Tuesday, June 17, 2014
MY BLOG MISSION STATEMENT
MY BLOG MISSION STATEMENT
When I labored for a large brokerage firm, every year we had to develop our Departmental Mission Statement. We put eight people in a room and for two days batted around ideas to state in one simple concise paragraph who we were, what we were going to do, who we were going to do it for, how we were going to do it, and what criteria would be used to gauge our success.
So now after spending three days locked up in my bedroom with the TV on in the background I have developed my Blog Mission Statement.
“I am a cranky, conservative, old blogger who intends to provide daily, a user friendly, seamless, tightly focused product which will provide humor while at the same time generate thinking from my core clients. I will deliver quality in a highly competitive market. Product will be of sufficient length to positively attract attention but not so ponderous so as to negatively impact client’s ability to give a damn. The product will avoid religion, politics, racial issues, gender issues, dark topics, overly cheerful Pablum-like topics, misogynistic opinions, homosexual opinions, sports team affiliations and will avoid at all costs, from the clients perspective, offending anyone who possesses even a speck of gray matter, but will also be topical and interesting. I will diligently avoid disturbing language specifically including but not limited to words such as shit, fuck, cock, cunt, piss, tits and dang it to heck. My core client is any woman, man or child who is capable of reading. I am guided by relentless focus on my imperatives, and will constantly strive to implement the critical initiatives required to achieve my vision. In doing this, I will deliver rhetorical excellence in every corner of the blog and meet or exceed my commitments to the many constituencies I serve. All of my long-term strategies and short-term actions will be molded by my set of core values. Posts will endorse no products nor accept any payment to do so unless someone makes an offer. Success will be determined by the number and quality of comments and by the number of confirmed site visits, not counting hits from any country with a “stan,” or the Ukraine.”
There it is Cranky’s mission statement, the same corporate mish-mosh which so successfully contributed to the strength of my former employer. Well they did leave out a section I fought for:
“To avoid at all costs risky investments particularly in complicated derivative products involving mortgages and first born children that no one can explain but everyone from smucky middle management (me) to the CEO (Stan O’Neil) are afraid to admit they do not understand.”
I probably should have fought harder for that one. Oh well, it only put the country into a deep recession for a couple of years…so far. And the CEO managed to survive with the measly 100 million dollar golden parachute he was awarded.
I don’t remember that in the mission statement.
Maybe I should write it into mine.