THE BATHROOM SCALE
The last time I went to the doctor I was surprised to find I had gained 15 pounds in just a few months. I generally gain a few pounds in the winter, it is a genetic survival thing. The extra weight in the winter protects me from extreme cold, and in case I get stranded in a blizzard I can live off my stored fat for days.
I generally gain about five pounds in preparation for potential winter related emergencies. Gaining 15 pounds has me concerned. Surviving a stranding in a blizzard is great, but popping a blood vessel because of approaching obesity is not a reasonable trade off.
My increase in weight should not have surprised me. Normally putting on clothes that no longer fit is a red flag that you are gaining weight. In my new occupation, doing nothing, I do not wear different clothes that often. I have three pairs of comfort pants which, as they are worn often, tend to stretch with my increased girth. The visit to the doctor’s scale was an eye opener.
I have since been trying to watch what I eat, and I think I have lost a few pounds. To confirm this I could either try on a pair of pants that I haven’t worn for months, or test myself on our bathroom scale.
This is a scale that I did not know existed. I found it pushed under a cabinet. It was just what I needed to keep a check on my poundage. I stepped on the scale and low and behold I have lost fifteen pounds since my visit to the doctor two weeks ago.
Astounding!
It was astounding until I leaned on the scale a little to the left. Oops! I have gained 15 pounds from my doctor visit. I leaned to the right and I was now 30 pounds less than when I was weighed at the doctor’s. I found that with minor weight shifts on this scale I could vary my condition from morbidly obese to border-line anorexia.
I told Mrs. Cranky I was going to make an executive decision and buy a bathroom scale that actually works.
“What’s wrong with that scale?”
“Are you kidding? It is only accurate to within 100 pounds!”
“Not if you know where to stand on it. I just shift my weight until it stops where I want it.”
Mrs. Cranky is a smart lady. She knows every popular song for the last 60 years and can tell you who sang it. She can recite verbatim from about 50 different movies, is a PC trouble shooting master, and has a wealth of knowledge on a variety of topics.
Somehow the logic train never stopped at her station.
I’m going to buy a new scale.
lol, good one. I've gained weight too and am accepting that it is part of middle agee. don't matter squat what we eat! I still get the tummy. Enjoy good meals, and frankly, I'd prefer the broken scale. thanks for linking up on our weds hop this week -- missed you last week, Cranky as I remember!
ReplyDeleteI gained 5 pounds over the holidays! I already lose it since the new years.
ReplyDeleteDan the Mountain Man
danmtnman.blogspot.com
Bathroom scales suck they are never accurate and can have you starting the day actually happy or sad. I hate the f*ckin scale.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely time to get a new one, you can send yours to me, I'm liking it already.
ReplyDeleteYou should listen more to Mrs. Cranky. She sounds imminently sensible...
ReplyDeleteI like Mrs. Crankys way of thinking. You are a lucky man to have her around.
ReplyDeleteHaha, that's nice! I actually like how Mrs. Cranky thinks as well. I wonder if they ever used a digital bathroom scale, too. What do you guys think? What would possibly happen next?
ReplyDelete