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Sunday, December 30, 2012


After 15 minutes of careful consideration I submit the best of




These are Cranky's best headlines with my stupidier, sophmoric and sometimes offensive comments.  If you think these are bad, you see the ones I discarded!
Egyptian Court Bans Military 'Virginity Tests' on Female Detainees – Egyptian Military no longer able to ask female detainees, “Do you know what a virgin is?”

One Million Moms to JC Penney: fire Ellen, she's gayEllen to one million moms:  Fuck you, I’m rich!

Some blacks insist: 'I'm not African-American'They now insist on being referred to as “Not-a-cracker-American”

Family asks judge to order Massachusetts school district to remove 'under God' from Pledge of Allegiance – Family also requests that the word DOG never be displayed in front of a mirror.

What sank the Titanic? Scientists point to the moon – It was an iceberg…did they even see the movie?

William Ayers: 'I get up every morning thinking ... today I'm gonna end capitalism' – “But then I get a headache trying to figure out how to price all that shit.”

Police: US Virgin Islands mother had week-old baby girl zipped up in her purse while driving – “Hmmm driver’s license, driver’s license…I know it’s in here…OH here, right under the baby.”

Sarkozy dangles "empty chair" threat over Europe – Ooooh Europe is sooo scared.  An empty chair….Ooooh!

Does the G-spot exist? New study fuels debateExperts claim it is right between the F-spot and the H-spot, but for some unknown reason men cannot find it.

Ohio man was making meth inside Walmart, police say – Police also claim the man wath trying to thteal lotth of thtuff and refuthed to clean up hith meth.

World awaits latest in hunt for Higgs particle Scientist’s search includes chant, “Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony please come around; something is lost and needs to be found.”

Pakistan shuns physicist linked to 'God particle' because of religious beliefs - Country demands the scientific discovery be named the “Allah Thingy.”

Scientists may have found the secret to a male birth control pill Pill makes most women look like Justin Beiber.

Baby born in plane toilet named after Emirates AirlineThe other choice was “American Standard.”

Mars Curiosity rover stops sampling to check out shiny object seen on surface – NASA’s robot falls for the old Martian ring on a string gag!



  1. "Baby born in plane toilet named after Emirates Airline "

    You heard that Prince Albert of Monaco has admitted to fathering a child with an Air France flight attendant in the lavatory at 35,000 feet? I guess you could say she "had Prince Albert in the can." :)


  2. Great job with another Hilarious Headliners! I made a couple notes on Fish need water and the Bugs with wings are flying bugs because without those headlines I might have known that! :) Keep the headlines coming in 2013!

  3. OMG you just cracked me the hell up. The meth head in Walmart.....Love

  4. Fish need water, Feds say. I wonder how many millions were squandered on that study.

  5. The moon sank the Titanic? Huh, and here I thought it was the ridiculous amount of water that got in through a bunch of holes.

  6. You are wonderfully, beautifully insane.

    "Family also requests that the word DOG never be displayed in front of a mirror."

    Seriously made me laugh so loud I was afraid my upstairs neighbors might become alarmed.

  7. You're a funny guy It's not just because I'm blonde, but I'm laughing uncontrollably over American Standard