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Thursday, June 19, 2014


Mrs. Cranky and I have been together for six years.  We have been married for about three and a half years.  It recently occurred to me that we do not have “pet” names for each other.

Oh, she sometimes calls me Cranky, or just Old Man, but nothing that I would associate with a personal pet moniker.   When she calls me Joe, it means I’ve done something bad, so that doesn’t work.  I usually just call her Kare.  That is almost a pet name, like "Cara Mia Mine."  Ok that’s a stretch but it is better than Cranky, or Old Man.


I decided she should have an appropriate name of affection for me.  My previous wives had affectionate names for me.  Honey, Sweetie, you know, stuff like that.   Apparently those names did not work very well.  Honey and Sweetie got left behind for greener pastures. 

Those names just won’t do.  I don’t believe them anymore anyway.  I think the problem with previous marriages is I was not properly respected.  I want Mrs. Cranky to call me something that indicates respect.  I decided she should call me “M’Lord.”

M’Lord.  It just screams respect and adoration.  I could use some respect and adoration.  I deserve respect and adoration.  

The other night in bed, just before we were preparing to turn in for the night I told Mrs. C.

“From now on, I would like you to call me a name that indicates respect, not Cranky, or Old Man.”

“O k a y.”  She responded in that drawn out way that says “I’m listening, but I don’t think I’m going to like it.”

“From now on, I expect to be addressed as M’Lord.  It would indicate respect and adoration.  I deserve respect and adoration.”

“M’Lord?  Good luck with that!”

“What…is that too much to ask?”

“Oh no, certainly not; no problem at all.  Good night M’Lord.”

Mrs. Cranky then rolled over away from me.

“Oh, and turn off the TV. M’Lord.”

I’m not sure, but I think before she drifted off to sleep I heard her mumble,


Maybe I’ll just stick with Cranky, or Old Man.


  1. I've often thought you have regal qualities Joe. M'Lud (as it's properly pronounced ... ;-) works for me! I'll have to have a think about a suitable name for SD to call me ...

  2. Jerk is your name. I've heard it too many times for it to be anything other than her term of adoration about you. Bwahahahahahahahahaha. I think Cranky is way better than jerk.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

    1. To be fair, she only calls me "Jerk" when I deserve it.

  3. I feel your pain. I always wanted to be called My Liege, never really took root.

  4. Ha! I'm not sure I should to be reading this. I don't want to receive a subpena to testify against you. But you do seem to enjoy living on the edge.

  5. But what if she forgets your name is "Joe."

  6. What about Joseph? I have a feeling you really are Joe.

  7. Ha ha. We used that very term in my family when someone was getting too big for their britches. Does ya feel the britches tightening.

  8. You have to earn a good pet name. What's in in for Your Lady to call you M'Lord?

  9. Oh, no! Did somebody at work steal your preferred nickname of T-Bone? At least you still have your future pr0n name of Buck Naked to fall back on.

  10. I don't know what to say, because I'm laughing too hard at Xavier's comment!

  11. Another vote here in favour of Xavier's suggestion.

  12. Could get a pet and then she'd call you "daddy" and you would call her "mommy" because that's what people with pets seem to do, even though they say they aren't going to do that, especially if their kids are pretty much grown up when said pet comes into the household. Just saying, I've heard that may/may not be occurring here.


  13. We were Smurf (me) and Troll (him) but when he was irritated at me I was "yes Boss).


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