Stupid Headlines 020320
Back by popular demand
(Actually no one asked for it, but
this is for the non-existent Silent Majority)
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY (on Monday)
This week’s
stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.
__________________________________
Goop is
selling a vagina-scented candle, and it's already sold out – So, I’m guessing they only made one.
Meghan
Markle plans to move to Los Angeles only after Trump leaves office – And I need to care because?
2 teen snowboarders
lost in Canadian backcountry burned homework to survive – If teachers don’t buy the “The dog
ate my homework” excuse, this excuse will surely fail also!
Oscar
Mayer Weinermobile pulled over by Wisconsin cops – The driver was unaware of little-known
Wisconsin rule requiring drivers of giant hotdogs to wear a cheese-head hat.
Car thief
locks himself inside car – He may want to try a different profession.
Harvey
Weinstein hit with hotel fee for smoking in room – I wouldn’t mine if he was smoking
because he was also on fire. I love seeing pompous fat pock-faced
woman assaulting assholes get their comeuppance.
(Does that
make me a bad person?)
Moose
traps Alaska man inside shed while he frantically calls wife – “Hello, Thelma, yeah, I’m going to be
a bit late for dinner.”
Vegetarian
food company develops nicotine-like 'meat patch' to help curb cravings – I bet you thought you would never see
the term “Meat patch” in a news headline.
Canadian
teen calls cops after fake ID doesn’t arrive – I sense a future car thief getting
locked in a car.
Massachusetts
serial pooper arrested after police catch her defecating in parking lot – Ewww…just EWWW!
Man
arrested for smoking marijuana while in court for marijuana charge – The line to Idiotville forms behind
the car thief and the Canadian teen.
FEEL GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK
Brewery
helps shelter dogs find forever homes — by putting their faces on beer cans – I don’t know why, but this does it
for me.
There are some real mental giants out there. You can't make this stuff up.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to add one more story for you:
Man Photographed Pooping In an Aisle at the Marina Safeway.
Have a fabulous day and week, Joe. ��
Weinstein going to court using a walker has been killing me.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Great headlines & comebacks on your part--thanks Joe. The term "comeuppance", that's a good one you don't hear too often these days!
ReplyDeletePS. Okay I just looked at that Safeway link that Sandee posted--WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!
Aww, I have missed these. Thanks Joe. And the teens took their homework with them snowboarding because----??
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh! I liked your prediction that the Fake ID Complainer is headed for a career of car-thieving self-imprisonment.
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOSH! Now "meatless" has become the new "hating snow," which WAS the new "I don't watch TV except for PBS." Why is this now a bandwagon that all fast food chains have jumped on? A few days ago, I read that KFC is developing MEATLESS CHICKEN!
Always enjoy your headlines and comments. And why would anyone need a patch for that?
ReplyDelete"Moose traps Alaska man inside shed while he frantically calls wife – “Hello, Thelma, yeah, I’m going to be a bit late for dinner.” "
ReplyDeleteso who is calling the Missus? The Man or the Moose?
I've read about Goop. Over-hyped and over-priced in my opinion.