THE BATHROOM SCALE
|This re-run is from March 2012|
The last time I went to the doctor I was surprised to find I had gained 15 pounds in just a few months. I generally gain a few pounds in the winter, it is a genetic survival thing. The extra weight in the winter protects me from extreme cold, and in case I get stranded in a blizzard I can live off my stored fat for days.
I generally gain about five pounds in preparation for potential winter related emergencies. Gaining 15 pounds has me concerned. Surviving a stranding in a blizzard is great, but popping a blood vessel because of approaching obesity is not a reasonable trade off.
My increase in weight should not have surprised me. Normally putting on clothes that no longer fit is a red flag that you are gaining weight. In my new occupation, doing nothing, I do not wear different clothes that often. I have three pairs of comfort pants which, as they are worn often, tend to stretch with my increased girth. The visit to the doctor’s scale was an eye opener.
I have since been trying to watch what I eat, and I think I have lost a few pounds. To confirm this I could either try on a pair of pants that I haven’t worn for months, or test myself on our bathroom scale.
This is a scale that I did not know existed. I found it pushed under a cabinet. It was just what I needed to keep a check on my poundage. I stepped on the scale and low and behold I have lost fifteen pounds since my visit to the doctor two weeks ago.
It was astounding until I leaned on the scale a little to the left. Oops! I have gained 15 pounds from my doctor visit. I leaned to the right and I was now 30 pounds less than when I was weighed at the doctor’s. I found that with minor weight shifts on this scale I could vary my condition from morbidly obese to border-line anorexia.
I told Mrs. Cranky I was going to make an executive decision and buy a bathroom scale that actually works.
“What’s wrong with that scale?”
“Are you kidding? It is only accurate to within 100 pounds!”
“Not if you know where to stand on it. I just shift my weight until it stops where I want it.”
Mrs. Cranky is a smart lady. She knows every popular song for the last 60 years and can tell you who sang it. She can recite verbatim from about 50 different movies, is a PC trouble shooting master, and has a wealth of knowledge on a variety of topics.
Somehow the logic train never stopped at her station.
I’m going to buy a new scale.