OLD PEOPLE ON A BIG
BOAT
Mrs. Cranky
loves cruise ships. They are not my
favorite, but I have enjoyed this latest trip.
One thing there is plenty of on a cruise ship is people watching. On this trip I have particularly done a lot
of old people watching, because this cruise is about seventy-five percent old
people.
I know what
you are thinking, “But Cranky, you are an old people!”
True, but I
don’t feel like one, not on this boat.
On this boat (yes they are called ships Uncle
Skip) anyway, on this
big boat, compared to the other old people, I am a young pup.
Old People
on boats think everything should be like on luxury cruises of the 1950’s. They dress to the nines for dinner every
night and make sure to complain about those who don’t. I hear them on the elevator, “Honestly, this one man came to dinner with
shorts and a plain tee shirt!”
OMG, how
could you enjoy a four course meal when someone three tables over was wearing
shorts?
Old men on
boats believe that if they comb four strands of hair from their left ear all
the way over to their right ear they are not bald. It is a very strange look. Some old dudes take their comb over’s from
both sides and slick them back to the famed duck’s ass of years gone by. A little tuft in front, bald on top and sides
combed back to meet in a style that went out when James Dean bought the
farm. Nice look dude!
Another
observation is that if you want old people to get up and move you only have to
play Chubby Checker and “The Twist.”
This music magically lifts old people up and onto the dance floor where
they can show “these young folk how we
used to do it.” Like doing the twist is complicated. You stand on the balls of your feet, and you
what? That’s right, YOU TWIST!
There is
always one old dude who thinks he can still twist down to the floor. He can’t.
Halfway down he gets embarrassed and barely makes his way back up.
Finally, old
people on big boats all pay for the drink package. Old people all try and get their money’s
worth from the drink package. Old people
who get their money’s worth from the drink package think they are very
entertaining, especially when they have a captive audience on the
elevator. They make it known that they
have been drinking a lot, and treat those who have not as losers.
One old dude
was on the elevator at 11 AM bragging about being drunk for the whole
cruise. He looked at me and my normal
cranky elevator face and said,
“I’ve been drinking for a week, you
should try it.”
I told him, “I tried it every day for fifteen years
and it really didn’t work out all that well.”
Actually I
didn’t say that, but I wanted to.
That’s my
Old People on a big boat observation. I
have sworn that even though I am old, I will never be “Old People on a big boat
old.”
I'm with you on that one Joe - I have also resolved never to be Old Person At The Bingo old (you may even have inspired me to write a post about it!).
ReplyDeleteI'm married to someone who won't get on a cruise ship, so I guess I will never experience your fun!
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Great post Joe, so true.
ReplyDeleteI have authorized the progeny to put me down (like they do with old horses) should I ever become one of those old geezer types. Like those on your boat.
Yes, yes, I know Skip, it's a ship.
I've never set foot on a cruise ship, and I doubt I ever will. Something about all the food, drink, and forced gaiety makes me cranky. (Also, I get motion/sea sick.)
ReplyDeleteyou go, young pup!
ReplyDeleteThe last ship I was on had mostly young people, mixed with a few middle aged types. And the food left a lot to be desired. (It was an aircraft carrier.). Maybe I should try your barge next time. 😏
ReplyDeleteHubby hates cruises on the big ships. I can do without them too. Good place to get sick and I have first hand knowledge about that.
ReplyDeleteYou should have told him what you were thinking. He already knows he's a loser.
Have a fabulous day. ☺
I get what you mean about not feeling old especially if you are around older people. I live in a town that is a retirement community; I'm 10 years away from retiring (at least)so I'm younger than a lot of the people which should be a good thing, let I rather be older than the majority in a town with more young people, make sense?
ReplyDeleteI think I would like to go on a cruise one time; I think I would spend a lot of time people watching :)
betty
I've been on several cruises and there's much truth in what you say.
ReplyDeleteYou ARE very observant, Cranky.
ReplyDeleteWatch it, you young whippersnapper!!
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteJoeh...as you may know, I recently was on a 10 day cruise in the Med, on Regency ships. My ending experience, which I will not write about on my blog, were very similar to yours. I even checked in with the ship's doc, seeing who they were, anticipating there would be several codes on the little more than a weeks travel.
ReplyDeleteMine was different than yours...at least the people, sounds like. The cruise I was on was all expenses, everything, food, drinks, etc. In talking to people, it became clear I was aboard with the 1%, and damn near every one was a Tea Party member.
I tried to enjoy myself, and did mostly. Sailed out through the Straits of Gibraltar, that's enough for me. Was it worth 9K for 9 days? Dunno, probably not for me. For one thing, I don't drink enough expensive liquor to make up the difference.
But yeah, I did feel young for a week.
Did they put you in a booster seat at the table, and serve your beverage in a sippy cup?
ReplyDeleteYes, i think you can do better!
ReplyDeleteYou should see drunk young people on a boat (yeah... it's a ship).
ReplyDeleteThey even had pub crawls while the boat was underway.
Disgusting!
Who's gonna clean that up in there?
What a scream!
ReplyDelete