|Miss J. Alexander TV Fashion expert dude|
Monday, June 3, 2013
FASHION DICTATORS - a cranky re-run
re-run from May 2012
Who are these people who tell us what to wear and how to decorate? Why do we listen to them? Most of these fashion/decorator dictators have lifestyle tastes totally different from mine and yet I am supposed to listen to them about how to dress and what colors to put in my living room (do people still have living rooms? I know parlors are out.)
A perfectly nice gay gentleman just informed me that artificial flowers in the house are bad feng shui. I am sure this dude knows his design, but he does not know me. We are different, why should his design ideas mean anything to me? I don’t ask him for ideas on sex partners why do I care about his ideas on design? What is feng shui and why should I care? Do dead flowers bring good feng shui, because that’s what happens to my flowers?
Look, sometimes I admit I have no idea about what clothes to wear and I will ask for advice. There are times when I seek another’s opinion on designing a room. Some things I just do not care that deeply about and I want to know what most people find acceptable. BUT…It just annoys the hell out of me when some TV fashion expert dude puts down things that I do like.
You pretentious asshole! You are wearing orange pants, a shirt with a giant daisy print, purple boots, multi colored hair in a huge bouffant, lipstick and blue crap on your eye lids and you tell some poor slub, “Honey you have no taste.” AND…The poor slub LISTENS!!
Let me answer for that poor TV slub.
“Listen jerk-weed I do have taste. I don’t have your taste. You like penis; I prefer vigina. I don’t care about texture or curves or style or ‘pop’ or mauve. If I want to wear black, then that is my taste. If I want a frickin moose head on my wall, then that is my taste, if I want steak, and cheese flipping pie makes me throw the F-up, please do not tell me I have no taste. I don’t have your taste you arrogant douche!”
Those that know me will say, “But Cranky, I’ve seen where you live, I know how you dress; you don’t wear black, and there is no moose head in your home.”
This is true. Am I a hypocrite? Listen, I sleep with Mrs. Cranky, I defer to her taste.