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Friday, June 21, 2013

THE PINKY SPECIALIST - a Cranky re-run

Cranky Old Man is on his way to the Jersey Shore for a much needed vacation from doing nothing.  Here is a re-run from June 2012 while I'm packing and un-packing.

Sometimes I look back on my life and I think I never fulfilled my potential.  I was a low level manager at a brokerage firm for forty years.  What a waste.  I should have been a doctor.

I think I would have made a great doctor.  The only issue that probably would have held me back as a doctor is I have always been a little bit lazy.  Doctors have to work hard and they have to know a lot of stuff.

Sometimes I think maybe I could have been a podiatrist.  They only have to know about feet.  How hard could that be?  Feet?  They are really not that complicated.  But then…

There is hammer toe, bunions, flat feet, toe nail problems, arch problems; I would probably even have to know about ankles and stuff.  There are a lot of bones in feet and every one of them can cause problems and require different treatments.  

A podiatrist might have been a bit much for me.  Still, I think I would have made a great doctor.  Maybe I could have just narrowed down my practice.

If I had it to do over again, I would have become a doctor.  I would have been pinky specialist.   What are there; three bones and a nail?  I could have easily learned everything there is to know about the pinky.  You don’t put a broken pinky bone in a cast; you just wrap it with a popsicle stick and some duct tape.  A cut pinky hardly ever needs stiches; generally a band aide will do.  If as a doctor you screw up it is only a pinky.  People can do just fine without a pinky.  A pinky specialist does not have that much pressure.

It is too late for me to go back and start a new career.  It’s too bad.  I think I would have been a great Pinky Specialist.

Dr. Cranky “Pinkies R Us”


  1. As an option may I suggest you set up your practice in Norfolk and become a Navel doctor. ;)


  2. i think you're on to something! enjoy the trip!

  3. Have a lovely holiday and you forgot one VERY good reason not to be a podiatrist - Fungle nail infections!!!

  4. I don't think my insurance would cover you!!

  5. What was wrong with low level brokering for a lazy man? Have a good vacation.

  6. I don't care whether or not you're a "certified" pinkie specialist. The next time I have a pinkie issue I'm heading your way.

  7. Yes, pinky doctoring would be fairly simple. My mom got a FAT RED PINKY FINGER due to infection, and her doctor merely recommended amputation. Of course I made her seek a second opinion, and an orthopedic specialist got her fixed up with bone-scraping surgery.

  8. A pinky specialist would be just dandy for you. Yeah, you don't wanta be a podiatrist. (Have you ever seen a case of jungle rot?)

    Enjoy your time "down the ocean."

  9. Hmmm. I don't know. The pinky finger is still pretty important. Without it, what would you lift up while drinking tea? And everyone sees our hands. They would see if a finger is missing.

    Now, the pinky toe is quite another thing. It's a useless appendage with a nail that you can barely see. Remember that Seinfeld episode when the lady's pinky toe was severed? and Kramer put it on ice and rushed it to the hospital so they could reattach it? Yeah, well...he thought it was a very useful appendage, but Jerry and the rest of the gang begged to differ.

    Anyway, THAT is the kind of doctor I think you could be. A pinky toe doctor. If you lose a pinky toe, you can always put a sock and shoe on your foot, and no one would know the difference! And it's way smaller than the pinky finger, so any cut or anything...well, do they even make bandages that small? Just put some Super Glue on the cut and call it a day.

  10. Interesting how our minds conjure up stuff. you just had yourself a fine conjuring time...

    I kinda like those days when I do that ... I always thought it would have been really swell to be an animal whisperer...

    That's why I liked Disney films so much ... talk with the animals ... like Cinderella's little bird and mouse pals? jeeez that would be fun. the original Dr. Doolittle ... talk with the animals ... chatting with a chimp in chimpanzee..

    loved Cheetah too ...

  11. Katrina--and Kramer did it while driving a city bus and MAKING ALL THE STOPS!

  12. too bad you didn't of it, joe... a pinky specialist is most likely in high demand... lol


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