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Wednesday, December 12, 2012



Media outlets now have a new go-to-story when it is a slow news day.  Swabbing stuff!  It turns out if you swab just about anything and analyze it  you will find the object is chock full of germs, saliva, semen, urine and a good deal of the time…gasp…oh the horror…FECAL MATTER!!

Swab a hand rail…germs…and…fecal matter!

Swab a door knob…germs…and…you guessed it!

Swab the floor, swab a wall, swab a public water fountain, swab pocket change, swab dollar bills, swab virtually anything and the result:


So what do these media geniuses recommend?  Don’t touch anything.  If you do touch anything, wash your hands.  Carry anti-bacterial gel with you and rub it on your hands about 100 times a day.  Stay away from kids, stay away from damp areas, and stay away from FECAL MATTER!

The economy has jumped on the germ phobic bandwagon.  TV advertises steam cleaners, disinfectant sprays, and cleaning agents of every kind to kill germs and…yes…even…FECAL MATTER!  They even sell a disinfectant soap dispenser that shoots out a dollop of soap without having to touch a dirty old soap dispenser pump because that pump may have germs and or FECAL MATTER!

Oh, don’t forget our public water supply, it is loaded with chemicals such as lead and arsenic and yes…even…FECAL MATTER!

If you add these swab stories to the studies that show our dry food has a certain percentage of insect parts, our meats have a percentage of salmonella and FECAL MATTER, and the air we breathe is loaded with carcinogens, germs and even microscopic specs of FECAL MATTER you can come to only one conclusion:

Do not touch anything, do not eat anything, and do not breathe anything without first disinfecting, boiling and or filtering it.

All this information is great to know. I can only imagine how many germs and …you know…I have consumed over the years without knowing it.

Studies have proven that FECAL MATTER taken in small doses over seven or eight decades can prove fatal.  This was particularly disturbing to me when I finally Googled FECAL MATTER.

Oh Shit!


  1. I am not so germophobic but I am sort of ich-ophobic, so I will second your final words.

  2. So. . . You're saying we're all gonna eat shit and die?

  3. I think you're trying to say we're all full of shit!!

  4. I definitely like Fishducky's take on this! :) IDK I can remember when my kids were younger, they were always bringing home all sorts of stuff from school to share with the family- from nose drips to creeping crud and yes hand washing was important however after entering the world of retail and an incident at the 4 am hour with a local stripper paying for smokes with money she just pulled outta her panties whilst standing in front of me, I was sold on the whole idea of rubber gloves, hand washing after each customer and became was sold on the hand sanitizer in the economy gallon sized bottles!

  5. I think there needs to be a major public education initiative launched to teach whoever is shitting all over themselves proper bathroom and toilet paper use.


  6. Oh the horror of it! We didn't know this until the media spoke up with their usual amount of FECAL MATTER.

    Just to re-assure you, we now spend so much time and money on cleaning the bathroom that there is a far worse candidate for fecal contamination than your toilet seat. Your computer keyboard!

    And if fecal contamination worries you then you will be devastated to hear about an almost unknown contaminent, dihydrogen monoxide, a chemical which has been found in almost all corpses. Check

  7. There's fecal matter and germs in just about everything. We humans have been around long enough to have become immune to most of these icky things. Let's not talk about all the bugs in our eyelashes.

  8. By pure coincidence I just came across this web page which is:

  9. Oh shit is right! I don't even what to think about all the fecal matter germs out there. Gross...


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