THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
NEW AND IMPROVED
This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Stupid Headlines 120212
Stupid Headlines 120212
Sunday! Time for the headlines of the week and my stupid, sophmoric and sometimes offensive comments.
Man Arrested After Telling Kids Santa Isn't Real – “Yes
Virginia, there is a St. Dick!”
Photo of Titanic Iceberg Up for Sale – If you’re interested I’ve got a cup of water from the
melted iceberg that sunk the Titanic, sure it’s real, I got it out of the
Chinese paper congratulates Kim Jong Un on being named
‘Sexiest Man Alive’ by the Onion- “The
Onion?”Is that a satirical paper?
You be the judge!
Doesn’t tighten my shorts, but then I’m a guy so…
All items in
'12 Days of Christmas' now top $107K – I guess Mrs. Cranky is going
to have to do without the “geese a laying” this year!
Kim Kardasian’s Skirt Causes Outrage – Don’t
blame the messenger!
Two words Kim: Underwear and
Woman who thinks she has kidney infection is actually in
labor – This is really not that hard to
believe…I once thought I was in labor, but
it turned out to be a kidney infection.
Scientist claims to have sequenced ‘Bigfoot’ DNA – If no one has taken a picture of Bigfoot in over 60 years
of concentrated effort how the heck did this dude manage to get a swab in Bigfoot’s
College: Students Can’t Sell “Christmas” Trees – Trees must be sold as “Holiday Trees.”
How about, “These
Holiday Trees are especially suited for display on or before December 25, but
they have no religious meaning whatsoever as that would interfere with the
doctrine of separation of church and state, so these are in no way Christmas
Trees they are Holiday Trees which will not be sold after December 25th
because traditionally Holiday Trees do not sell very well after that date.
RT- This blog is in
no way supported by any government institution so:
CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS,
GOD, GOD, GOD
No Person Got Shot, Stabbed, Slashed, or Murdered in
NYC Monday – I guess we need some
more violence on TV.
5 Things You Should Know About Gay Conversion Therapy
– It doesn’t work; It doesn’t work;
It doesn’t work, It doesn’t work; What the frick do you think you are curing
anyway? Oh…and It doesn’t work.
Dozens in New Jersey sickened by hazardous gas after
train derailment – Come on! These people must have been
from out of state.Hazardous gas in New
Jersey?Have you ever driven through
State to Eliminate “Bride” & “Groom” on Marriage
Certificates – Washington State to
replace them with Person A and Person B…anti-alphebetarians hold protest!
Judge rules atheist court case seeking removal of Jesus
statue meant as World War II memorial near Montana ski resort can continue – Resort plans to rename likeness of Jesus with a ski helmet
- FRED…wink, wink “We know it is really
Jesus,” resort owner says.
Skiers surround statue of Fred(It’s really Jesus)
Harvard to welcome kinky sex club for students – Club will be called “The Scull and Boner Society.”
Vermont newspaper defends decision to hire sex offender
as reporter- Paper claims no other candidate had his
extensive knowledge of girl’s junior high volleyball.
AND A SPECIAL SUNDAY EDITION OF TODDLER TALK:
Toddler talk quiz for today from (whom else, Connor)