After 15 minutes of careful consideration I submit the best
of
STUPID HEADLINES for 2012
These are Cranky's best headlines with my stupidier, sophmoric and sometimes offensive comments. If you think these are bad, you see the ones I discarded!
Egyptian
Court Bans Military 'Virginity Tests' on Female Detainees –
Egyptian Military no longer able to ask female detainees, “Do you know what a
virgin is?”
One Million Moms to JC Penney: fire
Ellen, she's gay – Ellen
to one million moms: Fuck you, I’m rich!
Some blacks insist: 'I'm not
African-American' – They now insist on being referred to
as “Not-a-cracker-American”
Family
asks judge to order Massachusetts school district to remove 'under God' from
Pledge of Allegiance – Family also requests that the word
DOG never be displayed in front of a mirror.
What sank the Titanic? Scientists
point to the moon – It
was an iceberg…did they even see the movie?
William
Ayers: 'I get up every morning thinking ... today I'm gonna end capitalism' – “But then I get a headache trying to figure
out how to price all that shit.”
Police: US Virgin Islands mother had week-old baby girl zipped up in her purse while driving – “Hmmm driver’s license, driver’s license…I know it’s in here…OH here, right under the baby.”
Sarkozy dangles "empty chair" threat
over Europe – Ooooh Europe is
sooo scared. An empty chair….Ooooh!
Does the
G-spot exist? New study fuels debate – Experts claim it is right between the F-spot and the
H-spot, but for some unknown reason men cannot find it.
Ohio man was
making meth inside Walmart, police say – Police also
claim the man wath trying to thteal lotth of thtuff and refuthed to clean up
hith meth.
World awaits latest in hunt for Higgs
particle – Scientist’s
search includes chant, “Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony please come around;
something is lost and needs to be found.”
Pakistan
shuns physicist linked to 'God particle' because of religious beliefs
- Country demands
the scientific discovery be named the “Allah Thingy.”
Scientists may have found the secret
to a male birth control pill – Pill makes
most women look like Justin Beiber.
Baby born in
plane toilet named after Emirates Airline – The other choice was “American Standard.”
Mars Curiosity rover stops sampling
to check out shiny object seen on surface – NASA’s robot falls for the old Martian ring on a
string gag!
"Baby born in plane toilet named after Emirates Airline "
ReplyDeleteYou heard that Prince Albert of Monaco has admitted to fathering a child with an Air France flight attendant in the lavatory at 35,000 feet? I guess you could say she "had Prince Albert in the can." :)
S
The robot may be a magpie.
ReplyDeleteGreat job with another Hilarious Headliners! I made a couple notes on Fish need water and the Bugs with wings are flying bugs because without those headlines I might have known that! :) Keep the headlines coming in 2013!
ReplyDeleteOMG you just cracked me the hell up. The meth head in Walmart.....Love
ReplyDeleteFUNNY, as always!!
ReplyDeleteFish need water, Feds say. I wonder how many millions were squandered on that study.
ReplyDeleteThe moon sank the Titanic? Huh, and here I thought it was the ridiculous amount of water that got in through a bunch of holes.
ReplyDeleteYou are wonderfully, beautifully insane.
ReplyDelete"Family also requests that the word DOG never be displayed in front of a mirror."
Seriously made me laugh so loud I was afraid my upstairs neighbors might become alarmed.
You're a funny guy It's not just because I'm blonde, but I'm laughing uncontrollably over American Standard
ReplyDelete