STUPID HEADLINES 032821
Cheerleader at Applebees performs CPR on man having a seizure – Give me a "C" give me a “P” give me an “R”, give me a “CPR!”
Ex-UFO program chief explains the three leading theories on the origin of UFOs – 1. they are from another planet. 2. They are from another planet. 3. They are from another planet.
Most people fall into an 'internet wormhole' five times a week – WTF?
Children's book on Dr. Anthony Fauci set for June – “Do you like Covid-19?” “I do not like it, get the vaccine!” “Do you like it on a chair, do you like it in the air?” “I do not like it on a chair, I do not like it in the air, I do not like Covid-19 I do not like it, get the vaccine!”
Ukraine health ministry says woman who died after COVID vaccine had no side effects – Well, other than death, there were no side effects.
Canada's $645,000 toilet questioned by critics – If the toilet seat could actually answer any questions, it would explain why the damn thing cost $645,000.
Iowa woman, 104, gets COVID-19 vaccine decades after surviving 1918 flu pandemic – Woman says, “This pandemic thing every hundred years is getting tiring!”
First house on the moon could be yours for $60M – A bit expensive, but it does have a beautiful view of Earth.
Prison guard 'who gave birth to a convicted murder's child after sex romps behind bars' sobs in court as she's spared jail – She used the George Costanza plea, “Is that wrong? Should I not have done that? Because if I knew that was wrong, I never would have had sex with that prisoner.”
Swan terrorizes homeowners by constantly knocking on front doors – And I thought the Jehovah’s Witnesses were bad.