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Tuesday, June 17, 2014


It seems to me that my posts are too willy-nilly.   They have little rhyme or reason.  What do I stand for, what are my goals?  Where am I going, whom is my target audience? 

When I labored for a large brokerage firm, every year we had to develop our Departmental Mission Statement.  We put eight people in a room and for two days batted around ideas to state in one simple concise paragraph who we were, what we were going to do, who we were going to do it for, how we were going to do it, and what criteria would be used to gauge our success. 

So now after spending three days locked up in my bedroom with the TV on in the background I have developed my Blog Mission Statement.

“I am a cranky, conservative, old blogger who intends to provide daily, a user friendly, seamless, tightly focused product which will provide humor while at the same time generate thinking from my core clients.  I will deliver quality in a highly competitive market.  Product will be of sufficient length to positively attract attention but not so ponderous so as to negatively impact client’s ability to give a damn.  The product will avoid religion, politics, racial issues, gender issues, dark topics, overly cheerful Pablum-like topics, misogynistic opinions, homosexual opinions, sports team affiliations and will avoid at all costs, from the clients perspective, offending anyone who possesses even a speck of gray matter, but will also be topical and interesting.  I will diligently avoid disturbing language specifically including but not limited to words such as shit, fuck, cock, cunt, piss, tits and dang it to heck.  My core client is any woman, man or child who is capable of reading.  I am guided by relentless focus on my imperatives, and will constantly strive to implement the critical initiatives required to achieve my vision. In doing this, I will deliver rhetorical excellence in every corner of the blog and meet or exceed my commitments to the many constituencies I serve. All of my long-term strategies and short-term actions will be molded by my set of core values.  Posts will endorse no products nor accept any payment to do so unless someone makes an offer.  Success will be determined by the number and quality of comments and by the number of confirmed site visits, not counting hits from any country with a “stan,” or the Ukraine.”

There it is Cranky’s mission statement, the same corporate mish-mosh which so successfully contributed to the strength of my former employer.  Well they did leave out a section I fought for:

“To avoid at all costs risky investments particularly in complicated derivative products involving mortgages and first born children that no one can explain but everyone from smucky middle management (me) to the CEO (Stan O’Neil) are afraid to admit they do not understand.”

I probably should have fought harder for that one.  Oh well, it only put the country into a deep recession for a couple of years…so far.  And the CEO managed to survive with the measly 100 million dollar golden parachute he was awarded. 

I don’t remember that in the mission statement. 

Maybe I should write it into mine.  


  1. Well, if you eliminate all those things from your posts what in the world are you going to write about.

    I see your former employer (CEO) had a different mission statement than yours.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  2. Ummm, rhetorical, commitment, strategy .... yes, ME TOO!

  3. Gee, working for the Feds it took months to years to come up with a Mission Statement and by then our mission had changed and it was time for a new one. I gave up on them long ago. Mish mash works for me.

  4. Don't set the bar too high for yourself. Occasionally, some of us are like earthworms and like it down here in the dirt.

  5. Best. Mission Statement. Ever.

    Certainly the longest LOL

  6. Before I retired, every medical center and company I consulted for had the same exact mission statement:
    "Make Money from Illness."

  7. I'm gonna go write a mission statement.
    It's gonna be open and forthright.
    It's gonna be right there were everyone can read it at the top of the page.

    ...and it is gonna save me the trouble of writing a real post today.

    Oh... and I hope you don't like it! (HSWHTPFIHC)

  8. One of the places where I worked was a mom and pop business with everybody doing their job and getting things done just fine. Then the boss hired a sales rep who decided we needed to be organized and managed. He handed out papers for the employees to fill out with the MISSION STATEMENT being the main goal. I wrote, "Mission Statement--we don't need no steeking mission statement." I don't know what happened but the mission statement didn't. The sales rep turned out to be so much like Dilbert's Walley that we called him that behind his back.

  9. Once I believed in missions. Now I just believe in statements. Carry on.

  10. Mission statements are for companies who have employees who don't do real work.

  11. I like the mission statement and love your blog. Some of us live for humor!

  12. Well, if you were a school, you would be empowering your readers for successful lives, and entertaining each reader to the best of his ability.

  13. All over the place is a good way to blog. Then you don't bore anyone or attract only those in your special niche. I vote keep er going the same way.

    1. All over the place is certainly the way I blog. Read it at your own risk!!

  14. Heh heh. If I had a mission statement for my blog it'd clearly be "I'll say and do whatever I want. Stay or leave, it's up to you".

  15. As far as I'm concerned "dang it to heck" is perfectly acceptable.
    My blog doesn't have a mission statement. Probably doesn't need one.
    I just try to be nice and not offend anyone.

  16. Mine is just "to not get caught." Short and sweet. :)


  17. Excellent mission statement and as one of your stakeholders I am pleased to report the product is also excellent. (I used the same word twice but it's ok cos I'm the client).
    And - what do you know - we both worked for the same brokerage firm.


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