Stupid Headlines 120212
Sunday! Time for the headlines of the week and my stupid, sophmoric and sometimes offensive comments.
Man Arrested After Telling Kids Santa Isn't Real – “Yes Virginia, there is a St. Dick!”
Photo of Titanic Iceberg Up for Sale – If you’re interested I’ve got a cup of water from the melted iceberg that sunk the Titanic, sure it’s real, I got it out of the Atlantic!
Chinese paper congratulates Kim Jong Un on being named ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ by the Onion- “The Onion?” Is that a satirical paper?
Doesn’t tighten my shorts, but then I’m a guy so…
All items in '12 Days of Christmas' now top $107K – I guess Mrs. Cranky is going to have to do without the “geese a laying” this year!
Kim Kardasian’s Skirt Causes Outrage – Don’t blame the messenger!
Two words Kim: Underwear and Stairmaster
Woman who thinks she has kidney infection is actually in labor – This is really not that hard to believe…I once thought I was in labor, but it turned out to be a kidney infection.
Scientist claims to have sequenced ‘Bigfoot’ DNA – If no one has taken a picture of Bigfoot in over 60 years of concentrated effort how the heck did this dude manage to get a swab in Bigfoot’s mouth?
College: Students Can’t Sell “Christmas” Trees – Trees must be sold as “Holiday Trees.”
How about, “These Holiday Trees are especially suited for display on or before December 25, but they have no religious meaning whatsoever as that would interfere with the doctrine of separation of church and state, so these are in no way Christmas Trees they are Holiday Trees which will not be sold after December 25th because traditionally Holiday Trees do not sell very well after that date.
RT- This blog is in no way supported by any government institution so:CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, GOD, GOD, GOD
No Person Got Shot, Stabbed, Slashed, or Murdered in NYC Monday – I guess we need some more violence on TV.
5 Things You Should Know About Gay Conversion Therapy – It doesn’t work; It doesn’t work; It doesn’t work, It doesn’t work; What the frick do you think you are curing anyway? Oh…and It doesn’t work.
Dozens in New Jersey sickened by hazardous gas after train derailment – Come on! These people must have been from out of state. Hazardous gas in New Jersey? Have you ever driven through exit 13?
State to Eliminate “Bride” & “Groom” on Marriage Certificates – Washington State to replace them with Person A and Person B…anti-alphebetarians hold protest!
Judge rules atheist court case seeking removal of Jesus statue meant as World War II memorial near Montana ski resort can continue – Resort plans to rename likeness of Jesus with a ski helmet - FRED…wink, wink “We know it is really Jesus,” resort owner says.
Skiers surround statue of Fred (It’s really Jesus)
Harvard to welcome kinky sex club for students – Club will be called “The Scull and Boner Society.”
Vermont newspaper defends decision to hire sex offender as reporter- Paper claims no other candidate had his extensive knowledge of girl’s junior high volleyball.
AND A SPECIAL SUNDAY EDITION OF TODDLER TALK:
Toddler talk quiz for today from (whom else, Connor)
– “Menowa mik shit!”