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Thursday, December 3, 2015

WOMEN’s TRICKS


WOMEN’s TRICKS

The following is not meant for women. This post is solely for the edification of men, especially men who are not yet married.  In fact if you are a woman, I forbid you to read this post.

Having lived with many women, a mom, a daughter, and three wives I feel I am qualified to comment on several tricks that those of the female persuasion have in their arsenal. 

These are techniques that women use to keep men on their toes, to make them feel helpless and to trick them into thinking we cannot survive without them.

Number One: - Never let the man think he took initiative.  Women want to make it seem as if nothing would be done without their direction. 

Men – You know you are expected to take out the garbage.  You know the can is full and ready to go out to the trash.  You are going to take it out, but you would just kind of like to wait two and a half minutes to see if the Giants will make or miss a field goal to win or lose a game that you have been watching for three hours. 

Your woman knows this and she will wait…and wait…when the kick is off, when it misses and the game is over and the Giants lose, as you are in the process of prying yourself out of your seat to get up and take out the garbage; THAT, is when your woman will speak.

“WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE OUT THAT GARBAGE, IT IS NOT GOING OUT BY ITSELF?  WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO TELL YOU?”

Number Two: Deflection.  Women know their man cannot multitask and will take advantage of this shortcoming.

Men - When you are about to take out the garbage, she will stop you and ask you to perform some other simple task.

“Oh, before you do that, can you change the light bulb in the basement.” 

By the time you search for the right size bulb, figure out which light she is talking about and change it, you completely forget what you were about to do ten minutes earlier.  That is when your woman will strike.

“WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE?  WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO TELL YOU?”

Number Three: Ignore the chores that your man might do of his own initiative.

If a woman does not see you perform a task, you get no credit for doing it.

For instance:

Your wife is doing laundry, cooking dinner and watching the children (all tasks that men appreciate a great deal).  While she is doing this you mowed the lawn, cleaned the gutters, changed the oil in the car, and replaced the worn front brakes.  You walk into the kitchen and wipe your greasy hands with an old dish towel before grabbing a beer.

“Arrrgh, don’t wipe your grimy hands on that clean towel! Honestly what is wrong with you, and don’t even think of grabbing a beer until you take out the garbage.  WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO TELL YOU?”

That’s it guys, those are the tricks I know.  I am sure there are many others that I just don’t get, many are simply subliminal.  I also have no solutions to defeat these known techniques, other than TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE!



Did any women read this?  Of course you did.  If you want a woman to do something, all you have to do is FORBID it!  We have tricks too.
 
 


20 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I MAY, key word, MAY have been guilty of those things in the past... Hilarious Joe.

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  2. You tricked me Joe - of COURSE I read it!

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  3. I knew deep down you wanted women to read this.... lol

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  4. You forgot 'If you want something done right, do it yourself!' That's why I take out the garbage and the recycling myself!

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  5. Sticks and tricks will make the day
    We all read it, what the hay

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  6. Of course I read this. You mind works in mysterious ways. Just saying.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  7. I READ IT.

    You missed the most important one. One of the most effective ways to trick a man into doing something is to convince him that he came up with the idea all by himself.

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    Replies
    1. Now how could that be when all my ideas are my ideas? Oh...really...dang!

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  8. Hi Joeh,

    Yes - of course that's totally true. What I find is that any task no matter how big or small is equal in a woman's eyes. For example, a mate of mine spent THE ENTIRE DAY laying a wooden floor, almost killing himself in the process. When his wife got home, he had just sat down in his favourite chair, cracked open a beer and started watching the game. She barely noticed the new floor and said "Why haven't you loaded the dishwasher, you lazy bugger?"

    Face it, Joeh, we can't win.

    :o)

    Cheers

    PM

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  9. I've said this before and I'll say it again - You're dancin with the devil :)
    What a scream.
    R

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  10. yep.. i read the forbidden post.

    Come on we are not that bad. We take that oil change for granted the same way you do when your underwear gets magically folded and put away.

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  11. What about the old man-trick of doing your assigned job in such a ghastly, incompetent manner that she never asks you to do it again? Sure, you become the main course at a donkey barbecue (an ass chewing)....once. ;) I think it 's worth it.

    NOTE: If my wife reads this, someone hacked into my blogger account and published this without my knowledge or consent.

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    Replies
    1. What? Don't you think we do it too....

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  12. I don't forbid my wife from doing anything because I enjoy my testicles where they are.

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    Replies
    1. Stephen--you may be EVEN wiser than Joe!!

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  13. You KNOW we were going to read it.

    I take the trash out if it's full, if he doesn't get to it first... If it needs to be done, whoever is available does it. With two exceptions. I agreed to do the laundry if he will do the dishes. He doesn't like doing laundry or the way I load the dishwasher so it's a WIN!

    Here's a tip for the women and to help out you guys. Men don't 'get' hints. You just don't. We might as well spell it out for you to begin with because we will be waiting a lifetime for you to pick up on it otherwise.

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  14. Read it? - Check!
    Agree with it? - Check!
    Do it? - Check!

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  15. It's not as if we have to polish up our act in order to trick you. It's kind of like fake-throwing a tennis ball for a poodle.

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  16. Of course I read it and quite frankly I'm astonished. I don't know any women who do this. I also know many women who take out their own garbage, probably because here in Aus. the bins are kept in the backyard, so we don't have to walk down to the footpath. The bins only get put out there for collection on collection day. Mostly it's the men who take them out and they do it without being nagged.

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