THE SOAP BAR
This cranky
old man loves a good hot shower. There was
a time when I shunned soap and water, but from the age of about twelve I have
loved a good long hot shower.
I wash my
hair in the shower, I shave in the shower.
I like a good bar of soap; preferably a brand new bar of soap. Soap slivers do not cut it with me. I might use a sliver to lather up for a shave,
but the body demands a full bar of soap.
Mrs. Cranky
is a thrifty person. She does not like
to throw anything away. Mrs. C wants to
get the last bit of soap out of every sliver and she will not introduce a new
bar to the shower until that last sliver is gone. I understand thrifty. I appreciate saving money, and I dislike
waste. However, though not a wealthy
man, I have been lucky enough through hard work, saving, successful
investments, and the hard work, saving, and successful investments of my
ancestors to have reached a level of affluence where I can afford the luxury of a new
or almost new bar of soap for every shower.
I do not
live in or care to live in a mansion. I
do not drive or care to drive a fancy car.
Mrs. Cranky and I do not live an extravagant life style nor do we
particularly seek or desire an extravagant life style. I desire only a roof over my head in a warm
home, three meals a day, an occasional change of venue, new tires on my car
when the tread is below the recommended thickness, and a new or almost new bar
of soap for my showers. It is on that
last simple pleasure that Mrs. C and I clash.
“If you are going to open a new bar
of soap when there is still a sliver left, at least apply the sliver to the new
bar.”
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“What? Who does that? The sliver just falls off and
then I can’t find it and if I step on it I’ll slip and break my head wide open…do
you want that?”
“Hmmm.”
“What does that
mean?”
“It means I have to
think about it…about now I’m thinking yes! Besides, the sliver will stick to the bar.”
"I don't think it will."
"It will stick, the sliver sticks to the bar."
“Oh for crap sake, give me one luxury, I hate the sliver.”
"I don't think it will."
"It will stick, the sliver sticks to the bar."
“Oh for crap sake, give me one luxury, I hate the sliver.”
“OK…if you insist on
a new bar all the time, you can get a new bar whenever you want.”
“Thank you!”
It struck me that that concession came entirely too easy.
“Wait…where do we
keep the new bars of soap?
Hello!
Kare!
Soap…
where?…”
"Oh for crap sake, give me one luxury,"
ReplyDeleteI am so going to use this line in the future
too funny! i'm a sliver user, too.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the matter with a body wash liquid soap?
ReplyDeleteYou and I are alike on this one. Hubby uses the slivers until they are gone...me give me the new bar and I know where they are too. Bwahahahahahahaha.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
This reminds me of Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets.
ReplyDeleteDarn! I'd slap you!
ReplyDeleteYes, how could you discard a perfectly usable bar after only one use? Do you think soap grows on trees?
I do understand the need for simple luxuries, however. I prefer fresh sheets every night; and yes, fresh towels too. Forget what I stated before. We ought to have these things if only on our birthdays.
I am a reasonable man, no need for a new bar, but a bar, not a sliver.
DeleteI'm the one in our house who always uses things until they're gone. My Mrs. C. has cleverly hidden the new bars of soap and I notice she always seems to have a fresh bar. We use different toothpastes and her tube is always fat while mine needs to be jumped on to get a smidgen of toothpaste.
ReplyDeleteMrs. C needs to invest in a soap saver. She can actually make one of an old washcloth and a rubber band, but you can buy them, too, in Bed Bath and Beyond.
ReplyDeleteSurvey of comments says sliver bar soap people tend to marry whole bar soap people. Except for one or two who like to wash with liquid soap ( which I say is paying for water which is already running in the shower). I'm a sliver and hubby is a whole bar kinda guy. Wonder what that tells us?
ReplyDeleteGot to admit I use a bar of soap about as often as I use roller skates. Since going bald, I find that shampoo is a fine thing to use for both my head and my body (I'd never get my money's worth using it just on my head.)
ReplyDeleteI'm the liquid shower gel kinda gal. It saves me a lot of work cleaning off soap scum.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling you are a "squeeze the toothpaste tube from anywhere you like it" type person, whereas people like Mrs. Cranky and I always squeeze from the end.
On the contrary, I squeeze from the bottom and keep rolling that tube up!
DeleteLeenie is onto something. Just like Jack Sprat and wife complement each other, we are a sliver/whole bar couple, and betwixt the both of us, no soap goes to waste. When a bar reaches about a third of its former self, I must break out a new one. I leave the old one on the shower shelf, and my husband uses it until it's gone. None of that silly piggybacking for us.
ReplyDeleteI apply the sliver to the new bar at the end of the shower. It works. I call it a chick let. Or save all if your slivers and boil them together.
ReplyDeleteI too, have succumbed to the liquid soap use. Chasing slivers around, and trying to scoop up the blob of soap scum was just too much. I use the bath gel and add water to an almost empty bottle until it is truly the end of that.
ReplyDeleteI feel I am soaping responsibly. If there is such a thing.
Same here, I detest old soaps as they don't lather well, or rather not at all, its just a piece of something kept there in the soap dish/tray for the psychological part I suppose.
ReplyDelete“Wait…where do we keep the new bars of soap?"
ReplyDeleteWhat the heck man, you can't find stuff? How do you know it's not kept in entirely the wrong place.
And you call yourself Cranky? Really? :-)
Irish Spring, half dozen bars, $3.50. Stock it up and enjoy, man! I toss the slivers but prefer the bars. Seriously, body wash? That's like buying water, it's gone before you open the bottle.
A new bar for every shower??
ReplyDeleteThat's 365 bars a year!
are you crazy??
Even bought in six packs that's a lot of $$$
And how do you not know where the soap is kept? Does Mrs Cranky hide it?
Okay, I've just read your reply to Rosaria, not a new bar or near new every day, thank goodness, because I was imagining a cupboard in your house overflowing with once-used bars of soap waiting for Mrs C to use them up.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind the slivers as long as they are big enough to get a decent grip on.
When a full bar is smashed together with a sliver, eventually they will stick; you'll have to pick up the sliver from the shower flood only one or eight times before it sticks permanently. :)
ReplyDelete