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Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Beach Behavior

Beach Behavior
Two plus weeks at the Jersey Shore and it has been lovely except for a few complaints about…you guessed it, OTHER PEOPLE!!
Beach people to me are like all the people I run into; I like everyone I have ever met, and I hate everyone else. 
Come on people, simple manners. 
Here are Cranky’s rules for beach behavior.
1.    Music is lovely.  It is great that you love that country music, but just maybe, everyone on the beach does not enjoy your Red Neck Rap.  Turn down your friggin music!! Especially when you are in the water and not even near your Bose Blaster.

2.    Anchor your umbrella, and that does not mean screwing it four inches into the loose sand.  When the wind catches the umbrella just the right way, it will uproot it and send it down the beach like a run-away javelin…PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED!!  And while you are going in the water and leaving the umbrella alone, along with turning off your music, close the damn umbrella.

3.    I like kids (sometimes) and it is great watching them have fun on the beach.  You might want to watch yours also.  When they are digging and throwing sand up in the air and I am down wind, it is annoying, I suggest you ask them…no, tell them, to stop or move where there aren’t other people.

4.    Women who are morbidly obese should not wear a bikini.  Men of any weight should not wear a speedo.  Women with big cans and a firm nicely rounded butt who wear really skimpy bikinis are a distraction, they should turn down their music, anchor their umbrellas and watch their kids.

5.    When old people are tip-toeing into the icy water trying to get used to the temperature one body part at a time, do not run all splashy right next to them (me)…it is a big beach.

6.    Do not feed the sea gulls…EVER!!

7.    That spray SPF 40 stuff is great, but not when you are close and up wind of other people.

8.    Sometimes the beach is really crowded and it is difficult to find room for a chair and an umbrella.  Often during the week there is space all over, why do you have to plant yourself directly in front of me?

9.    If you are going to gossip; whisper so I don't hear, or or speak up so I can eavesdrop easily…one or the other.

10.                       Even if you can catch that football, and you can’t, do it away from me so I don’t have to play watch and duck.

That’s it, ten simple rules so everyone can have a good day at the beach; or do I have to run for Governor and close down the beach for everyone but my family?

29 comments:

  1. These are the reasons I gave up going to the beach years ago.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  2. Haven't been to the beach in years and that works for me.

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  3. LOL on the Christie reference!

    I'm with you on those rules.

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  4. Clever post, Governor Christie!!

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  5. Good rules, and, if I may add, while you are enjoying the beach and are fully topped up with whatever alcoholic beverage you have been enjoying to the point where you are absolutely positive everyone wants to hear what you are saying.....we don't. And, when it's time to shake the sand out of your towel and go home, cast a glance about you to make sure you are not shaking said sand into someone\s sandwiches. There....now I feel your list is complete.

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  6. "Women with big cans and a firm nicely rounded butt who wear really skimpy bikinis. . ."

    . . . I'm sorry, what were you saying?

    -----

    I grew up on the shores of Lake Huron, in a MUCH less-populated area than New Jersey, and I LOVES me some beach. Man, I used to spend hours in the water, practically every day, as a kid. . .

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  7. #3... I like kids, too.
    We should trade recipes. [JK]

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  8. I like the solitary beach time, never could do a lot of obnoxious people, loud music, or screaming kids.

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  9. If you have a dog, and it poops on the beach, clean it up.

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  10. I was reading along and working on my governor remark, but you beat me.

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  11. Yes, I hate it when I'm at the beach or anyplace where people insist on feeding birds. They do very well without our help and I don't like it when the flock around me.

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  12. Ah, I'm relieved. You're last two posts seemed far to congenial and, how can I say, not grouchy. I was worried.
    Cheers,
    Mike

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  13. Excellent rules everyone should follow, anyone with common sense wouldn't have to be told but as they say, common sense isn't common.

    Joe for Governor, I can see it now.

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  14. Good rules. I don't enjoy the beach as much as I used to. Too much work, too messy, too much sun for my skin canceled skin, the water is dirty and I'm afraid of sea creatures. I'm very cranky when it comes to the beach but then I am your daughter. I will say, when all the beach stars are aligned, nothing beats a day at the beach.

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  15. I'll take your word on all these things. I don't go to beaches, so I wouldn't know. I get hot enough just walking to my air conditioned car in the summer. I'm certainly not going to drive/fly somewhere and pay money to sweat when I can do it here (Texas) for free. I suspect you feel about winter the way I do about summer. Haha!

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  16. Good rules. The beach we go to does not permit pets or loud music. They need to ban a few of these other things, too.

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  17. Golly, it's been a long time since I've been to the beach..well one that's crowded anyway. Jack hates the sun and beach just isn't in his vocabulary or GPS. Wait, he did say "son of a beach" once. Anyway, good rules.

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  18. I recognize all eleven of those situations.

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  19. You could run for Governor, but I think closing the beach would have people up in arms against you. Probably a better idea is to find a secluded beach that no one else knows about and go there. Or go at night time, there's sure to be plenty of space then :D

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  20. I've a firm believer, no matter how they might think they look, that any woman over the age of 50 should not wear shorts that don't at least cover their knees. The same goes for bikinis.

    betty

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  21. No 8 was my bugbear. You would think people would like being away from other folk. Pity you can't publish or display you dislikes somewhere they can't be missed.

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  22. Music, tv broadcast, etc. were banned from my state's State Parks a decade ago, was I ever a happy camper (literally)

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  23. As a Florida transplant, I was missing the fact that there are no beaches in the Ozarks. Thanks, I feel better now.

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  24. People always look at me like I'm a crazy person when I break out the sledge hammer to make sure my umbrella is firmly rooted in the sand. And yet my umbrella has never once blown away in the wind.

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  25. Having grown up in a small beach town, our beaches never got that crowded, because we were pretty much there every day. We also knew, the tourists would come on those hot days...and we'd go somewhere else. I don't do CROWDS well and I don't like crowds. That's why in my old age I like the mountains and mountain streams and creeks. Never is crowded. Peaceful and serene.

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  26. My pet peeve at the beach are the people looking for Petoskey stones on Lake Michigan and seriously, they walk all around where you're sitting and totally get in your space.

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  27. I like beaches on cold (as in "Florida cold" i.e. low 70's) days, when I can walk at a brisk pace.

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