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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

WHY AM I CALLED CRANKY?


WHY AM I CALLED CRANKY?

 
Some readers may be wondering, “Why are you called Cranky.  You don’t seem all that cranky, sometimes a little, sure, but not all that bad.” 

Mrs. C is the one who slapped that moniker on me.  Perhaps she just sees too much of me and is subjected to too many of my rants. 

Here is a sample of things that rub against my grain, and subject Mrs. Cranky to annoying rants. 

People who do not watch TV:

I don’t mind that you do not watch TV, it is probably admirable.  What picks the scab of my medulla oblongata are people who proudly proclaim their utter distain for what is probably the greatest technological entertainment advance of the last 100 years. 

“Hey, did you see “America’s Got Talent” last night?”

“Oh. I don’t watch any of that crap.  I only have a TV for the news, and PBS.”

That’s fine, but couldn’t you just say “No I missed it” or “I really don’t watch TV that often, is it a good show?”  NO!  These snobby intellectual giants have to belittle me and my entertainment preferences with their self-aggrandizing assertion that anything on TV is “crap.”

When someone mentions to me that they enjoyed a Broadway Show, or a Ballet, or an Opera, I don’t tell them “Oh, I never watch any of that pretentious annoying crap.” I will simply say that I understand how people enjoy those things, but they generally are not my cup of tea.

It’s called manners.

Healthy Food Experts:

If you mention to these people that you are trying to lose a few pounds, they will make you feel guilty over any and everything you eat. 

I’ll have a cup of oatmeal and a glass of juice for breakfast, a spoonful of peanut butter and a glass of water for lunch, and grilled fish and vegetables for dinner.  If I share an apple turnover and a scoop of ice cream with my wife for desert… BAM!

“Desert?  Ice Cream?  Do you have any idea how many calories that is?  I thought you were on a diet.”

Well, yes, I do…and ordinarily I would have two fried eggs, bacon,  toast with jelly, juice, and coffee with cream and sugar for breakfast; two slices pf pizza and a large soda for lunch; steak and potatoes for dinner and an apple turnover and a scoop of ice cream all to myself for dinner.  Do I really have to listen to you lecture me on how many calories I am having for desert.  Am I really so stupid that I don’t know pastry and ice cream has sugar?  Here is an idea… “STFU!”

Cheerful people in the morning:

I don’t mind all cheerful people in the morning; it is strangers who are the tinfoil on my fillings.  I used to walk to the train in the morning still half awake and not grumpy, but not in an “on top of the world” kinda mood either.  Coming the other way is a power walking lady pumping those 1 ½ pound hand weight things and with a big smile hits me out of the blue with a cheery “Good Morning!”

I may nod back or even grumble a “yeah” back, and that is when I get the return comment that will ruin the next hour and a half of my day.

“Smile, cheer up, it can’t be that bad!”

Well, maybe it is!  Maybe my wife just left me…again.  Maybe I just lost my job, maybe I have a splitting headache, maybe I hate going to work or maybe I just don’t need my morning routine interrupted by some cheery powerwalking lady who has not a care in the world telling me what kind of a mood to be in!  I will cheer the frig up if and when I want to cheer up and I will smile if and when I want to smile, so just pump those sissy-ass weights, shut the hell up, and keep walking.  BITCH!

And that is why Mrs. C calls me Cranky.

It isn’t easy living in my head.

26 comments:

  1. Uh-oh...I am super cheerful in the morning. Can we still be friends?

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    1. Just don't TELL me to cheer up and smile and we're good.

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  2. I love TV, I love to eat even though I need to lose weight, so you won't ever catch me saying any of those things. I am usually pretty cheerful in the morning but only if the other person smiles do I smile back. So I think we'd get along pretty good.

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  3. Ha ha, though I am super cheerful in the morning and have been called the last of the dyed in the wool grinners, I too hate being told to smile those times when I have other things to think about. In my mind i think--"I will not--you are not my boss". Guess I am a little cranky also.

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  4. i'd smile but not tell you to cheer up. i also power walk, but typically not with weights. :D

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  5. I agree, Cranky. People can be proud of themselves for whatever reason but they need to keep their arrogant, conceited, condescending and cheerful comments to themselves. Bah! where's my caffeine?

