IF I HAD TEN WISHES
Still vacationing, but re-runs are easy. This re-run is from April 2011, one of my first posts...note how much I have mellowed.
1. I wish I had a nickel every time a politician said “The American People want…”
2. I wish people would receive a small electric shock every time they said “awesome dude”, “aaight”, ”you know”, or “we was conversatin.”
3. I wish my ex-wives would come down with a rare disease which would cause them to hic-cup “Camptown Racetrack” four times a day.
4. I wish at a meeting with the Pope, the Heads of all major protestant churches, The top Rabbi’s from all the Jewish sects, the Major Mullah’s from all of Islam, the biggest Buddhist, and the highest Hindi; Jesus, Mohammad, Moses, and Buddha would walk in holding hands and yell “JUST FRIGGIN STOP IT!”
5. I wish everybody called Snooki, Zelda.
6. I wish the guy in the blue Camry who cut me off and gave me the finger yesterday on the Garden State Parkway would develop incurable BO.
7. I wish I could wiggle my nose and fuck with anyone named Darren.
8. I wish scientists would develop a cure for all diseases except the Camptown Racetrack hic-cup thing and incurable BO.
9. I wish that the first woman President of the United States will be named Bambi.
10. I wish the New England Patriots would go undefeated for a whole season only to lose the Super Bowl to the NY Giants.
One out of ten ain’t bad!