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Monday, March 5, 2012



I am often asked, “Cranky, how do you stay so trim?”  It is true, I am only 30 pounds over my college weight and my waist line has only increased six inches.  How do I maintain my sleek physique?  Here are my secrets:

1.    Sit-ups – To keep a svelte mid-section sit-ups are very important.  The proper sit-up form is imperative.  From a horizontal position in bed, using slight pressure from your elbows lift yourself upward from your pillows, lean forward, swing your legs over the side of the bed and stand up.  In order to lie down again, simply perform the same movement in reverse order.  I perform this movement at least 8 times a day.  More if nature is calling a lot.

2.    Vertical push-aways – To work those pecs, arms and leg muscles, grab a table with both hands while sitting in a chair; simultaneously push away with the arms and legs, and stand up.  This movement should be repeated at least three times per day.  For extra exercise, the more advanced can also remove plates from the table and carry them to the kitchen sink.

3.     Stretching – Keeping limber and loose is very important in any physical fitness regime.  In the morning I bend over and place white cotton socks over my feet and pull upward,  I then reach upward in order to place a shirt over my head, pull down slowly on the shirt until comfortable.  These movements if done with proper form will loosen up back, shoulders, arms and legs.

4.     Double Leg Shuffle – Without sufficient leg strength, all exercise is useless.  I make sure to daily lift first one leg, shuffle it forward and then do the same with the other leg.  This forward movement not only works all the muscles in your legs, it also allows you to move yourself to the bathroom, the kitchen, the TV and back to bed.  Exercise the Double Leg Shuffle daily as needed.

5.     Weight Lifting – Weight lifting builds muscle.  Muscle burns more calories than fat.  I work out daily with a three pound laptop computer.  Picking it up and putting it down throughout the day provides excellent weight training.  Opening the computer, and snapping it shut provides additional muscle development.  I recommend as many as five to eight reps per day.

6.    Resistance Training – Force against an immovable object works the muscles much like weight training.  For resistance training, I argue with Mrs. Cranky.  This exercises the jaw muscles, and the flailing of arms improves blood circulation.

7.    Aerobic Exercise – To maintain a healthy heart, good lungs, and stamina one should exercise aerobically at least three times a week.  I find making up with Mrs. Cranky after resistance training to be very effective.  We try and “make up” at least three times a week.  Seven minutes of this aerobic exercise a week keeps me trim and fit.

8.    Virtual Exercise – At my age strenuous workouts can be dangerous.  I prefer virtual exercise.  For ten minutes, every day, I think about running.  Thinking about running increases my pulse rate and is a good heart workout.

9.    Cool Down – Any exercise program should include a cool down.  A proper cool down lets the body safely return to its normal heart rate and blood pressure.  My cool down involves not thinking about running for two minutes, followed by lying down and watching TV.  Cool down should not be underutilized.  Repeat cool down as necessary.     

As important as exercise is, it is important to know your limits.  Before attempting Cranky’s strenuous regime, be sure to consult with your doctor.  Results will vary from person to person and Cranky’s slim body and energy level is not guaranteed.  


  1. feeling a little tender in the head due to beer hangover this morning Cranky - but you still managed to make me smile, and to show me that I ahve been getting the whole exercise thing wrong.....I will start afresh, just as soon as this darn headache goes away :-)


  2. I plan to start your regimen first thing in the morning... Thanks Cranky ... I owe you one! ;-)

  3. As always, hilarious :)

    Thanks for officially signing up for my Got Green? Blog O'hop :)

    Looking forward to reading your post :)

  4. Such helpful advice, thank you! This should definitely become one of the Cranky Classics!

  5. Sounds easy enough. I'll begin tomorrow, am.... :D

  6. Well I am very pleased to see that I am already quite good at this exercise regime. Always nice to know you're fit and healthy.

  7. This is perfect and I plan to implement it immediately. I'm planning on working up to carrying three plates. At once. I know! ;)


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