STUPID HEADLINES 122015
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| COME TO TEXAS - "We won't kill you if you didn't do it." |
It
is time again for
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider,
sometimes sophomoric comments.
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Drum kit Ringo Starr used in Beatles hits sells for $2.2M – Money
well spent if it keeps RIngo off it.
Canada's Liberal government promises to legalize marijuana – Dude,
pass the chips eh!
New study
reveals eating burnt food may increase your chances of getting cancer – I knew
it! My first two wives were trying to
kill me.
Does the Elf on a shelf contribute to
the surveillance state? I
thought this story was going to be a goof, but no, it is an actual concern and
there was a real study. What a great
country that this is what we have to worry about.
Irish county hopes free lollipops will stop drunken brawls, accidents –
I think this will only increase sucker punches! (That’s
for you Hilary.)
FAA announces drone registration rules as report highlights soaring
dangers – Yes!! Thank you http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2014/11/drone-as-in-moan_22.html
Bill Cosby sues 7 of his accusers – Apparently he
has no case against the other 756 accusers.
Exceptional deep-sea find: ship that once held ancient condiment – If
they are that old, I wouldn’t trust them.
What? Oh you mean like ketchup? Never mind.
Woman is wounded in stabbing at a Florida nudist resort – I
only hope it wasn’t a concealed weapon. (Think about it.)
Naked Man Allegedly Tries To
Carjack A FedEx Truck, But That's Not The Funny Part – The dude didn’t know how to drive the truck! He was arrested because he fit the
description NAKED!!
Muslim judge sworn in on Koran in New York – I cannot
figure out why this is news. What else
would you use to swear in a Muslim?
Tiny kitten rescued from conveyor belt at California recycling plant – One
down, eight to go.
Ivy leaguers sign 'petition' to repeal First Amendment – If
this petition gets its way, all the signers can be arrested for taking part in the
new illegal act of petitioning.
Putin praises Trump as an 'outstanding, talented' man – Another
valuable endorsement. This should
balance off criticism from Michael Moore.
Saudi millionaire who said he
'fell' on teen and 'accidentally penetrated' her cleared of rape – Ahh, the old accidental
penetration defense, works every time…if
you’re a millionaire in Saudi Arabia!
Isis -- the pharma company --
changes its name – Company is changing its name to “Famous Hitler’s Drugs and Shit.”
_______________________________
Come back
next week for more:
STUPID
HEADLINE SUNDAY!!
"Woman is wounded in stabbing at a Florida nudist resort"...ouch!
ReplyDeleteYou know how to tell a blind guy at a nudist colony? He's the one walking around with a limp. ;)
Ha!
ReplyDeleteThough, I trust the kitten doesn't use up it's other 8 lives for a long, long time.
"(Think about it.)"
ReplyDeleteEeeewwww...
Now, thanks to you, I'll be imagining that concealed weapon all day.
ReplyDelete"Famous Hitler's Drugs and Shit" made me literally snort coffee. As for the Ivy Leaguers who want to abolish the First Amendment... well, I could say something rude, but why bother? I mean, I know I'm able to, because of the First Amendment, but I'll save it for when I actually meet one face-to-face.
ReplyDeleteOnly if guilty? Dang, take all the fun out of it :)
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh. That condiment comment was for my 13-year-old self. I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteI won't be able to get that concealed weapon thing out of my head for a while now...
ReplyDelete