Anyway
This old
dude saunters up the beach and makes a crack about how no one is swimming when
the water is so warm. I’m thinking “Fuck
you asshole the water is 62 and that is cold even in New Jersey.”
So
He dives in
and is out in about 40 seconds and comes up to some lady he apparently knows
and starts a conversation. I am
listening in because that is what I do.
“Yada, yada,
yada…home prices, yada, yada, yada, Sandy, Yada, yada, yada…construction, blah
blah, traffic…blah, blah you’d think that yada, yada, yada…”
So I just
about tune this blow hard out and I hear, “Well that is it with the hot
weather, it is low 80’s now and there is rain every day for the next 8 days!”
Now my ears
perked up. First of all at the shore we
crave hot weather. If it is in the 90’s
we can call home and brag about how cool it is by the water (I know shallow,
but what can I say?) Second of all, with three Crankettes coming all the way
from NC, I really don’t want to hear “RAIN!”
Damn, this
jerk weed got me all depressed. I had
not heard the weather as we lost cable and internet yesterday (a whole nother
story.)
I drag my
butt back to our beach house…er beach room behind the garage…and check my
i-phone. The temperature is 91, and is
not expected to go below 85 for the next week.
There are warnings for thunderstorms every day.
The weather
report for the summer in New Jersey calls for a chance of afternoon
thunderstorms EVERY DAY FROM JUNE TO
SEPTEMBER!!! Why is this jerk weed telling the whole beach that the next 8
days will be a wash out?
Why do
people love to announce bad news when they don’t really have a clue?
AND
If the water
is so friggin warm you giant a-hole, stay in it for more than 40 seconds YOU BIG FRIGGIN BLOW HARD A-HOLE BAD NEWS
SPEWING JERK!!
Did I
mention I get extra cranky when I am without Cable TV and the internet?
Hey, I just
got internet back…Never mind.
I can send you a Negative Free Zone button to pin on folks when they do that.
ReplyDeleteIt works really good when you straighten the pin so it's perpendicular to the button.
CHILL!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you need a pitcher of margaritas to calm down and relax. Besides, a little warm rain when you're on the beach in a swimsuit can be refreshing.
ReplyDeletejoe, you seriously have lived up to your name... cranky! LOL
ReplyDeleteI hope the arrival of the NC Crankettes cheers you up a bit.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm off to read some blog with a little gluten in it. :)
Our forecast calls for 106 by the weekend, which means the pool water will be about 99. You'll love it. Come on down! (I'll be wavin' at ya out the window :)
ReplyDeleteYeah Joe, I love people like that too. I like Skip's idea.
ReplyDeleteNo comment to make today, Sweetness!!
ReplyDeleteChill out and take a swim...lol
ReplyDeletewell dang... you enjoy your crankdomness. ain't nobody gonna sit and jerk around with someone they think's a jerk unless it gives them pleasure.
ReplyDeleteand that's the truth ~
Send that guy my way. I'd like to commiserate with him on the state of the DMV in Missouri.
ReplyDeleteLol Joe, I have been internetless for a week now and have resorted to blogging on my phone from the pub. its pissing down with rain as I type this AND the crickets been rained off (I live near the county ground) so the pub is filled with a load of very loud half cut cricket buffs . I'M pissed off ;-)
ReplyDelete