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Friday, December 7, 2012



HELP! Help, I am being held hostage in Disney World. Actually I have an agreement with Mrs. Cranky, she puts up with me all year long, and I act pleasant at Disney World four days a year. So far I’m not holding up my end of the bargain.

Disney seems like a nice place.  It is clean…immaculate actually.  Everyone who works at Disney is sooo nice.  They are always smiling, and always friendly.  They keep telling me, “Welcome home!”  This is not my home, why do they keep saying that?

I think this place is a prison for happy people.  Cranky people do not belong at Disney World.  Everyone is walking around with Disney pins, Disney hats, and Disney everything.  Well everyone is not walking around; half of the people in this prison get round on “Little Rascals.”  I’ve never seen so many people that can’t walk, all in one place. 

In Disney World if you can’t walk you get on and off the bus first, you get moved to the front of the attraction lines, and everyone in your family gets the same priority treatment.  Apparently everyone “in the know” goes to Disney World with a designated cripple, or DC to gain priority access.

There are other things about this place besides happy people and the “Little Rascal” people that make me want to blow this joint. 

This place is crawling with little kids.  They are not the beaming happy children we see on the commercials for Disney World.  They are whiney, demanding, pouty, tired miserable miniature human beings.

“I want a Mickey Hat!  I want a sorcerer’s wand! I want Ice cream!  I want my face painted!  I want a picture with Mickey!  I want, I want I want!!!”

HELP!! I want out of here!

This place is also crawling with weird characters with weird outfits.  I think they are creepy.

There needs to be some changes at Disney World to make it suitable for Cranky people.

First, send everyone who cannot walk to “Rascal Land” where they can get their ass kissed without taking away from my time.  At “Rascal Land” everyone goes to the front of the line, but the line never makes it into the attraction.  It is just one revolving line where the front constantly changes and no one ever gets anywhere.

Second, allow no kids.  Disney admissions should turn away everyone under 5 feet tall.

Third, replace all the funny characters in weird outfits with really hot young ladies in skimpy outfits serving free liquor.

Fourth, along with the pirate ships and pyramids and replicas of Paris, New York City and other attractions add slot machines, gaming tables and easy access to call girls.

We would have to rename this paradise for cranky people.  How about:

Las Vegas!  


  1. Sorry, no sympathy from me....I love Disney World. Of course, I also love Las Vegas and have been there much more recently.

  2. Like Jeanie, I love them both, but Disneyland would be more fun it they didn't allow cranky people!!

  3. You have me cracking up over here in Calif. I am so dreading the trip to Dinseyland with my child it is not even funny. How can a place with that many screaming kids be the happiest place on earth? Hang tough cranky you will make it

  4. I feel your pain Cranky, and am very relieved that my children are now too old to want to go.

    Do I take you guys are there with the grandkids. Only 4 days Cranky - only 4 days


  5. I feel your pain Cranky. I spent a year at Disney World one weekend. As I recall it was in July...hotter 'n hell July. I spent several days just going round and round and round on "It's a Small World" because it was inside some sort of air conditioned cave. DW was absolute hell. But they did have a good fireworks show every night.


  6. I'll have to remember that if I ever get the chance to go to Disney World. Take someone who can't walk properly, or at least someone who's willing to pretend they can't.

  7. Oh, comments re your Disney blog are too long an d toopungent to post here. I will have to write a blog of my own about it to do justice to the subject.

    Let me just say that I worked for Disney for 10 years (as a computer program specialist) and managed to avoid ever going to Disneyland.....not an easy feat I'll tell you.

    All I can say is, take deep breaths and tough it out....4 days will finlly end before you least I hope so.

  8. As someone that has never been to Disney World, I wouldn't know. But if you would like me to go with you next year I would be your DC.

  9. We did the obligatory pilgrimage to The Mouse back in the spring of '89 (we only had three kids, so that tells you how long ago it was). We went during Spring Break, and stayed w/ my aunt in Sarasota. The beaches on Siesta Key were incredible (the college kids hadn' discovered them yet).

    But The Mouse. . . We were in the park for 10 hours, and rode 10 rides. The rest of the time we were standing in line. Around dinner time, we actually rode 'Small World' a second time, because we were walking by, and there was no line. Oh, Lord, make it stop! That infernal, smarmy muzak! Please, make it stop!

    But the not-so-subliminal message came through loud and clear - DW is Heaven! This is what happens to good little boys and girls!


  10. Thanks for the Rascal tip. Now I need to figure out who I might bring along when we go to Disney in the non-planned future. :)

  11. You know they say Disney is a people trap operated by a mouse :)