THE BATHROOM SCALE
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| This re-run is from March 2012 |
The last time I went to the doctor I was surprised to find I had gained 15 pounds in just a few months. I generally gain a few pounds in the winter, it is a genetic survival thing. The extra weight in the winter protects me from extreme cold, and in case I get stranded in a blizzard I can live off my stored fat for days.
I generally gain about five pounds in preparation for potential winter related emergencies. Gaining 15 pounds has me concerned. Surviving a stranding in a blizzard is great, but popping a blood vessel because of approaching obesity is not a reasonable trade off.
My increase in weight should not have surprised me. Normally putting on clothes that no longer fit is a red flag that you are gaining weight. In my new occupation, doing nothing, I do not wear different clothes that often. I have three pairs of comfort pants which, as they are worn often, tend to stretch with my increased girth. The visit to the doctor’s scale was an eye opener.
I have since been trying to watch what I eat, and I think I have lost a few pounds. To confirm this I could either try on a pair of pants that I haven’t worn for months, or test myself on our bathroom scale.
This is a scale that I did not know existed. I found it pushed under a cabinet. It was just what I needed to keep a check on my poundage. I stepped on the scale and low and behold I have lost fifteen pounds since my visit to the doctor two weeks ago.
Astounding!
It was astounding until I leaned on the scale a little to the left. Oops! I have gained 15 pounds from my doctor visit. I leaned to the right and I was now 30 pounds less than when I was weighed at the doctor’s. I found that with minor weight shifts on this scale I could vary my condition from morbidly obese to border-line anorexia.
I told Mrs. Cranky I was going to make an executive decision and buy a bathroom scale that actually works.
“What’s wrong with that scale?”
“Are you kidding? It is only accurate to within 100 pounds!”
“Not if you know where to stand on it. I just shift my weight until it stops where I want it.”
Mrs. Cranky is a smart lady. She knows every popular song for the last 60 years and can tell you who sang it. She can recite verbatim from about 50 different movies, is a PC trouble shooting master, and has a wealth of knowledge on a variety of topics.
Somehow the logic train never stopped at her station.
I’m going to buy a new scale.
Bwahahahahahahahaha. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard your wife say. Don't tell her I said that. She's always logical about things, but way off the mark here. I laughed out loud.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day and buy that new scale. :)
laughing! :)
ReplyDeleteI once bought one of those bathroom scales that talks, telling you your weight. When I stood on it, it shouted, "One at a time!"
ReplyDeleteIt's an old joke, but it still makes me laugh.
Me, too!!
DeleteDid you hit a Gypsy with your car on the way to the doctor's office? If so, save your scale money.
ReplyDeleteHeeheehee! My scale is 1 1/2 lb. off, so i just add that much when i get on it.
ReplyDeleteI went to the doc last week, and they weighed me twice. Once on a bathroom scale, and once on a doctor scale. Eight pounds difference. I requested the doc scale, since that's what they usually use.
ReplyDeleteI have found, in my campaign to lose weight, that scales are arbitrary, vicious, nasty devices.
ReplyDeleteI have a digital scale and I check the weight twice to make sure it's right. I tend to like the lower number...
ReplyDeleteActually I love her logic with the scale; I've been known to do the same thing myself. Now we don't even have a scale which I think is a good thing myself.
ReplyDeletebetty
Hah! I love her logic, but I'd want a new scale, too.
ReplyDeleteYep, it is time for a new scale. However, now that I know there could be some variation in the weights by shifting, I can't wait to try it tomorrow. I sure would explain a lot of my wild swings.
ReplyDeleteIf you eat as many fresh fruits and vegetables as you can your weight will get better in time, not fast, but for sure.
ReplyDeleteWhen you buy a new scale, please do not ditch your old one. Send it to me, with instructions for how I need to lean or shift to reach an acceptable weight. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling this whole scale thing is going to end in you being called "Jerk!" Don't throw away that old one. Shove it back where you found it.
ReplyDeleteMy scale lives under my bed and after its last performance it can stay there forever. I was careful with what I ate for a whole month, no ice cream, no desserts, only one coffee a day, small dinner portions etc I got on the scale and found I had gained 3kg. (*~*)
ReplyDeleteWord of warning - buy the new one if you must but on NO account throw out Mrs C's - if you do you'll soon find out why you shouldn't have ...
ReplyDeleteNo, no....don't listen to Sarah. Throw it out. I want it. ;)
ReplyDeleteI hide my scale under the bed. The waistband of my jeans tells the story better.
ReplyDeleteDo yourself a favor. Keep the scale you have. Mrs. C deserves her moment of glory when she stands on it and sees the numbers she wants to see.
ReplyDelete