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Sunday, November 18, 2012

STUPID HEADLINES 111812


STUPID HEADLINES 111812

The power is back and so are Cranky’s Stupid Headlines of the week, my stupid headlines and stupider, sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
 
Invisibility cloak now a reality, scientists say – “No really, it works…its right over…where the fuck is it?
Invisibility Cloak

Arizona woman runs down husband with car for not voting – Imagine if he voted the wrong way!

‘GIF’ named word of the year by Oxford American Dictionary – Gif for Graphics Interchange Format.  Personally I voted for Adew - Acronyms Don’t Equal Words.

Ohio woman who drove on sidewalk to avoid school bus holds 'idiot' sign under court order – Idiots protest Ohio woman carrying “Idiot” sign for insulting Idiots.

4 Surgeries to AvoidNeckectomy, penilectomy, heart transplant from a Republican, brain transplant from a Democrat.

Judge Judy celebrates 70th birthday in white bikini – OK, this one time I gotta disagree with Judge Judy!
 

North Carolina judge nixes New Year's Eve possum dropJudge rules with PETA and slowly lowering the possum in a cage is not allowed.  Strangely, it seems shooting the little bugger between the eyes and dropping him from a tree at mid-night New Year’s Eve would be within the law.

Holder, Mueller face mounting questions on why Petraeus probe kept under wraps – "face mounting questions?" "Petraeus probe under wraps?" Come on, this is just way too easy!
Senator-elect Angus King sides with Democrats – Maine Senator Angus King replaces Olympia Snowe…I don’t know a thing about their politics, but do Maine politicians have GREAT NAMES or WHAT?

That's a mouthful: South Africa police say man swallowed 220 diamonds Talk about expensive taste!*

Ex-teacher says school officials told her to 'train' her breasts to not make milk at work – Teacher’s breasts could roll over and sit up and beg, but they would not stop making milk!

Rhode Island man's fake money had Lincoln's face instead of Franklin's, police say – Other than that it was a perfect counterfeit.

Cracker Jack’d: New version of Cracker Jacks to contain caffeine – GreatalittlecaffeinewithaMonsterpowerdrinkloveitcauseyoucanthaveenoughenergydoIstillgetafreeprize?

Twinkies? Chris Christie Doesn't Want No Stinkin' Twinkies New Jersey Governor strongly denies he is Gay…not that it matters.

 
*Cranky Old Man apologizes for obvious easy joke…it’s the Tourette’s.

9 comments:

  1. The world just keeps giving us material, doesn't it? Another funny post, funny man!!

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  2. omg, the Homicide Victims one cracked me up. You done did good on these. Wait, the newspapers done did good. You just found them for us.

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  3. Lots of fun here, but that first one really made me laugh--homicide victims not talking to police. Dark, but I like it.

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  4. The "Invisibility cloak now a reality" makes me think of the Emperor's New Clothes!

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  5. Thanks for the grins. You can't make this stuff up. Well, even if you did truth is stranger than fiction.

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  6. Like Stephen I thought the first one was great, I always wondered why they never talked :)

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  7. Definitely love stopping over for your "Cranky" Stupid Headlines. Hilarious as always. Ya know on Gen Patraeus doesn't it seem really funny how that all came about in a weekend, and yet they still have no clue about the origins of the hacker group Anonymous? :) And dang there went my hopes of Possum Drop Soup on New Years Eve- dang Peta! :)

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  8. Well, of COURSE homicide victims don't talk to police; I mean, the guy already killed them; just imagine what he might do if they talked. . .

    Judge Judy in a bikini. . . resisting the urge to poke my eyes out with knitting needles. . .

    No, I really want to know about those 'mounting questions' and Petraeus' probe. . . OK, no I don't; not really. . .

    As to the training of breasts, that 'sitting up and begging' thing is my favorite. . . They do make 'nursing pads' that catch the, uh, leakage, so it doesn't show on the clothes; my wife breast-fed eight kids, so I'm familiar with such things. . .

    I've actually heard similar things, about employers telling folks that their father's funeral was really inconvenient right now, and could they please reschedule it?

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