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Monday, January 6, 2020



Mrs. C does not like me to do home renovation projects.  The simplest of fixit projects gives her agita.  If I try and just tighten a screw to eliminate a squeak she panics.

It turns out that there have been male figures in her life who took simple projects and turned them into disasters.  

"When I see you with any tool, I get flashbacks!"

I told her,

“Just start with the premise that I am not a complete moron!”

In actuality, when it comes to using tools and doing projects, I am not very far above the moron line.

I've learned that it is best to only work on projects when Mrs. C is not around.  What she does not see me do cannot freak her out.  Meanwhile I am extra careful to not mess anything up for fear she will hide my tools under a kitchen towel. 

I have been deliberating a project lately.  Our front entrance has a storm door.  Our actual door offers excellent insulation and I deemed the storm door does little in terms of keeping heat in and cold out.

We recently installed one of those “Ring” security camera things.  It was blocked by the storm door window.  It turns out that the camera is heat activated and with the storm door in place the camera was virtually worthless.

We took out the window and put in a screen.  This allowed the camera to activate, but at night the screen diffused the light such that the camera was worthless at night.  I decided to remove the storm door altogether.

I waited until Mrs. C left for work.  I made sure to store all the pieces such that if Mrs. C was not happy, I could easily reinstall the door.  If she is happy with the change, I will wood putty all the screw holes and slap some paint on the frame and all will be fine in Cranky land.  If she is not happy I can undo the project in about 20 minutes.

The removal resulted in several pieces that I carefully stored in one place in the garage.  As I was disassembling the door I carefully saved every screw in my coat pocket.  My plan was to put all the screws in a small cup, cover the cup with duct tape and save the cup with all the other parts.

Storing all the parts neatly in the garage took about ten minutes of careful planning.  My worst fear was if Mrs. C wanted me to reinstall the door that I would lose any parts.

An “I told you so” is a powerful deterrent to carelessness.

When all the pieces were stored, I found a small cup and reached into my pocket for all the screws.



The screws could not have fallen out, not all of them.  I searched my every step looking for the screws.  They were gone.  I had not left the house, I was only in a few rooms plus the garage, they had to be somewhere.  I retraced my steps several times…NOTHING.  I searched places I had not even been…NOTHING!

Now I could replace the screws if needed.  They are cheap, but there were several different sizes, plus if Mrs. C knew I lost them she would never trust me again to do any project.  I would be banned from using any tool other than a bottle opener, maybe even a bottle opener.

I was in total panic mode.  No way I could have lost the screws.  I clearly planned to put them in a cup after I put everything else away.  Certainly I would remember taking them out.

After about an hour I gave up.  Maybe I would get lucky and Mrs. C would not want the storm door put back.  No reason to tell her I lost all the screws.

Then as I was putting away some duct tape I had used to secure some pieces together for storage, I remembered…I put the screws in a plastic sandwich bag instead of a cup and taped them up with the other parts so they would be sure to never be lost.

Do not tell Mrs. C.


  1. Oh my goodness! Ha Ha! I've done the same thing, only not with screws. I can't remember how many times I've put something away in a different type of container then not been able to find it later. Usually because I no longer buy the same amount of something and it's a waste of space to use a large container, so I use a different, smaller one and it takes me a while to remember that when I'm looking for something.

  2. Maybe she want notice the door not being there. I do still remember the racket you heard and it was shelved you repaired.

  3. Someone got a screw loose. In such cases I normally place the item somewhere really unusual to help me remember. For example, I would put the screws in a paper bag and the bag in one of my shoes. Or in the butter dish in the fridge. Or in an envelope which I then post to myself. See ... it's simple and works ... almost every time.

    God bless.

  4. So what is the rest of the story? Did she like the door removed or not?


  5. My spouse worries when he sees me with my hot glue gun or a hammer.

  6. Well,I think Mrs. C is waya too hard on you. Wish I had someone around here willing to repair anything!!

  7. Well, I want to know if you have to put the door back up. That's what I want to know.

    Never a dull moment in your house. I linked this post to Happy Tuesday.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. 😎

  8. That was a close call Cranky. But like the others, I want to know if you needed the screws when she came home or if she loved the door being gone. I have one of those storm doors and doubt it's purpose. It basically just makes getting in with a load of packages a pain.

    1. The jury is still out. Bingo on getting in and out with packages!

  9. I thought maybe you were wearing a different jacket. You almost outsmarted yourself this time! I suppose your super-secret actions were caught on the RING camera?

  10. LOL! How many times have I "lost" something exactly like that!

  11. I get it..I'm with Mrs. C on this. Whenever a project needs done I prepare myself by taking deep breaths, praying to the God of home repairs..I'm sure there is one...and doing eye exercises so I can roll them every 5 minutes during the ordeal. There is no such thing as an easy project. When we were first married and living in our first apartment, Jack decided to replace the covers on the outlets. That was the start of the curse. He got shocked, knocked across the floor. So it goes. His Dad was always the one to come and help us out when we got our first home. When he and Jack would say the immortal words: "This is going to be a cake walk"...I broke out in hives. I'm sure his Dad is laughing at us from heaven as we slog through projects without him. I hope Mrs. C. loves the no door project. Prayers from Ohio

  12. Congratulations! You did a great job. And i put stuff in a safe place, where it belongs, and can't find it after all the time.

  13. haha
    reminded me a story "Careful" if i remember the exact name

    extra fear and care make things worse sometimes lol
    i think you are really smart to do everything excellently dear Joe ,only your fear for her being annoyed made you forget it

    you did not tell what was her reaction about your project ?