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Wednesday, October 30, 2019

I Hate Halloween!

I Hate Halloween!

I do not like Halloween.  First of all I don’t really get it.  What are we celebrating?  Zombies, Ghosts, Witches, Goblins…it seems creepy and  anti-religious to me. 

And what the heck is a goblin anyway?

Is this just a day to push the sales of candy which is probably not very good for anyone, especially children?

I hate this one night of not being able to enjoy my crappy reality TV because every three minutes a bunch of costumed rug rats ring the bell looking for stuff.  And half of them don’t even yell “Trick or treet.”

I don’t give candy until I am threatened.  No quid, no quo.

On the first Halloween that I was on my own and living in a large apartment complex, my doorbell rang an 10:30 in the morning.  I answered to a group of fairies and witches hollering,

“Trick or Treat!”

“Trick or treat?  What the heck it’s 10:30, I didn’t even get any candy yet!”

“We can’t go out later, the big kids will egg bomb us!”

This was not the Halloween of my youth.

The Halloween of my youth was a combination of fun, candy and fear.

The making of costumes was fun.  Going from house to house with friends and no parents was fun. (Big brothers or sisters had to make the early rounds with the younger children).  There was candy, tons of candy, and there was fear, fear of bullies taking your candy (never really happened) and fear of the few neighbors you did not know acting like…oh I don’t know, maybe a cranky old man.

I must admit, I did like Halloween as a youngster.  But these days Halloween is not the Halloween I remember.

We made our own costumes; we did not buy them.  A sheet with holes cut up for eyes made a ghost.  Pop Warner helmets and uniforms for boys and ballerina outfits for girls were popular.  Kids made robot costumes out of boxes, houses were turned inside out looking for any old funny stuff that could be used creatively. 

My favorite costume was I stuffed a rubber mask with paper, slammed it on a coat hanger and wore is as a two-headed man.

We did not buy ready-made costumes at Wal-Mart.

Also, lately I see on Facebook people are celebrating Halloween before Halloween.  What’s up with that?  If Halloween falls on a weeknight it isn’t convenient?  Waa!  The weather report isn’t good? Waa! 

And parents are everywhere…damn why won’t parents let their kids alone ever?  Kids are never left alone, how do they get in trouble?  Where do they sneak off to smoke a cigarette? When do they get to just have some unsupervised fun?

Actually, I do get it. 

Communities today are not the same as when I was a rug rat.  We used to know every neighbor.  We knew who to avoid and who to go to twice for the extra good Hershey Bars.  We went with friends and we saw no strangers in our neighborhood.  We knew all the mom’s, because they did not leave every morning to go to work.  If you did something stupid all the moms knew us and you would be reported.

I get it, people don’t have time for made up costumes.  Everyone is working or in some organized activity.

I get it, “Trunk or Treat” brings people together is safe, fun and convenient.

I get it, things change, Halloween has changed.

I get it, I just don’t like it.

And when I holdout a bag of candy, why do I have to say “Just take one!”?

Greedy little humans. 

I hate Halloween!


  1. Oh my gosh! You hold out the BAG? I'm surprised your arm hasn't been ripped off! When we lived in town, we put the candy in a big orange bowl, and dropped a handful into each kid's bag or plastic pumpkin. The best costume I saw was a girl who was a kitchen table. I assume she put her head through a cardboard box, and glued a plastic tablecloth on it to hang down. She had plates and glasses on it, too.

    We also got teenage guys not in costume. I let Hick handle them. He'd give them a hard time. "What do you want?" And they'd say something like, "How about that VCR?" Then he'd say, "No 'Trick or Treat,' no candy." So they'd yell it. I'm shocked that we didn't get egged.

  2. Don't hold out the bag or bowl of candy. Dole it out yourself, one piece into each bag held out. Halloween is beginning to take off here, a few people decorate their houses and yards, but I don't see a lot of trick-or-treat action. The stores make a ton of money selling themed items and bags of lollies, chocolates etc. I buy a fair amount of sweet stuff myself and eat most of it, after putting some in themed cups to take to my kids who really don't need it, being age 38 and up.

  3. Hear in this small town the city(on the street)if raining in the depot building and churches give out candy to the trick a treaters at the churches, but still they come by the houses to get more. I use to enjoy it but now it's to dangerous I stay in and keep my doors locked.

  4. The kids aren't allowed out now. Sad but safer that way with all the murderers that are running loose. However, as a child there was no such thing as celebrating Halloween, therefore we just became stick-in-the-muds.

