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Friday, December 25, 2015

WHEN I BECOME FAMOUS - a cranky re-run

This cranky re-run is from December 2012

This holiday season I saw numerous products sold by famous people.  What does Justin Bieber know about scents? What does Kim Kardashian know about fashion?  Did these people go to fashion school; did they go to “Smelling-good” university?  I think they only sell stuff because they are famous.  It made me think, what will I sell in case I ever become famous?  Here are my ideas:

OLD SPICEY DUDE  A cologne for cranky old men - A musty, dusty, smell with a hint of grandma’s parlor, old cigars and a touch of gas.

CRANKY TEE SHIRTS  A collection of loosely fitted sleeveless white tee shirts with cranky old man sayings in blurry print:

            “Help, I’ve fallen and I forget which way is up!”

            “I coulda kicked your ass 20 years ago!”

            “If found, please return to a young rich lady with big hooters”

CRANKY BIG FOAM FINGER – Never mind the “we’re #1”; this large foam middle digit lets you flip the bird even with arthritic hands.

A COMB-OVER TOUPEE  For old geezers that want to look younger, but still fit in with their crowd.

CRANKY CRANKY OLD DUDE BOARD GAME - Choose your token piece; a walker, a pair of shoes with the laces tied together, or a Li’l Rascal scooter.  Roll the die to see who can advance 20 squares and go from your bed to the TV in the den.  Watch out for road blocks!  “You hit a shag carpet, lose a turn” or “You crapped your drawers, go to the John, do not pass the handicapped ramp; do not collect your SS check."

These are just a few of my ideas to strike it rich.  All I need is fame and an agent!      


  1. Those all sound like money-makers to me! All you need is an infomercial.

  2. With these, you will be famous in no time! Or should that be, at no time?

  3. I heard a great line in a song yesterday - "I think of you every time I drive by a gas station because of all the grease you used to use in your hair." Wonder if it would fit on a t-shirt.

  4. Suddenly I feel better about myself. Thanks, Cranky!

  5. I can't imagine why Steve Jobs gets all the attention with so little going in your direction. Ha! Merry Christmas.

  6. You ought to be on "Shark Tank"--they'd invest for sure!!

  7. Now that gives me something to ponder dude.


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