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Monday, June 3, 2013

FASHION DICTATORS - a cranky re-run

re-run from May 2012
Miss J. Alexander TV Fashion expert dude
Who are these people who tell us what to wear and how to decorate?  Why do we listen to them?  Most of these fashion/decorator dictators have lifestyle tastes totally different from mine and yet I am supposed to listen to them about how to dress and what colors to put in my living room (do people still have living rooms?  I know parlors are out.)

A perfectly nice gay gentleman just informed me that artificial flowers in the house are bad feng shui.  I am sure this dude knows his design, but he does not know me.  We are different, why should his design ideas mean anything to me?  I don’t ask him for ideas on sex partners why do I care about his ideas on design?  What is feng shui and why should I care?  Do dead flowers bring good feng shui, because that’s what happens to my flowers?

Look, sometimes I admit I have no idea about what clothes to wear and I will ask for advice.  There are times when I seek another’s opinion on designing a room.  Some things I just do not care that deeply about and I want to know what most people find acceptable.  BUT…It just annoys the hell out of me when some TV fashion expert dude puts down things that I do like. 

You pretentious asshole!  You are wearing orange pants, a shirt with a giant daisy print, purple boots, multi colored hair in a huge bouffant, lipstick and blue crap on your eye lids and you tell some poor slub, “Honey you have no taste.”  AND…The poor slub LISTENS!!

Let me answer for that poor TV slub.

“Listen jerk-weed I do have taste.  I don’t have your taste.  You like penis; I prefer vigina.  I don’t care about texture or curves or style or ‘pop’ or mauve.  If I want to wear black, then that is my taste.  If I want a frickin moose head on my wall, then that is my taste, if I want steak, and cheese flipping pie makes me throw the F-up, please do not tell me I have no taste.  I don’t have your taste you arrogant douche!”

Those that know me will say, “But Cranky, I’ve seen where you live, I know how you dress; you don’t wear black, and there is no moose head in your home.”

This is true.  Am I a hypocrite? Listen, I sleep with Mrs. Cranky, I defer to her taste.


  1. Ah Ha! Someone else who feels exactly as I do about this kind of nonsense. And yes, Mrs Old AF Sarge does ALL of the decorating AND buys all my clothes. But her taste is far superior to those fashion dictators on the telly.

  2. I'm pretty sure Miss J Alexander is just a big science experiment the tv execs came up with to see exactly how stupid their viewers are. They grabbed some random dude off the streets, turned him into a giant freak while advertising him as a Fashion Expert, and like magic, everyone listens. It's brilliant if you think about it.

  3. Double snap and around the world WORD

  4. Have you seen "What Not to Wear"? Sometimes the plus sized ladies look worse when they're finished!!

  5. You tell 'em Cranky!

    So this "Miss J Alexander" is real? Never heard of him/her/it. My summer wardrobe comes from LLBean (shorts and T-shirts) and my winter wardrobe comes from whoever stocks Wrangler jeans. Am I in style? Probably not. Do I care? Meh. ;)


  6. I support you. Even if you want to wear a frickin moose head, and hang black clothes on your wall.

  7. I have no idea what this post even references. so...i can live in my sweats all day and be happy and put my sparkles on for my hubby...see? ignorance is really bliss.

  8. For me, "fashion" is what's available for a reasonable price, and once I get it, I wear it until it all but falls apart or no longer fits. (Darned things shrink, ya know!) Some things I wear for so many years, they go out of style... and then come back in again. So I don't give a good diddle what some so-called "expert" thinks about what I should wear. And my hubby? He cares even less about his clothing choices.

  9. Dude,

    I kill all my plants too, but the plastic bunch of roses I bought my wife (I swear that's true!) lives on in our bedroom - nine years later :)