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  6. Wow, can't even say Good Morning back. You must live in NJ. Around here we exchange greetings. It's just a nice thing to do.

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  7. I rarely watch television. It's filled with crap. I don't care if you watch it though.

    I'm happy in the morning and I don't care if you're cranky in the morning.

    I'm not into health food and I don't care what you put into your temple. What you eat is no business of mine.

    I don't care if you cheer up or not. Your mood is your problem, not mine.

    What I'm trying to say is....I come here because you are cranky and I like that snarky attitude of yours.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  8. “Smile, cheer up, it can’t be that bad!” I hate that. Used to hear it often. Learned how to fake smile. Now I have frown and smile wrinkles. :-( :-)

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    1. I hate it too. It's very presumptuous!

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  9. Hahaha...your rant about people who do not watch TV reminded me of an episode of Friends when Joey dated a woman who said she did not have a TV. His response was, "You don't have a TV? Well then what does all of your furniture point at?"

    I'm moderately cheerful in the morning. I think we'd get along.

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  10. Can I call you Half Cranky. Cause I'm half on with you on your list and the other half I agree with Mrs. C. I won't get into which is which on the list though......

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  11. Morning people are the worst. My dude is a morning person and he wants to solve all of the world problems first thing. I can usually silence him with a death glare.

    My dad's a morning person too. When I was a teenager I instituted the no singing before 10 am rule.

    Ugh.

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  12. Tinfoil on my fillings...LOL
    I used to pretend I had "braces" by putting tinfoil over my teeth. One slip of the foil and wham! Such an awful feeling!

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  13. I can be as cranky as the next guy.
    Heck, I have those moments almost every day.
    But they pass.
    I would much rather be upbeat.

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  14. I'm with you on all three counts but PARTICULARLY the TV thing. Sanctimonious gits. I love TV and get huge pleasure from watching great stuff and utter shit. Thanks again for your Tourettes comments.

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  15. I don't get a lot of time to watch tv and when I do, I usually sit there thinking how much other stuff I could be doing or needs to be done. That still doesn't mean I need to be rude about it or judgmental either.

    Mornings? That would depend partly on the morning. And mostly on what happened the night before...

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  16. I agree with every single item. Particularly with those food people. Mind your own business! I'm not force-feeding my lunch to you.

    Here's another one I can't stand: "Have fun." Like, when a student says it to another student who is entering my classroom. What is THAT supposed to mean? That my class is so unpleasant that one must be commanded to have a good time? It's school, by cracky! Not a show on the Vegas strip!

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  17. Funny Joeh, our heads sound frighteningly similiar!!! Lol
    Another thing that bug me is some blow hole at a party saying "I read 60 books this year!"
    Me: "Wow, that's quite impressive..."
    BH: "Well, I listened to them on tape while driving to work....same thing!"
    No, no it's not!!! You had someone read you a bedtime story...YOU read nothing!!! Amazingly when I bring up a book we've both "read" the blow hole looks at me like I'm making shit up when I bring up specific passages...because he doesn't remember them. THAT'S the difference!
    Sorry....I feel better now. :-)

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  18. I need to remember that you aren't a morning person. Iam totally a morning person. That's the time I'm most creative and productive. By early afternoon I'm running on auto pilot.

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  19. My mama always told me to say nice things or nothing at all. I've been known to go for days without saying a word. :)

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  20. To paraphrase, "Stay cranky, my friend!!"

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  21. I totally get you on the diet and cheery good morning people, they get me cranky too.
    The TV issue? well, I say those reality type shows are crap to anyone who will listen and the talent shows are just way over done. We've had too many for too long. Give me a good movie for heaven's sake.

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  22. You call that cranky? That's just NORMAL, my friend!

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  23. Hilarious post! Just don't change. I am one of your blog fans who prefers you cranky and loves reading your cranky posts!

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  24. Mornin sunshine! I walked 17 miles today (im bitchin like nobodies business too) my redeemong quaolity is that i watch americas got tLent haha

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