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Thursday, April 23, 2015

Paperclip Mailer


Paperclip Mailer
 

The good financial news in 2014 was a merger and a one-time special dividend.  The bad news was not factoring the good news into quarterly income tax payments.  The result of the financial good news / bad news?  An argument with Mrs. Cranky of course.

Was the argument about money?  Was the argument about my failure to pay enough quarterly so we did not have a nasty end-of-the-year surprise? No, that would be too easy.  The argument was about how I mailed my payment.

The accountant gave us a prefilled bill and envelope to send to the IRS along with the check.  His instructions said not to use a staple to attach the check to the bill but be sure to put your social security number on the check.  I followed these instructions, but to be extra safe I paper clipped the check to the bill.

When Mrs. C picked up the envelope to mail it she, Sherlock Holmes that she is, immediately felt the paperclip.

“Why is there a paperclip in the envelope?”

“Because I clipped the check to the bill so they would be processed together.”

“But the instructions said not to staple the check to the bill.”

“I didn’t.”

“Staple, clip, same thing.”

“No, the staple causes tears, so they don’t want staples.”

“Well the paperclip sticks out.  It will catch in the machines the post office uses or the machines the IRS uses.”

“Just what machines are they, special machines to rip to shreds the paperwork of anyone who does not follow the attachment directions to the letter?”

“There are machines.”

“And these machines have special claws so if there is a paperclip they maul all the contents?”

“They say no clips!”

“No, they say no staples. Just mail the damn thing it will be fine.”

“OK, but if that paperclip gets stuck in the machine and tears everything to shreds there will be an IRS fine!”

“Great, now I’m depressed about getting hit with a short payment AND I have to worry about a machine and a damn paperclip!”

“JERK!”

I checked my account today, and the check has cleared.  I swear Mrs. C seemed disappointed when I told her.

17 comments:

  1. LOL; I just mailed the check (grrrrrr) along with the little piece of paper that H&R Block told us to send along; didn't attach it in any way. It too cleared today. Made me wonder why the IRS doesn't do something like a payment system you can pay online, they could get their money a lot sooner that way, but if we owe, it always gets mailed April 15th.

    betty

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  2. Hahaha Oh me Oh my.... That's life in the fast lane for ya.

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  3. I've worked in a mailing centre and Mrs C is right. Paper clips can stuff up the machines. It depends on the thickness, one or two pages clipped together don't often cause trouble, but many pages clipped together cause a bump in the corner and disrupt the flow of letters.

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  4. Sometimes clips or staples do catch in machinery, sometimes not. My friend the accountant says that as long as your SSN is on there, it will get credited to you. Unless someone has stolen your identity, of course.

    My condolences on having to pay extra at the end of the year.

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  5. Ha ha, obviously I'm GLAD that your paperwork didn't get shredded but I share Mrs' C's disappointment just a little ...

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  6. i worked for government. Here's the thing. Government is made up of a bunch of miserable employees being paid about half what they would in the private sector. They never get raises and they generally are dead inside. They LIVE for the moment they can tell you that you didn't do something right so they can make your life miserable. I remember a time when a medical professional couldn't get her license because some loser employee had set it aside for six months. The woman would send her application in and it was missing something, so the employee would set it in an "ignore" pile she'd made up. The applicant would call and complain, the employee would dig the application out and tell her what she'd done wrong, and the applicant would try to fix it but be missing something else. The applicant finally complained to the board and one of the board members said, "We're not in the business of preventing people from getting licenses. We need to HELP them." That board member didn't understand the little power trip this loser employee was having. She actually enjoyed finding a reason to NOT give the applicant what she wanted.

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  7. laughing! it always feels weird to just put things in there loosely, but i do...

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  8. Phew, glad for you that this time the Mrs. was kinda wrong. "Kinda" means I just can't go totally against my gender.

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  9. I worked for government. Here's the thing. Government is made up of a bunch of miserable employees being paid about half what they would in the private sector. They never get raises and they generally are dead inside. They LIVE for the moment they can tell you that you didn't do something right so they can make your life miserable. Bingo on what Stephanie said.

    I do love your conversations with your wife. They pretty much always end the same way. You know, JERK. Love it.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  10. "...a bunch of miserable employees being paid about half what they would in the private sector..."

    Hey!
    We can't all be CEOs.

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  11. A paper clip and a staple are two very different things. If they didn't want "any" binding devices they should say so. I don't think you were in the wrong here.

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  12. I would have been disappointed too after all that arguing. All arguments have money at their root somehow!

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  13. next time do it all online, no envelope necessary. argument optional ;-)

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  14. Good grief, man! If that thing got caught in the machinery, the whole grid could go down! Don't let it happen again.

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  15. There are rules, people! Without rules, there would be anarchy!

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  16. So we're to believe that the IRS has never heard of staple-pullers? I'm sure that if their budget is scrutinized, you will find that they've been paying upwards of $1000 apiece for them.

    I've always stapled, and never had an issue. However...at work when I have a stack of paper-clipped documents, they get stuck on each other.

    I envision tax returns piled on a conveyor belt, and federal Lucy and Ethel trying in vain to sort them, until they must stuff them under their poofy chef hats.

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  17. My accountant efiles our return. I guess if we ever made enough money to have to pay the IRS they could just automatically automatically deduct it from our bank account.

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