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Sunday, December 13, 2015



The Annoying Talking Lady

When we boarded the plane we sat directly behind a 40ish blonde lady who was probably once a high school cheerleader.  Next to her was a dapper grey haired African American gentleman, who had one physical flaw (more on this tomorrow.)

The ex-cheerleader had her hair up into a ridiculous Woody Woodpecker kind of topnotch.  Like the cartoon woodpecker, this lady would not shut up.  She was fascinated with herself.  She was wild, she was crazy, she just did so many outrageous wild things and was just a fun her mind.  If you were stuck listening to her, you knew she was just a giant asshole who thought she was the most interesting person in the world.

I guess if much of your life guys listened to your every stupid word because you were cute and they thought they could get in your pants, you start to think you are fascinating.

The African American gentleman sitting next to her had no interest in getting lucky with this motor mouth, I think he just wanted to take a nap.  Unfortunately he was just too nice and too polite to ask her to shut up, to feign sleep, or excuse himself to read a book.  Instead he encouraged her with a polite laugh and comment after each fascinating story.  He kept giving her an opening to start a new story, and she was not one to turn down an opening.

After forty-five minutes of her chatting, I was lucky enough to nap for an hour.  When I awoke I could not believe she was still at it.  Mrs. C confirmed that there had been no let up, and she seemed certain to continue for the last hour of the flight.

I could take it no longer.  I leaned forward and tapped the gentleman on the shoulder. 

“Excuse me sir, but there is an empty seat next to a crying infant in aisle seven.  The seat is empty because the baby barfed, but I believe it has mostly been cleaned up, if you asked the stewardess I’ll bet she would let you change seats!”

Well, actually I didn’t do any of that, but I sure wanted to!

Tomorrow, “The Rogue Eyebrow Hair dude.”


  1. Excusing yourself to read doesn't work. Right away they'll ask what you're reading, what is it about, are you enjoying it, then go straight into:
    a)how they haven't read a single book since high school, or
    b) launch into a flight long saga about their favourite books and authors and why they like them and have you read any of them.

  2. Another reason i want to avoid flying for the rest of my life (besides being terrified of planes).

  3. haha. love your ad-libs at the ends of these. :)

  4. I'm sure we've all encountered obnoxious people on airplanes and wished we'd said something instead of holding our tongues. Of course these days people get thrown off flights for such things, but sometimes enough is enough.

  5. You, Mr. Cranky, are a student of human nature. Your perceptions
    are always "right on." I wonder if people ever identify with your
    observant scrutiny. I can. LOL

  6. I'm with messymimi - I hope never to get on another plane again in my life. I'm really pretty good about ignoring the talker. I actually do put the book up between them and me and just keep reading. Don't ever respond or you're in trouble.

  7. Airplanes are such interesting places at times. Some of those folks should never be allowed out of their homes. Ever. Bless their hearts.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  8. Amazing diplomacy and tact on your part.

  9. That poor nice man! I've actually been there before, listening to a wind bag brag about all the world traveling she's done. Then later, I kicked myself for being so polite!
    Can't wait til tomorrow!

  10. I was hoping you might have sat next to a lady trying to pass off a 25-pound cheese as a baby...

  11. Ok, I'm getting some ideas for when the hubby and I fly next week. My verbal filter is weaker than yours.


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