Shopping for Christmas is now at full speed ahead. Advertisers want your money. They will make claims. These claims sound very enticing. These claims are lies; lies I tell you.
As a public service we (me) at “The Cranky Old Man” blog offer these explanations for what advertising claims really mean.
50% OFF - Half of the original price that no one in their right mind would pay because it was listed at three times what it is worth!
FREE ESTIMATE – We won’t charge you for telling you how much something costs. Isn’t that nice? No charge to try and have you buy a service.
When I ask for an estimate I advise the salesman that I expect $15 to reimburse me for my time allowing them to try and sell me something. Eventually we settle on no cost to anyone.
SURPRISINGLY AFFORDABLE – Expensive as Hell unless you are wealthy, then it is surprisingly affordable.
LEASE FOR ONLY $140 a month – Often claim from car dealers. $140 from a car dealer means “You just missed out on that offer, but for $375 a month I have a deal for you.”
EASY PAYMENTS – Easy if you have a lot of money.
NO INTEREST FOR A YEAR – Unless you do not pay in full after one year, then you owe all the interest for the full year.
NO PAYMENTS FOR THE FIRST YEAR – The price of your item will reflect this come-on. Kind of like the no interest for a year...the interest is more than baked in.
GET A SECOND (piece of crap) for FREE – Simply pay more for extra shipping and handling than the item is worth.
Money Back Guarantee If Not Satisfied – Just try and prove you are not satisfied, you will be jumping through hoops.
Double Your Money Back If Not Satisfied – See above…Hoops not provided.
Buy While Supplies Last – Purchase now before people find out what a piece of crap this is and we are out of business.
Only $99.99 – Cost us about $3.98 to produce. Anything above $99.99 is “Surprisingly Affordable.”
That concludes this “Cranky Public Service.” Shop carefully!