When it is OK to Be Judgmental
I recently found this post while cleaning out my Documents File. I don’t think I ever posted it. I checked and could not find it on Blogger. I probably thought it too mean spirited at the time. Today I am feeling just cranky enough to post it.
I hope I don’t upset and lose any on my 17 readers with this post, but I feel it makes a fair observation.
There are some things and or habits that it is perfectly OK to be critical of, and even be rude to others who have specific behavior, then there are other habits or behavior that it is unacceptable to berate anyone for.
Smokers: Smokers have a choice to smoke or not smoke and therefore it is perfectly OK to confront them and berate them for their choice. It is apparently acceptable to confront a smoker and tell him “You know that is killing you don’t you?” Or when outside, “Why do I have to suffer from your second hand smoke?”
Now as an ex-smoker I must admit I do not like the smell, but instead of hating on the smokers, I feel sorry for them. I know that this “Habit’ is in fact a very powerful addiction. Some studies say it is possibly more difficult to break than heroin. Currently smokers can basically only smoke in their own home. Smokers pay about $6 a day in taxes, and suffer health issues. Why is it OK to hate on them?
Drug Addiction: On the other hand, drug addicts, often the dregs of society, sometimes hooked because of the rampant prescribing of pain pills are treated better than smokers. People simply step over sidewalk sleeping addicts. I never hear of someone going up to a drug addict and saying, “You know that stuff is killing you don’t you?” Or “Why do I have to step over and or smell your sidewalk feces?”
People are not rude to drug addicts, they pity them…not sure what the difference is, but smokers are despised, drug addicts pitied.
Fat people: Almost all fat people are addicted to sugar. You think it is glandular or hereditary? Just look at old films of the early 1900’s, zillions of people in NYC hustling back and forth, not a one is overweight. People are overweight because they are sedentary and addicted to sugar. I fight the problem myself.
Does anyone ever go up to a fat person and say, “You know that weight is killing you don’t you?” Or “Why do I have to smell your sweaty body odor?” No, they do not.
Drunks: I have been to a million parties where there are obnoxious drunks and they are seldom called out on it. Drunks are tolerated, sometimes even encouraged even though they are really obnoxious…and yes I have been guilty of this in the past. Seldom are they told “Shut the F up, you are obnoxious and making a fool of yourself.” Next day drunkenness is often a thing to brag about. “Man, I was sooo waisted last night.” No one ever tells them, “Dude you were wasted and you were an embarrassing pain in the ass!” And by the way, that stuff will kill you!”
These days I often hear women speak of “Mommies little helper,” and joke and brag about that glass of wine or two (three) they have every night. They are never scolded, but truth is many of these women are alcoholics as bad as the man who has to stop into the bar every day after work. It is a problem, but it is not acceptable to point it out.
Why is it sometimes OK to correct a person’s spelling errors, especially ones that are obvious editing mistakes, you know the ones even spell check misses, and yet those who use poor grammar are never corrected.
A person will say, “I had went to my mom house to be getting loaned some money” And never be corrected; but write a blog and use the word ‘isle’ instead of ‘aisle’ and you will be attacked and labeled a moron.
If you told me that you love knitting, I would never say anything other than “That must be a relaxing hobby” Or “It must be nice to have a hobby that makes useful things.”
Truth is I think knitting is silly and I would find it incredibly boring…I would never say that, no one would. (Please forget I just said it)
It is perfectly OK and quite common for people to tell me that my pastime of TV watching is stupid and TV is horrible and boring. Or if I mention I love playing golf there are always people who have to volunteer that, “It is such a silly game chasing a little white ball around the grass.”
I am not complaining mind you…well actually I am, but mostly I am just curious; why is it socially acceptable to be rude or dismissive of some behavior while others are to be simply pitied and or ignored?
I try really hard not to judge, but I’m not always successful.ReplyDelete
I like think that it’s just an opinion.
Mostly, I keep them to myself.
I do understand the difficulty in stopping smoking... it took me forever.
