Stuff Old People Do
When I was
younger I often was amazed at the things old people do. I vowed to avoid these embarrassing old
people things.
Old people start conversations with:
“Ten dollars? I remember when they only cost fifty cents.”
Cut it out
old people, no one really cares, and I remember when you had to babysit for an hour
to get fifty cents.
“There used to be a
candy store on this block before the McDonalds.”
And before the candy store there used
to be teepees! Who cares!
“In my day, people waited
to be married before getting intimate.”
In your day people got married at 17
because they couldn’t wait.
“Years ago, we didn’t just
get a divorce when things got difficult.”
Congratulations on being miserable
for the rest of your life “in the day.”
Old people do embarrassing things at
weddings:
When ever the DJ plays the “Twist”
old people have to show young people “How it’s done.”
The twist is not really that
complicated…unless you are an old people which is why old people should not
show young people “How its done.”
Old people do not realize that “The Chicken
Dance” is not cool. The DJ plays it so
young people can make fun of old people.
When the DJ plays “The Village People,”
old people have to spell out Y M C A. This
is great fun for old people who then tell young people, “Do you know that ‘The Village
People’ were gay?”
Other embarrassing things old people
do
Old people are loud talkers.
Old people are always cold.
Old people use all of the road.
Old people pay to the penny, rounding
up is wasteful.
Old people try to act like young people.
“But Cranky, your old, you mean you
are not guilty of any of these ‘old people’ things?”
Actually, I
am guilty of most of these ‘Old People’ things, but I also have the number one
old people trait:
Old People don’t give a crap about
what young people think!
Old people have been lying about waiting until marriage since time immemorial. They've also lied about divorcing though more often back then they just split up, then shacked up with someone new. Then lied and said they was married ..... you know, eloped. I had 3 relatives who done this and no one was the wiser until it came time to read the will. It ain't like you gotta get branded or otherwise legally marked when you gets hitched.
ReplyDeleteOldies will lie and say that folks were more polite in the old days. Another lie, young uns were forced to be polite but adults was just as ornery then as now. Maybe more-so.
You have earned the right to do old people stuff if you want, and complain about others doing those things if you want.
ReplyDeleteThere is a sense of freedom when you're too old to care. As Janis Joplin sand, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."
ReplyDeleteWhich is fine or if it's not fine, is at least inevitable.
Damn! I always thought the line was "nothing else to do"...now that song makes sense. Thanks!
DeleteHey! You forgot that old people will go on and on about their physical maladies, ad nauseam. Or the weather for an hour.
ReplyDeleteI am officially old, because once I retired two years ago (that wasn't enough to make me think I'm old), I quit GIVING A CRAP WHAT YOUNG PEOPLE THINK!
ReplyDeleteThere's one old people thing you'll never catch me doing, the Twist. I still cringe at the memory of seeing my mother doing the twist. Every one of her 220 pounds jiggling like a jelly. To this day I wish I had never shown her how.
ReplyDeleteCan I be excused, please, on the grounds that I know no better! I heard a saying, age is something you don't expect until you get there.
ReplyDeleteI refuse to admit I am old even though I see my mother's face in the mirror when I get up in the morning and hear my father's voice coming out of my mouth ( often something about the turning off lights and paying the electric bill).
ReplyDeleteMe too guilty on some of those but knowing it irritates the younguns makes it so much more enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteThat last sentenced sums up how I feel too, Joe. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day and weekend. ☺
It's true...we really don't give a crap.
ReplyDeleteI must be old because I find it fascinating to learn about what used to be located around town.
ReplyDeleteI'm old & I don't give a crap (actually, I never did)!!
ReplyDeleteYup. My Dad once said to me, when I was a teenager and the loaf of bread he bought was a dollar, "When I was your age, this would have been a nickel." I said, "Yeah, but everybody was making fifteen bucks a week. You're making more than five hundred, so by percentage you're way better off." Credit to My Dad. He said, "You're right." Never heard him mention the price of bread again :-)
ReplyDeleteI remember reading a story about how old people used to tease a young single woman at weddings: "I bet you're next!"
ReplyDeleteThe young single woman then retorted by saying the same thing to the old people at funerals.
Omgosh. You hit the nail on the head with all of these. The Village People comment made me laugh because everyone does always say that!
ReplyDelete