THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
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Sunday, April 13, 2014
STUPID HEADLINES 041314
STUPID HEADLINES 041314
It is time once again for
Headline courtesy of Fraternity brother "Squeak"
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid
headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments. One headline is completely made up,
guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-do.
Marinating meat with beer reduces
cancer risk – I
intend to marinate from the inside with a six pack a day.
booked on attempted murder charge – Baby was wearing an “Osh Gosh by Gosh” onesie with a
hoodie and was holding a bag of skittles so… Doctors successfully implant lab-grown
vaginas – My mind boggles at the possibilities. UMass basketball player comes
out as gay – This
is news?When an Olympic figure skater
comes out as straight, that will be news!*
BMW Blocks Hydrant, Boston
Firefighters Go Right Through It – I hate to keep picking on BMW drivers and how their S**t don’t
stink, but way to go BFD!
Podiatrist claims foot pain from high
heels can be relieved through breast massage – I am going to take a wild guess that
his specialty is high heel foot pain.
Charges reduced for mom who allegedly drove
SUV filled with kids into ocean – Charge is dropped from attempted murder to DWU…driving
while under water.
Man Who Peed In Co-worker's Coffee Ordered To Pay $5K – Next time try the toilet…it’s free!
accused of invention, lies in third day of cross-examination – Olympian accused of murder
does not have a…does not have a…I’m sorry, even I can’t do it…it’s just too
rules flashing headlights is free speech in Oregon case – Wait…are we talking cars here, cause that other thing is kinda involuntary
and clearly is free speech.
JPMorgan loses money every time it makes a mortgage – I need to double check my old Eco 101 text
book, I’m pretty sure that is a bad formula for any bank.
Lisa Vanderpump's Husband Sued Over
Alleged Bar Brawl – Beverly
Hills Housewife tough guy husband put down his sissy dog and attempted to Gay
Slap construction worker on the arm…ooh scary!**
get over yourself, when we can openly joke about a stereotype, we can bury our
differences.I have no problem hanging
with gay friends and listening to their jokes about straight men…well I am a
bit offended when they refer to me as a “Breeder.”