THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
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Monday, January 6, 2020
Mrs. C does
not like me to do home renovation projects.The simplest of fixit projects gives her agita.If I try and just tighten a screw to eliminate
a squeak she panics.
It turns out
that there have been male figures in her life who took simple projects and
turned them into disasters. "When I see you with any tool, I get flashbacks!" I told her,
“Just start with
the premise that I am not a complete moron!” In actuality, when it comes to using tools and doing projects, I am not very far above the moron line.
I have been
deliberating a project lately.Our front
entrance has a storm door.Our actual
door offers excellent insulation and I deemed the storm door does
little in terms of keeping heat in and cold out.
installed one of those “Ring” security camera things.It was blocked by the storm door window.It turns out that the camera is heat
activated and with the storm door in place the camera was virtually worthless.
We took out
the window and put in a screen.This allowed
the camera to activate, but at night the screen diffused the light such that
the camera was worthless at night.I
decided to remove the storm door altogether.
until Mrs. C left for work.I made sure
to store all the pieces such that if Mrs. C was not happy, I could easily
reinstall the door.If she is happy with
the change, I will wood putty all the screw holes and slap some paint on the
frame and all will be fine in Cranky land.If she is not happy I can undo the project in about 20 minutes.
resulted in several pieces that I carefully stored in one place in the
garage.As I was disassembling the door
I carefully saved every screw in my coat pocket.My plan was to put all the screws in a small
cup, cover the cup with duct tape and save the cup with all the other parts.
the parts neatly in the garage took about ten minutes of careful planning.My worst fear was if Mrs. C wanted me to reinstall
the door that I would lose any parts.
An “I told
you so” is a powerful deterrent to carelessness.
When all the
pieces were stored, I found a small cup and reached into my pocket for all the
could not have fallen out, not all of them.I searched my every step looking for the screws.They were gone.I had not left the house, I was only in a few
rooms plus the garage, they had to be somewhere.I retraced my steps several times…NOTHING. I searched places I had not even been…NOTHING!
Now I could
replace the screws if needed.They are
cheap, but there were several different sizes, plus if Mrs. C knew I lost them
she would never trust me again to do any project.I would be banned from using any tool other
than a bottle opener, maybe even a bottle opener.
I was in total
panic mode. No way I could have lost the
screws.I clearly planned to put them in
a cup after I put everything else away.Certainly
I would remember taking them out.
an hour I gave up.Maybe I would get
lucky and Mrs. C would not want the storm door put back.No reason to tell her I lost all the screws.
Then as I
was putting away some duct tape I had used to secure some pieces together for
storage, I remembered…I put the screws in a plastic sandwich bag instead of a
cup and taped them up with the other parts so they would be sure to never be