  5. I loved it as a kid and as a parent of trick or treaters. It's a pain in the ass now.

  6. Haha, this was too funny Joe. But I liked your memories of Halloween from yesteryear... I was just remembering a Devil costume my grandma made for me in the mid 1960s--bright red long underwear with a red pointy tail sewn on the butt with fishing line connecting it to the small of my back so it bounced up and down while I walked. I went with my big brother & little sister, our parents didn't accompany us, and we used pillowcases for big hauls! I'll always have a special feeling about Halloween, but only because it's my birthday and going out trick-or-treating was usually after a fun birthday celebration at home :)

  7. I hate Halloween too and we're heading to the boat this afternoon to avoid the hoards of kids that descend on our neighborhood.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. 😎

  8. My sister and her family lived in the Netherlands for 2 years when their kids were in middle school/high school. Their custom in the Netherlands is that sections of the streets are "cornered off" for handing out treats. Other families contribute to the candy given but it is in literally a "safe zone" with lots of parents watching around the perimeters. I kind of like that unless I'm in that "safe zone" but its only for like 2 hours if I remember what my sister said as that was over 10 years ago.

    I don't mind it so much. I struggled a lot with it when the kids were young as I did wonder about it being anti religious but I resolved that a lot and most of the time we did go trick or treating or to a church festival. When we had the dog, he was used to getting a treat when the doorbell rang and of course we didn't want him to get a treat every time it rang so I got use to just sitting outside or by the door and wait for them to come rather than have the door bell ring. (long story short but he was used to a treat because my paycheck used to get delivered Federal Express before the company did direct deposit and the Federal Express driver always had a treat for people with dogs). Then being the corgi he was, he always expected a treat when the doorbell rang even if it was Mormon missionaries.

    Just be safe out there.


  9. I kind of miss the rug rats and all different types of costumes. Some original, some bought but I live so far out in the country now, no kids. In the day when I lived in a more civilize area, I gave out money. I'd buy rolls of quarters and give each kid a pinch full of coins. That way if there were left overs, I could just put them back in the bank. Money was my favorite treat when I was a kid.

  10. well now you sound like a cranky old man. :-)
    I love Halloween but I don't get the slutty Halloween costumes. Isn't a holiday of scary?
    And those little ones are so darn cute.
    But I had a bowl on my lap and a bigger kid put his whole hand in the bowl. I slapped his hand and said, "Hey you don't do that you say Trick or Treat and I hand you candy. Where are your manners?" My husband about died. He and his 3 peers with him were gang members. I didn't know. I didn't get the bandana thing and why would they be in my neighborhood? My husband stood up and puffed out his chest and nothing happened. The kid said, "sorry and I gave him his candy? They left and my husband said, "Our house is going to be burned to the ground" No it wasn't.

  11. Halloween was fun when I was a kid and a lot safer. As a young adult we participated in Halloween costume parties and those were fun too. As an older adult, with (usually) several dogs in the house (clients), it was a big pain in the ass (bedlam at the door!), so now we just turn off the outside lights and ignore it completely.

  12. Since i get to give the candy, i love it, but i am weird.

  13. I just became an empty nester a little over a year ago. Call me Scrooge, but I don't miss anything kid related. I just need a few years of minimal interaction with kids (except visits from my own) and then I'll convert to grandparent stage.

  14. i am glad that you understand why the Halloween differ from the one you used to celebrate dear Joe

    but of course people who have enjoyed the absolute spontaneity of the festival in their time they cannot be happy with quite artificial arrangements which depicts more show off than a simple event

    what is sad about kids that pick more than once candy that they might learnt such impatience from their elders
    Happy Day and more blessings!

  15. I don't hate Halloween but I do agree it's not at all like it used to be and I think every kid who didn't get the original, fun, Halloween is totally missing out.

  16. Cranky, you always make me laugh! I know this wasn't a funny post but I smiled when I read it because I know many folks who totally agree with you. We live in the country so no trick or treaters here. When we lived in town I loved handing out the candy and always went overboard on the decorations and fun. That's just me. I do love this time of year but I got stuck this Halloween at the hospital and it was a nightmare in the surgery department! Well, it's November and don't forget to turn your clock back. That's a tradition I really wish would go away!

  17. We never turned on our lights but our neighbor did and he said he didn't have a single trick-or-treater.

  18. Have you considered writing a Dr. Suess-like children's book -- How the Cranky Old Man Stole Halloween?


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