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Monday, February 24, 2020

RESTAURANT MENU

RESTAURANT MENU

Mrs. C and I went to Friendly’s today, after a visit to the doctor.   I ordered a BLT.  It wasn’t just a BLT though, it was:

“Perfectly grilled applewood smoked bacon merged with crisp iceberg lettuce, fresh ripe red tomato, all on delicious, perfectly toasted sourdough bread with just the right amount of mayo.”

I would have described the BLT as:                  

“Bacon, lettuce and tomato on toast, with mayo if you want.”

I don’t think I would be a very good menu writer, and yet:

Why is bacon today always “Applewood smoked bacon?” What is so friggin special about applewood? 

If I order a sandwich with lettuce, I sort of just expect it to be crisp.

“Oh I’m sorry sir did you order crisp lettuce?  We charge extra for crisp, most of our customers prefer limp lettuce.”

Most tomatoes are red, aren’t they? Because when I order something with tomatoes I don’t believe I need to request, “red, not green” do I?  And really, if the tomato is not fresh please just tell me you are all out of tomatoes.

I have to question the perfectly toasted bread thing.  What is perfect?  Can I have it my way?  Lightly toasted, or toasted golden brown or burnt to a crisp if I want…I’ll tell you what is perfectly toasted!

What the hell is the just right amount of mayo?  Can I decide, or is there a mayo standard?  How about putting a blob of mayo on the side and I’ll decide what is the perfect amount.

Apparently bullshit sells.

This always pisses me off at a restaurant; al dente pasta!  I like my pasta soft and limp (don’t even go there) Is there some rule that pasta has to be al dente? I think people order pasta al dente just because it sounds sophisticated and worldly.  I don’t care, I’m old.  When I order my pasta I ask, “And boil the crap outa it, I like it limp and mushy.”

Cheese used to be Swiss or American.  I always just like Velveeta.  I know it is not really cheese, but is a “cheese like product.”  Cheese today seems to suddenly always be Asiago Cheese.  Sometimes they even call it “The” Asiago cheese like it is something everyone demands but is so difficult to find.  Did they just invent Asiago cheese?

I love this one, “Were running some specials today.”  Today’s restaurant special is yesterday’s crap that didn’t sell out.

Descriptions and names are what push the product at a restaurant.

I love Chilean sea bass.  I’m not so sure I would order the “Patagonian Toothfish.”

Chilean Sea Bass/Patagonian Toothfish...same thing!

I’ll take mine without the head please.
Re-run from February 2014

16 comments:

  1. Lol, I have also noticed that all bacon is now applewood smoked. Patagonian tooth fish sounds nasty! Now I'm wondering about other fish! And I thought Friendly's went out of business? All of them closed in this region.

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  2. I've wondered about that too. I love to see the pictures on the menu and when you get that it looks completely different.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. 😎

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  3. Oh, yes. Interpreting a menu that reads like that is not a good sign.

    In old hometown area, I prefer a simple menu. Atlas, IL, served the best deep fried catfish served with 2 slices of white bread, a goodly amount of white onion and red sauce/not ketchup. You would love it.

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  4. I think they have to be descript with what they are serving in flowery language like this so they can justify charging what they charge for some of the meals served!

    betty

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  5. I like my pasta a bit more cooked than al dente too, but not so soft that it falls apart.
    Not all tomatoes are red joeh. There are many heirloom varieties available these days in a range of colours, and a range of shapes too. There are Black Russians, which are very dark skinned and greenish red inside, there are some that are green and striped with darker green, there are round, oblong, pear shaped and mini tomatoes. I've recently come across some "heritage" tomatoes at my local supermarket, (the good one NOT Woolworths), they are so good, excellent flavour and more flesh than the usual "vine ripened", which is mostly juice and seeds inside the skin. I've been saving the seeds to plant next spring and hope to get enough viable seedlings to share with family and friends.

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    Replies
    1. Unless it is sold at a high priced very pretentious restaurant, every BLT ever made uses a standard old red tomato.

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  6. I stay away from anything “ Artisan“. I don’t know what the heck that means, but by putting that word before it, people are willing to pay more. Fools!

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  7. That menu reads like Elaine writing for the J. Peterman catalog.

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  8. I always admire the way you make me smile.

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  9. Eeeww. I don't want that fish for sure. How could you ever eat anything with a head like that on it? Never mind, don't answer that... And you can get your mayo on the side. I order my salad dressing on the side and most sauces so I can have "just the right" amount for me. I don't get those high end eateries that drizzle shit on a plate, add a tablespoon of some gussied up meat concoction in the middle and charge you $80 with a $10 "cheap" glass of wine and whatever tip they're going to add on. It's ridiculous.

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  10. I’m with you on this Bubba. BLT’s are one of my favorite summer meals.
    Maybe they should advertise winter BLTs then people would not expect it to be any good.

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  11. Agreed Joe. We are all different with different tastes--thank goodness--so how can one sandwich be perfect for all. Ah the arrogance.

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  12. Some of the best places to eat just have everything written on a chalkboard, no descriptions needed, you know it's good!

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  13. i think this is annoying what you shared about menu here dear Joe

    when we visit crowded places such awful things happen here too but not all times ,it seems staff is being less interested in good service since they know they will have plenty others if one complain and go
    i bet this fish gonna eat me before i will eat it lol

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  14. I think the description is for people with low self esteem or inflated egos. The idea of not being "special" is too much to bear. The cost is also factor whether it be a justification for a high cost or the warm, fuzzy feeling of getting a bargain. The pasta rant made be break out in laughter because of my youngest daughter's penchant for cooking pasta or ramen until it looks and feels like fresh oatmeal. I should try ordering my pasta as medium well.

    I often think of describing food as it actually is: limp,greasy fries with enough salt to kill a slug.

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