HEADLINES 031112

HEADLINES 031112

Cranky's silly headlines from last week and his sillier sophmoric comments

Rachael Ray, Martha Stewart serve cold shoulder during NYC dinner outing – Rachael blames Martha for forgetting to turn on the oven.

Convicted killer received unemployment checks while in jail – Well he was unemployed!

New Mexico robber might have left severed finger – He took all the jewels, why would he also want a severed finger?

What sank the Titanic? Scientists point to the moon – It was an iceberg…did they even see the movie?

California condom rule has porn industry eyeing move to Arizona – Industry threatens to HEAD thru the BACKDOOR to Arizona.  Spokesperson says. “We will DO whatever is needed to LICK THIS CONDOM THING even if it means PULLING OUT of California and starting the ERECTION of new studios.  We are not afraid to CUM to a new state; we will not be SHACKLED AND BEATEN by this law which is a PERVERSION of our rights.”
Denver authorities: Dead inmate killed up to 20 – Seems to me he has a pretty good alibi.

Lottery winner on food stamps - This is the winner’s comment, “I feel that it’s okay because I mean, I have no income and I have bills to pay, I have two houses to maintain.”  (You cannot make this shit up!)

Penguins, flying first class, delight passengers on Delta flight – Well the passengers in coach were a bit pissed!

$100 or $1,000? Wide price range for birth control – How about $2.99 for panty hose?

Oregon considers banning Native American mascots – First they take away their land, now they take away their mascots?

Tanker ship runs aground off Sicily – Captain Francesco Schettino, after his second grounding this year asked, “Is it ‘red right return’ or ‘red right run-aground’?”  (Google it land-lubbers.)

California preacher admits he was wrong about Doomsday prediction – Well the evidence that the world did not come to an end is kinda irrefutable isn’t it?