I might have an occasional wish to judge but I keep it to myself. Others must do as they think fit but it's their choice. I could brag about stopping smoking but I realise it's each to their own so I keep my thoughts to myself. Stopping smoking was an achievement and it made me proud that I had done it.ReplyDelete
It is strange, isn't it?ReplyDelete
It can be tempting to judge or say something, the fact is, though, i need to remember that if it were not for The Lord's grace and mercy i'd be even worse than they. In fact, i pity smokers a lot, it's such a hard habit to break.ReplyDelete
And if i notice an editing error, i will keep my mouth shut. If you read my lists, however, and see an error, please let me know, i am always correcting and updating but even so i'm busy enough that i miss things, thank you!
I do think people are mean and rude to all of the folks you mentioned, but often it's not as blatant.ReplyDelete
Some of those things I may think but I'd never say unless it was a family member I was concerned about. Even then, I am careful.ReplyDelete
I do not judge anyone ever. I dislike everybody equally.ReplyDelete
As a lifelong fat person myself, let me just say (apologies to Monty Python):ReplyDelete
I fart in your general direction. . . ;)
All good points, I've had a few fingers wagged at me over the years and I don't get mad, I just think too bad, cuz now this person doesn't need to be seeing or hearing from me again. But you also bring up a good point about some things being considered cool, like getting wasted on drugs or booze. I've been watching 'Saturday Night Live' for 45 years now, everytime a drug reference is made, the studio audience whoops & cheers. Why is it so cool? Was it cool when John Belushi, one of the original cast, overdosed at the ripe old age of 32?ReplyDelete
Rarely are the judgers without characteristics that need judging themselves.ReplyDelete
People need to remember that scripture which says basically look at the plank in your eye before you condemn the splinter in another person's eye. Most of us have planks but want to call out the splinters in others. I know I'm guilty of that. And now I'm trying to think if I ever said TV was boring; if I did, I do apologize. And then I guess I'll have to apologize to my hubby for calling the news show he watches for about 2 hours most mornings "redundant." (but they do report the same news over and over......) Working on my own plank now.ReplyDelete
My parents used to make me walk the plank. We did not have a dog.Delete
Life is a strange mixture of annoyances, live and let live, looking down the nose and just plain hypocrisy, I guess it matters where you are and where you are in your life. It does make a difference.ReplyDelete
You will of course delete this, but I can see why you didn't post it before. You do know many of your posts make you seem not only cranky, but mean, and small. Probably won't comment here again, but Joe, I hope your actual life is not like this, and most of your posts are fiction. For your sake.ReplyDelete
Yes Mike I know, I am very mean and small, you are a wonderful person, now please stop reading my posts. You don't like me, so what? I wanted to respect you for your service and your profession, but I think you are kind of a dick, and clearly not a very happy person. I am actually very happy, even if a bit grumpy, I have an active relationship with a wonderful wife, a very full life, four great successful children, five wonderful grandchildren, at 74 years old I still can bowl a 180 average, shoot under 80 in golf and knock off 60 push ups...there is not much you can say to me and you have said many nasty things, mean spirited, and frankly childish things, that can bother me any more, but still, yes this is the last comment that you will make that is not deleted. Enjoy life Mike, I know I will for as long as I can.Delete
That should be shoot under 90 in golf. 80? I wish!Delete
That's Mike, my troll!ReplyDelete
Kind of a dick?? That guy is the whole dick (most likely microscopic) and scrotum too! What a moron. He's just jealous and projecting his own self loathing onto you.Delete
I'll admit to correcting spelling but I've never called anyone a moron for their mistakes. I'm also sorry for those addicted to smoking. Angry when they first begin and really angry when one who has given up and not smoked for 15 years, takes it up again.ReplyDelete
P.S. Drunks get wasted not waisted. :) :)
Everyone of these "activities" or conditions I see in surgery everyday. When we have the drug addict, or the smoker, or the alcoholic, or the extremely overweight patient I always tell them.."Hi, my name is Kathy and I'm going to help the surgeon with your surgery today. I'll be with you the whole time and will take very good care of you." My hope is that after surgery they will decide to take as good care of themselves as we did. This is a good post Joe..very true!ReplyDelete
i think being judgmental is one of the most natural thing we admit or notReplyDelete
what matter most is what kind of person we are and how quick we are to judge others and form opinion about them
being kinder one takes effort and big generous heart which is rare case i think
i truly believe that no one like the friend blogger (mike) above behave ,this only reveals his own personality and not in good terms for sure
I know you'll find this shocking but people tell me I'm judgmental. In fact, I'm just observant and I share my observations. :)ReplyDelete