THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
NEW AND IMPROVED
This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
STUPID HEADLINES 061514
STUPID HEADLINES 061514
It is time once
I only killed him a little bit!
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and
sometimes offensive comments.
One headline may be
completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-do.None of the above may be a correct answer.
Son keeps promise he made as 8-year-old: a
'57 Chevy for his 57-year-old dad – Crap, my son promised me an ’85 Yugo when I turn 85.
Quebec sees second jailbreak involving
helicopter – No really
Warden, just let us have the helicopter for one hour, we won’t use it to escape
1600 paper mache pandas invade Hong Kong
airport – Entire
airport crop of paper mache bamboo shoots was destroyed in hours.
Florida man accused of assaulting brother
with marijuana plant – Florida man was later killed when he attempted to smoke his gun.
Balloon Sex Really Blows For Kinky Clown Couple – Even I know to never attempt balloon sex with a fake nose and really big
Wendy Davis says Republicans dislike
‘people who don’t look like them’ – I’m a Republican and I feel sorry for people who look
California Bill Would Make All Sex
Rape Without Prior Verbal Consent – So, I guess all sex would become a ménage à troiswith the
third person being a lawyer.
Woman calls 911 “Ice cream vendor
didn’t give me enough sprinkles!”- I got 99 problems, but sprinkles
Mom arrested for meth lab after four
year old dials 911 – “Mommy’s
making a mess?...Oh meth!We’ll be right
New Mexico bachelor party finds
3-million-year-old stegomastodon fossil – Do they know how to party in New Mexico or
Woman Shoplifted 7 Lobsters By Sticking Them In Pants – She didn’t have an escape claws and was pinched by security.
Baltimore police shoot cow
running loose in city – Now that is what I call
a…wait for it…Police Steak Out.
Last week’s fake was:
Amazon Howler Monkeys make crude traps to
catch fish –You expect a
sophisticated trap? It’s a fecking monkey!