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Sunday, July 10, 2016

Rules for eating at the beach

Rules for eating at the beach

A cranky re-run from July 2013

I am currently down on the fabulous New Jersey Shore for a few weeks vacation.  I know, I’m retired so vacation from what?  We'll just call it a change of venue.


I was perusing the internet and I could not pass up this article from “The Daily Meal” whatever that publication is.  The article was

Rules For Eating At The Beach

I will be going to the beach every day, so I should make sure I know the rules for eating at the beach.  I have been going to the shore all my life.  I have been eating at the beach all my life; I hope I haven’t broken any eating at the beach rules.  Well according to “The Daily Meal” here are the rules:

1.     Do not feed the sea gulls.

Who knew?  I am so glad I learned this rule.  Now I know that if you feed the gulls they will descend upon you by the hundreds and they will steal all your food and shit on your head.  Makes sense…ok I’ll follow this rule. 

Well actually I have never fed the sea gulls on the beach even without knowing it was a rule.  I have never fed them because I’m pretty sure that if you do they will descend upon you by the hundreds and steal all your food and shit on your head.

2.    Ice Cream

Don’t take ice cream in a cooler; it probably won’t stay cold enough for very long.

This is a rule?  This is not a rule, this is common sense. Only an idiot would pack ice cream in a cooler to take to the beach.  In all my years of going to the beach I have never heard of or seen anyone pack ice cream in a cooler.  That is probably why every beach in New Jersey has an ice cream guy hawking ice cream up and down the beach all day long.  #2 probably does not have to be a rule.

3.    Find a Good Parking Spot

Weather solo or in a group find a spot close to the water, but away from garbage.  Garbage attracts sea gulls.

Another great rule.  Imagine going to the beach and going close to the water…what a great idea, and staying away from garbage! Terrific rule.  All these are great rules and very informative. 

I am, however, surprised that there are only three rules. I think they left out some important rules.  Such as:

Just because it is a sandwich, don’t put sand on it.

Do not go swimming with a hotdog.

Don’t feed the Great White Sharks.

There, now I think all of the rules for eating at the beach are covered.  So go all you beach lovers, enjoy eating at the beach




  1. When I was young I spent entire summers at the beach which was a five minute walk from my house. I'd get up with the sun and head on down there and come home as the sun was setting. Never took any food with me and probably didn't eat all day long, since I don't remember going home for lunch.

  2. Don't feed the seagulls... they know how to dive-bomb and steal. They like ice-cream too.

    I love your realism.

  3. I used to pack ice cream sandwiches in the cooler :) good times.

  4. How about, pick up your own *%^^$#@$$* garbage, instead of leaving all the wrappers and packaging and zip top bags for the rest of us to either stare at or have to pick up ourselves because you were too lazy to do it yourself?

    Sorry, i had to say it. Every year, when i go to Florida and walk on the beach of a state park nature reserve i have to take a trash bag with me, and i get a bit resentful about it.

  5. No rule against martinis on the beach? That's my kind of beach!

  6. Aw I miss the beach and yes--feeding the gulls. They are real clowns and I have yet to be crapped upon.
    Messymimi added a really great rule.

  7. Yes, don't feed the great white sharks, especially if YOU are the meal.

  8. I like the long skinny signs at some beaches that list all the red circle no-no's -- no glass, no dogs, no cigarettes, etc, -- ending with have a fun day.

  9. You'd do better to read "Rules for Eating in Mrs. C's Kitchen."

  10. Some of these rules I wouldn't even think of doing. Well now I might because you told me, but still.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  11. Who thinks of these rules anyway? Mine would be "don't eat with sand on your hands, you're going to end up eating sand."


  12. I would add "No glass containers" and "If something moves under your foot, remove your foot quickly and get as far away as possible."

  13. Is that article supposed to be a joke? I feel like anyone making "Find a Good Parking Spot" a rule has never actually been down the Jersey shore....

  14. Rules are meant to be broken!!

  15. Just enjoy the surroundings; when you get hungry, it's time to go eat somewhere else.

  16. I saw my first sea gull at the Great Salt Lake, in 1980. I offered it a grape. It wheeled back and took the bag from my other hand. lesson learned.

  17. Omgosh. I laughed so hard at this!! I didn't know there were rules either but man am I glad you posted these because how would we know otherwise? I'm really starting to wonder how I survived the shoreline of Lake Michigan all these years. :) Funny, funny post.

  18. Great advice, Cranky. If I ever go to the beach....doubtful, but possible....I'll keep your sage words in mind. :)

  19. Lol, this reminds me of the recent news story about not leaving your kid in the car and staying hydrated. What would we do without these news sources yo protect us?