THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Sunday, April 27, 2014
STUPID HEADLINES 042714
STUPID HEADLINES 042714
It is time once again for
Thanks again Squeak
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid
headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments. One headline is completely made up,
guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-do.
Spain town with 'Kill Jews' in name mulls
change – Town will vote on new name, “Massacre Muslims” or
Head injury during bar fight turns
'ordinary' guy into math whiz – Only whiz I ever got from a bar was the need to whiz.
Strip Club Doubles As Church – Can I have an AMEN!
Credit Cards of 2014 - #1 has the name
William Gates on the front.
Man Fakes Kidnapping But Mom Won't Pay $200 Ransom – Mom offered $500 to keep him.
Naps linked with higher risk of death – I quit smoking, I quit drinking, I am not
giving up my naps!
teen arrested with loaded gun stashed in her vagina – She was
charged “with gun possession and introducing contraband into a ‘penal
facility.’” Is that what the kids are calling them now…‘Penal Facilities?’ Some stuff you can’t make up…thx Scott P.
Bush: ‘I’m thinking about running for president’ – Because
out of 200 million people, we can only find a Clinton or a Bush to be qualified
to run the country.Damn, aren’t there
any Kennedy’s around?
Obama: “Japanese robots a little
scary!” – You just know he wanted to say
“Arigato Mr. Roboto!”
Man sues doctors for mocking him while he
was unconscious – If you
can’t mock someone when he is unconscious, when can you mock him?
Massachusetts teacher who had chair thrown
at her by student won't face punishment – Well then how is she ever going to learn
California man finds his own
message in bottle after 40 years – He
found the bottle in his basement, message ordered two quarts of milk, a pound
of butter and a dozen eggs.
cancels graduation speech amid protests – Maybe we should
just teach our higher education students to go “Na na na na nana…CAN’T HEAR YOU”
instead of complaining about every non-plain vanilla commencement address speaker.
Senate candidate scrutinized for cockfighting comments – The candidate
responded to criticism, “Oh…Chickens!Never mind.”
week’s fake headline was:
Man trains his dog to use a toilet – Turns out it is really the Portland reservoir.