HEADLINES 031812

HEADLINES 031812

It’s Sunday, time for this week’s silly headlines and my stupider, sophomoric comments.

'Pink slime' is good for America's schoolchildren, manufacturers claim- Slime spokesman says, “WE prefer to call it colorful meat-like extract.  It is perfectly safe.  We also add bug parts for extra protein.”

Middle school coach Timothy Forbes bites off part of opposing coach’s ear following loss – Forbes stated afterward, “That son-of-a-bitch would not know good sportsmanship if it bit him!”

Suit: NASA specialist axed over intelligent design – NASA has a strict rule that all designs be stupid.

Deaths barred in Italian village – Penalty for breaking this law is said to be very severe.

New Hampshire town to vote on renaming Jew Pond – Residents must choose between Kike Puddle or Nigger Lake.

LSD Might Help Alcoholics Quit, Stay Abstinent – Success is attributed to the inability of users to tell the difference between liquor bottles and screaming rainbow colored monkeys.

UN panel adopts sidelined report that praised Qaddafi rights record – They also handed out medals to those backward countries which advocate victims of rape marry their rapist so as to not shame their family.

Massachusetts doctors offer free pizza with vasectomy- In retaliation, Vinnie’s Pizzeria is offering a free vasectomy with pizza.

Amish teens face charges for crashing into police car during buggy drag race – Oh those crazy Amish!

Woman addicted to drinking urine – She might want to try a little LSD.

GPS Tracking Disaster: Japanese Tourists Drive Straight into the Pacific- They apparently missed the command to turn left at the Indian Ocean.