PARKING PET PEEVE
One of my pet peeves is people that park their car directly behind my driveway. I hate backing out of the driveway anyway, but it is particularly annoying when I have to be careful to not ram your STUPID FRICKING CAR that you just had to park directly behind my driveway!
I am not an unreasonable man, I understand on a busy road sometimes there is nowhere else to park. But when you have a choice??
Years ago, my across the street neighbor in a fairly exclusive NJ suburban McMansion neighborhood, insisted on parking her car on the street directly behind my driveway. All of these houses had two to three car garages, and double wide driveways, so there was no reason to ever park on the street.
This neighbor was an extremely stupid woman with a three car family who insisted it was a convenience to park one car on the street. She did not want to park it directly in front of her house as that would distract from the magnificence of her home, so she parked it just behind her lot and directly where I had to take great care not to ram her every time I backed out of my driveway.
Just in case you may take umbrage with my characterization of this woman as being stupid, let me cite a few examples:
A local organization held a 50/50 drawing to raise money. Ordinarily these raffles charge a dollar a ticket or three for five dollars. This organization decided to just offer one choice. Each raffle ticket cost five dollars. Mrs. Stupidhead from across the street complained rather loudly, “Five dollars a ticket! For five dollars we should get at least three tickets!”
Yeah, jerkweed, that’ll change the odds.
Not convinced this lady was a complete numnutz?
This neighbors surname was Dickson. Her teenage girls whined that some kids in school teased them because of their name…DICKson. In order to appease her precious daughters she had the surname legally changed…to…wait for it… DECKson.
Anyone who knows anything at all about teenagers would know that if you ended one school year named Dickson and returned in the fall named Deckson it would not eliminate the name teasing, but would in fact exacerbate the taunting.
My son’s middle name is Dixon from my grandmother’s maiden name. She would roll in her grave if anyone tried to dishonor the name by changing it to Dexon. Anyway, I used to joke that I was surprised that since her kids were being teased over their name that she didn’t have it legally changed to DICKhead! She was that stupid.
So the stupid neighbor continued to park where it was difficult to back out of my driveway without hitting her car. One day a young lady who was visiting my son, backed out of our driveway without expecting that someone would park their car directly behind our driveway when there were so many other non-stupid places to park. She rammed directly into Mrs. Dickheads car.
The young lady came into our house very upset and explained what just occurred.
“Was there any damage to your car?”
“Was there any damage to the parked car?”
“Yes! There is a huge dent to the driver side door.”
“Did anyone see you?”
“You have a nice day then.”
If you are reading this Mrs. Dickhead, and I am not sure you can read, “Good!”
Hmmm…make that “FUCKING GOOD!!.....Dickhead.”