Stupid Headlines 021520
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| No they tell me! |
This week’s stupid headlines and my
stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.
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Extremely
obese' owl released back into wild after being put on strict diet – Owl was ordered to only eat sugar-free,
gluten-free, low-fat mice.
How to
change a flat tire safely – “Hello, Triple A…I have a flat tire.”
India residents
surprised to find beer, brandy, rum mixture coming out of kitchen faucets – Surprised, but not disappointed.
Canadian
businessman says he burned $1M in cash to avoid paying ex-wife child support – This Hoser is trying to hose
her. I bet it doesn’t work.
Colorado
college will start offering a cannabis major in the fall – WOW, a PHD in POT!
The school’s
motto is “Quisque Dudus.” *
Everything
you need to know about haute couture – I’m 74 and do not even know what haute couture is, so apparently,
I don’t NEED to know anything about it.
Biden
calls voter a 'lying dog-faced pony soldier – Please vote for this guy, he is funnier than SNL.
Ford
thinks people will be making-out and eating shrimp in the electric Mustang
Mach-E – “Making-out
and eating shrimp” all good, but not sure at the same time.
East
Brunswick, NJ Shuts Down Road For Salamander Migration – Years ago I was always late for work
during damn salamander migration season!
Twitter
praises couple's unique marijuana-themed baby names – To each his own, but “Pothead”
or “Doobie” would not have been my first choices for a name.
Warren
Buffett just lost $1 billion in 2 days – That’s a lot of money, but I’m still not going to give
to his “GoFundMe” page!
FEEL GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK
Delta
reunites girl with missing doll of military dad – A rare feel-good story involving an
Airline.
*Whatever Dude
That owl had irritable owl syndrome.
ReplyDeleteHaute couture is what you wear when on a ladder.
The headline in our local paper said that a prison van full of prisoners had collided with a lorry full of concrete. The police are looking for some hardened criminals.
God bless.
I cracked up when I heard Joe with his "lying dog-faced pony soldier" quip. Wish I had that in my vocabulary years ago. As long as you smile when you say it, it's a hoot.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder if these headline writers write them on purpose for our enjoyment. And I'm glad you round them up for us. Does that mean that Warren can't eat out one night this week?
ReplyDeleteHaha--Joe, love your comebacks. Well, these headlines make me think it was a slow week in the world of news, but that's probably a good thing :)
ReplyDeleteI gotta read more about that Canadian businessman torching a million bucks--wth!!
These are so funny! Especially your replies! They did explain a few things for me however. We have a couple of owls here at the Pines and now I know what happened to all our girl scout cookies! (hehe) We must have had a cannabis major at work last week. The patient had a few "cannabis" smokes followed by 3 oatmeal cookies and we had to cancel him. Finals week is so hard! Have a great Sunday!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs, and the wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think I'd rather live in India, the land of flowing beer and brandy, than in Canada with a money-burner, or New Brunswick, New Jersey with its salamander migration.
ReplyDelete