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Monday, April 21, 2014

PHONE-A-FRIEND - a cranky rerun

 I recently had an idea for a post involving a superman question, then I realized I had already written one so instead of doing it over differently this cranky re-run is from May 2013

I used to like the TV quiz show “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” until they changed the format.  The old format gave a contestant who didn’t know an answer the opportunity to “Phone-a-friend” to get help.  I always said my phone-a-friend would be my friend “Frog.”

Frog (named as he once wore glasses reminiscent of “Froggy” in the “Little Rascal Comedies”) is my friend all the way back to high school and he is an expert in everything, especially history where he has a Doctorate (almost) in American History.  I guess I should call him Doctor Frog.  Anyway, the only problem with Dr. Frog as my phone-a-friend is his tendency to ramble on with facts not requested.  I have a recurring nightmare where I am a contestant on the old format of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire.”

“OK Cranky, you are down to your final question worth ONE MILLION DOLLARS.  Ready?

“I’m ready Regis.”

“Here it is…”

What is the name of the Master Sergeant in the Civil War who before the battle of Squeak Falls said, “Five minutes till hell boys, smok’em if you gott’em.”

A.   Fred "Fast Freddie" James

B.   Martin "Fruitboots" Kurtika

C.    Roy "Catfish" Miller

D.   Gilbert "Bud" Shill

“That is a tough one Regis; I’d like to ask a friend.  I’d like to call Dr. Frog.”

“OK sure, we'll call Doctor…Frog?  Does he know history?”

“If he doesn’t know the answer, the answer doesn’t exist!”

“All right then we’re calling Doctor Frog…Hello is this Doctor Frog?”


“This is Regis of the Millionaire Show.  We have a friend of yours, a Mister Cranky, he is going for ONE MILLION DOLLARS and he needs your help.”

“OK, sure…go ahead.”

“You have one minute.  Here is the question”:

What is the name of the Master Sergeant in the Civil War who before the battle of Squeak Falls said, “Five minutes till hell boys, smok’em if you gott’em.”

A.   Fred "Fast Freddie" James

B.   Martin "Fruitboots" Kurtika

C.    Roy "Catfish" Miller"

D.   Gilbert "Bud" Shill

“That is an easy one Regis; it just happens that in 1974 I wrote a thesis on that very person.”

“Forty-five seconds.”

“Yes; the battle of Squeak Falls was very important.”

“Thirty seconds.”

“If the South won that battle, they would secure their supply lines for…”

“Twenty seconds Doctor Frog,”

“As I was saying, they would secure very important supply lines for their march toward…”

“Ten seconds.”

“Ten seconds?”

“Five now.”

“OK then, the answer is…”

“Oh, I’m sorry, time is up.  We had to hang up on Doctor Frog.  Do you have a guess Mr. Cranky?”

“Yes Regis, I’m going to guess that I will have to friggin kill Doctor Frog!!”

I always wake up in a cold sweat.


Actually, I was once the phone-a-friend for Frog.

Frog had an argument with his then girl friend, now wife, Hilary.  At 2 AM one morning I received a call from Frog,

“Jowles*, I need you to settle an argument.  I’m here with Hilary…”

“Hi Hilary, glad to finally meet you.”

“Never mind that, here is the question.  When Superman changes into his Superman outfit where does he put his civilian clothes?”

“That’s easy; he has a pocket in his cape!”

THANK YOU!.…I told you so Hil! Gotta go Jowles, thanks!”


And THAT, Doctor Frog, is how a phone-a-friend answers a question!

*Old knick name…long story.    


  1. Bwahahahahahahaha. Very funny.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  2. I saw this before.
    You're right is a nightmare.
    It ended the same way last time.

  3. Dr. Frog may be my husband. Wait, I guess that would make me Hilary. So, maybe not. But I can see some similarities: specifically, "his tendency to ramble on with facts not requested."

  4. Now that was funny but also informative. Didn't know about that pocket:))

  5. You have an interesting relationship with your friends. If someone called me at that time of night with such a question he would regret it.

  6. Too funny!

    So when are we going to hear about your nickname...Jowles?

  7. There's a place in the world for a rambler. So says Dan Fogelberg. Oh. Wait. I think he actually said GAMBLER. that Frog is out of luck. He has to stay in your nightmares.

  8. First the good news: You can call me next time. I know a lot about history. It was my minor in college. Now the bad news: I've never been an economical user of words, either. I'd probably ramble on about as long as Dr. Frog. In other words, you're still screwed. :)


  9. LOL; even if it was a repeat, I hadn't read it before. Hubby's the expert here on facts. Maybe if the situation did come up and Dr. Frog realized he might get a split of the money, he'd answer quicker without a story?


  10. Funny. If I were on this program I think I'd call...YOU!

  11. Jowles, I think I've read a Frog post before. Lot of history there. He sounds like an interesting person to talk to... maybe. :)

    I catch Millionaire while eating lunch sometimes or washing lunch dishes. Why, why, why do people take a (wrong) guess when they have another lifeline and $50,000 in their bank?! I guess that's what makes the show fun.