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Wednesday, December 16, 2015

OLD PEOPLE ON A BIG BOAT


OLD PEOPLE ON A BIG BOAT
Mrs. Cranky loves cruise ships.  They are not my favorite, but I have enjoyed this latest trip.  One thing there is plenty of on a cruise ship is people watching.  On this trip I have particularly done a lot of old people watching, because this cruise is about seventy-five percent old people.

I know what you are thinking, “But Cranky, you are an old people!”

True, but I don’t feel like one, not on this boat.  On this boat (yes they are called ships Uncle Skip) anyway, on this big boat, compared to the other old people, I am a young pup.

Old People on boats think everything should be like on luxury cruises of the 1950’s.  They dress to the nines for dinner every night and make sure to complain about those who don’t.  I hear them on the elevator, “Honestly, this one man came to dinner with shorts and a plain tee shirt!”

OMG, how could you enjoy a four course meal when someone three tables over was wearing shorts?

Old men on boats believe that if they comb four strands of hair from their left ear all the way over to their right ear they are not bald.  It is a very strange look.  Some old dudes take their comb over’s from both sides and slick them back to the famed duck’s ass of years gone by.  A little tuft in front, bald on top and sides combed back to meet in a style that went out when James Dean bought the farm.  Nice look dude!

Another observation is that if you want old people to get up and move you only have to play Chubby Checker and “The Twist.”  This music magically lifts old people up and onto the dance floor where they can show “these young folk how we used to do it.” Like doing the twist is complicated.  You stand on the balls of your feet, and you what?  That’s right, YOU TWIST!

There is always one old dude who thinks he can still twist down to the floor.  He can’t.  Halfway down he gets embarrassed and barely makes his way back up.

Finally, old people on big boats all pay for the drink package.  Old people all try and get their money’s worth from the drink package.  Old people who get their money’s worth from the drink package think they are very entertaining, especially when they have a captive audience on the elevator.  They make it known that they have been drinking a lot, and treat those who have not as losers.

One old dude was on the elevator at 11 AM bragging about being drunk for the whole cruise.  He looked at me and my normal cranky elevator face and said,

“I’ve been drinking for a week, you should try it.”

I told him, “I tried it every day for fifteen years and it really didn’t work out all that well.”

Actually I didn’t say that, but I wanted to.

That’s my Old People on a big boat observation.  I have sworn that even though I am old, I will never be “Old People on a big boat old.”

17 comments:

  1. I'm with you on that one Joe - I have also resolved never to be Old Person At The Bingo old (you may even have inspired me to write a post about it!).

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  2. I'm married to someone who won't get on a cruise ship, so I guess I will never experience your fun!

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  3. Hahaha! Great post Joe, so true.

    I have authorized the progeny to put me down (like they do with old horses) should I ever become one of those old geezer types. Like those on your boat.

    Yes, yes, I know Skip, it's a ship.

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  4. I've never set foot on a cruise ship, and I doubt I ever will. Something about all the food, drink, and forced gaiety makes me cranky. (Also, I get motion/sea sick.)

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  5. The last ship I was on had mostly young people, mixed with a few middle aged types. And the food left a lot to be desired. (It was an aircraft carrier.). Maybe I should try your barge next time. ๐Ÿ˜

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  6. Hubby hates cruises on the big ships. I can do without them too. Good place to get sick and I have first hand knowledge about that.

    You should have told him what you were thinking. He already knows he's a loser.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  7. I get what you mean about not feeling old especially if you are around older people. I live in a town that is a retirement community; I'm 10 years away from retiring (at least)so I'm younger than a lot of the people which should be a good thing, let I rather be older than the majority in a town with more young people, make sense?

    I think I would like to go on a cruise one time; I think I would spend a lot of time people watching :)

    betty

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  8. I've been on several cruises and there's much truth in what you say.

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  9. Watch it, you young whippersnapper!!

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  10. Joeh...as you may know, I recently was on a 10 day cruise in the Med, on Regency ships. My ending experience, which I will not write about on my blog, were very similar to yours. I even checked in with the ship's doc, seeing who they were, anticipating there would be several codes on the little more than a weeks travel.
    Mine was different than yours...at least the people, sounds like. The cruise I was on was all expenses, everything, food, drinks, etc. In talking to people, it became clear I was aboard with the 1%, and damn near every one was a Tea Party member.
    I tried to enjoy myself, and did mostly. Sailed out through the Straits of Gibraltar, that's enough for me. Was it worth 9K for 9 days? Dunno, probably not for me. For one thing, I don't drink enough expensive liquor to make up the difference.
    But yeah, I did feel young for a week.

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  11. Did they put you in a booster seat at the table, and serve your beverage in a sippy cup?

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  12. You should see drunk young people on a boat (yeah... it's a ship).
    They even had pub crawls while the boat was underway.
    Disgusting!
    Who's gonna clean that up in there?

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