WHY AM I CALLED CRANKY?

WHY AM I CALLED CRANKY?

 

Some readers may be wondering, “Why are you called Cranky.  You don’t seem all that cranky, sometimes a little, sure, but not all that bad.” 

Mrs. C is the one who slapped that moniker on me.  Perhaps she just sees too much of me and is subjected to too many of my rants. 

Here is a sample of things that rub against my grain, and subject Mrs. Cranky to annoying rants. 

People who do not watch TV:

I don’t mind that you do not watch TV, it is probably admirable.  What picks the scab of my medulla oblongata are people who proudly proclaim their utter distain for what is probably the greatest technological entertainment advance of the last 100 years. 

“Hey, did you see “America’s Got Talent” last night?”

“Oh. I don’t watch any of that crap.  I only have a TV for the news, and PBS.”

That’s fine, but couldn’t you just say “No I missed it” or “I really don’t watch TV that often, is it a good show?”  NO!  These snobby intellectual giants have to belittle me and my entertainment preferences with their self-aggrandizing assertion that anything on TV is “crap.”

When someone mentions to me that they enjoyed a Broadway Show, or a Ballet, or an Opera, I don’t tell them “Oh, I never watch any of that pretentious annoying crap.” I will simply say that I understand how people enjoy those things, but they generally are not my cup of tea.

It’s called manners.

Healthy Food Experts:

If you mention to these people that you are trying to lose a few pounds, they will make you feel guilty over any and everything you eat. 

I’ll have a cup of oatmeal and a glass of juice for breakfast, a spoonful of peanut butter and a glass of water for lunch, and grilled fish and vegetables for dinner.  If I share an apple turnover and a scoop of ice cream with my wife for desert… BAM!

“Desert?  Ice Cream?  Do you have any idea how many calories that is?  I thought you were on a diet.”

Well, yes, I do…and ordinarily I would have two fried eggs, bacon,  toast with jelly, juice, and coffee with cream and sugar for breakfast; two slices pf pizza and a large soda for lunch; steak and potatoes for dinner and an apple turnover and a scoop of ice cream all to myself for dinner.  Do I really have to listen to you lecture me on how many calories I am having for desert.  Am I really so stupid that I don’t know pastry and ice cream has sugar?  Here is an idea… “STFU!”

Cheerful people in the morning:

I don’t mind all cheerful people in the morning; it is strangers who are the tinfoil on my fillings.  I used to walk to the train in the morning still half awake and not grumpy, but not in an “on top of the world” kinda mood either.  Coming the other way is a power walking lady pumping those 1 ½ pound hand weight things and with a big smile hits me out of the blue with a cheery “Good Morning!”

I may nod back or even grumble a “yeah” back, and that is when I get the return comment that will ruin the next hour and a half of my day.

“Smile, cheer up, it can’t be that bad!”

Well, maybe it is!  Maybe my wife just left me…again.  Maybe I just lost my job, maybe I have a splitting headache, maybe I hate going to work or maybe I just don’t need my morning routine interrupted by some cheery powerwalking lady who has not a care in the world telling me what kind of a mood to be in!  I will cheer the frig up if and when I want to cheer up and I will smile if and when I want to smile, so just pump those sissy-ass weights, shut the hell up, and keep walking.  BITCH!

And that is why Mrs. C calls me Cranky.

It isn’t easy living in my head.