Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Why Bother with Grammar?
Why Bother with Grammar?
When I was a young man, teaching grammar in school was a waste of time.
Let out that air I hear you old folks sucking in all aghast*.
Yes, it was a waste of time, because no one uses it today. Incorrect grammar today is glossed over because we don’t want to offend young people. (anyone under 60)
“I had went to my mom house.”
In the olden days, this would have been corrected at home, school or on the job.
“Excuse me, I believe you mean to say that “you had gone to your mom’s house.”
In the old days learning would take place.
“Oh, I have been saying it wrong? Thank you for correcting me”
“No! I had went to my mom house…you be racist!”
“But you’re white.”
“You still be racist!”
So, our young people go through life sounding stupid because no one is willing to correct their (they) grammar. They will never get a job that pays more than minimum wage, but they will not be insulted.
Besides, much of what we were taught in school was either wrong or useless.
When is the last time you have been asked to diagram a sentence?
What about the spelling rule “I before E except after C, or sounds like ay as neighbor and neigh.”
This is a great rule except it is wrong about 40% of the time. Also, is “Neigh” even a word? In my life I have never read, written or spoken the word “Neigh” except in that stupid worthless spelling rule.
How about, “Never end a sentence with a preposition?” This is also a bull crap rule that elitist love to throw at you. The rule should be “Never end a sentence a preposition with, if it sounds stupid.”
I.E. “What are you doing that for?” Does not sound stupid. “Why for are you doing that” sounds stupid.”
I say, no more rules! If It is now alright (all right?) to conversate, then anything goes. Don’t worry about tenses, we probably know what you mean. Commas and punctuation are for sissies. The possessive “’S” is a waste of an apostrophe and a letter; we probably know what you mean.
Speaking “correct” English grammar is elitist and racist. Sounding like a complete idiot who never bothered to attend school is cool. Don’t correct your children’s grammar, encourage them to sound stupid.
The day will soon come when someone will say, “The other day I went to my mother’s house.” And they will be shamed with, “You mean ‘You had wented to you mom house’ doncha.”
Enough with grammar, why teach what is a moving target.
“Forsooth perchance thou meant to relate ‘Thou hath gone forth to the house of your Mother.’”
*Just to be clear, this is satire, and yes, I expect there to be a few grammatical errors that need to be corrected…have at it.