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Sunday, April 13, 2014

STUPID HEADLINES 041314


STUPID HEADLINES 041314

It is time once again for
Ya think?
Headline courtesy of Fraternity brother "Squeak"
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline is completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-do.

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Marinating meat with beer reduces cancer risk – I intend to marinate from the inside with a six pack a day.

9-month-old booked on attempted murder charge – Baby was wearing an “Osh Gosh by Gosh” onesie with a hoodie and was holding a bag of skittles so…

Doctors successfully implant lab-grown vaginasMy mind boggles at the possibilities.


 
UMass basketball player comes out as gay – This is news?  When an Olympic figure skater comes out as straight, that will be news!*

BMW Blocks Hydrant, Boston Firefighters Go Right Through It – I hate to keep picking on BMW drivers and how their S**t don’t stink, but way to go BFD!

Podiatrist claims foot pain from high heels can be relieved through breast massage – I am going to take a wild guess that his specialty is high heel foot pain.

Charges reduced for mom who allegedly drove SUV filled with kids into ocean – Charge is dropped from attempted murder to DWU…driving while under water.

Man Who Peed In Co-worker's Coffee Ordered To Pay $5K – Next time try the toilet…it’s free!

Oscar Pistorius accused of invention, lies in third day of cross-examination – Olympian accused of murder does not have a…does not have a…I’m sorry, even I can’t do it…it’s just too easy.

Judge rules flashing headlights is free speech in Oregon case – Wait…are we talking cars here, cause that other thing is kinda involuntary and clearly is free speech.

JPMorgan loses money every time it makes a mortgageI need to double check my old Eco 101 text book, I’m pretty sure that is a bad formula for any bank.

Lisa Vanderpump's Husband Sued Over Alleged Bar Brawl – Beverly Hills Housewife tough guy husband put down his sissy dog and attempted to Gay Slap construction worker on the arm…ooh scary!**

 
*Oh get over yourself, when we can openly joke about a stereotype, we can bury our differences.  I have no problem hanging with gay friends and listening to their jokes about straight men…well I am a bit offended when they refer to me as a “Breeder.”

**See *
For winners of the last Stupid Headline contest http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2014/04/contest-winners.html

11 comments:

  1. i am at a loss as to a pick, so i'll go with lab-grown...

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  2. I've gotta go with the 9 month old - though it just seems too easy. As always, they were all great. Thank you for the fun laughs this morning! :D

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  3. I'll go with the SUV as I know of no charge of driving while under water.

    Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. :)

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  4. I'll go with the vicious 9-month-old killer.

    And now I learned my high school guidance counselor gave me ANOTHER bum steer? Besides missing out on becoming a Brazilian bikini wax specialist I also missed out on being a spike-heel podiatrist? DOH!

    S

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  5. How in the heck do you find these things? Your comments are a hoot. I have heard a few of them. I'm going to go with the podiatrist. He'd deserve to be .. ummm.. busted!

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  6. I've heard of a few of them, too. Several others sound made up...it's really difficult to decide. I think I'll go with JPMorgan losing money on mortgages. No bank would really ever lose money over something, would it?

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  7. I read about most of these but I don't recall tithe one about the podiatrist so I 'll pick that one.

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  8. I'm gonna go with the podiatrist also. I heard the baby thing on the radio the other day. Stupid! Seriously

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  9. I think it is about J P Morgan.

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  10. I've gotta go with JPMorgan as fake. How else are they making money...through some clandestine breast-massage-certification business that caters to podiatrists?

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  11. I'm not sure on the headlines. My TV time has been reduced and is limited to catching the weather. I do hope that the false headline is not the one about the podiatrist though!

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