Things Guys Never Do
Men and women are different. That is not an earth shattering observation. They are not just different in their plumbing and their instincts to nurture; these are obvious differences that aid women in child bearing and care, their original and once traditional place in the family unit. There are also differences that are universal, but defy explanation. These are things that almost all women do that almost no man would ever do.
When a woman is surprised she instinctively covers her mouth with her hands. For some reason a woman does not want to show an open mouth when they are surprised. A man puts his hands out and yells “No friggin way!”
When a woman is touched by something she clutches her heart and says “Aww!” A man just yells, “How friggin cool is that?”
When a woman is overcome with emotion, happy or sad, she fans her eyes. They do this whether or not they have eye makeup. When a man is overcome with joy, he will clap his hands, or high five his buddy, if he is pissed off, he will break something.
When a young woman takes a selfie, she either sticks out her tongue, or puckers her lips kiss like. When guys take a selfie they wave their arms and holler.
Women somehow are able to hold in a fart. Men will ask you to pull their finger.
Women somehow are able to hold in a belch. Men will try and burp out the alphabet.
When women get a present they neatly unwrap and save the paper. Men tear that stuff off, roll it in a ball and then try to hit a three pointer in the wastebasket.
Women will call a friend just to say hello; they can say hello for hours. Men will only make a call if they have to, and a call seldom lasts more than two minutes.
Women will commonly ask another woman to accompany them to the bathroom. Men only go solo; if they run into someone they know, conversation is discouraged. “Dude” or “How’s it going” is considered conversation.
That’s it, otherwise we are completely alike.