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Wednesday, November 7, 2012



Here is an example of what makes me cranky. 
One of my pet peeves is people that park their car directly behind my driveway.  I hate backing out of the driveway anyway, but it is particularly annoying when I have to be careful to not ram your STUPID FRICKING CAR that you just had to park directly behind my driveway!

I am not an unreasonable man, I understand on a busy road sometimes there is nowhere else to park.  But when you have a choice??

Years ago, my across the street neighbor in a fairly exclusive NJ suburban McMansion neighborhood, insisted on parking her car on the street directly behind my driveway.  All of these houses had two to three car garages, and double wide driveways, so there was no reason to ever park on the street.

This neighbor was an extremely stupid woman with a three car family who insisted it was a convenience to park one car on the street.  She did not want to park it directly in front of her house as that would distract from the magnificence of her home, so she parked it just behind her lot and directly where I had to take great care not to ram her every time I backed out of my driveway.

Just in case you may take umbrage with my characterization of this woman as being stupid, let me cite a few examples:

A local organization held a 50/50 drawing to raise money.  Ordinarily these raffles charge a dollar a ticket or three for five dollars.  This organization decided to just offer one choice.  Each raffle ticket cost five dollars.  Mrs. Stupidhead from across the street complained rather loudly, “Five dollars a ticket!  For five dollars we should get at least three tickets!” 

Yeah, jerkweed, that’ll change the odds.

Not convinced this lady was a complete numnutz?

This neighbors surname was Dickson.  Her teenage girls whined that some kids in school teased them because of their name…DICKson.  In order to appease her precious daughters she had the surname legally changed…to…wait for it… DECKson.

Anyone who knows anything at all about teenagers would know that if you ended one school year named Dickson and returned in the fall named Deckson it would not eliminate the name teasing, but would in fact exacerbate the taunting.

My son’s middle name is Dixon from my grandmother’s maiden name.  She would roll in her grave if anyone tried to dishonor the name by changing it to Dexon.  Anyway, I used to joke that I was surprised that since her kids were being teased over their name that she didn’t have it legally changed to DICKhead!  She was that stupid.

So the stupid neighbor continued to park where it was difficult to back out of my driveway without hitting her car.  One day a young lady who was visiting my son, backed out of our driveway without expecting that someone would park their car directly behind our driveway when there were so many other non-stupid places to park.  She rammed directly into Mrs. Dickheads car. 

The young lady came into our house very upset and explained what just occurred.

“Was there any damage to your car?”


“Was there any damage to the parked car?”

“Yes!  There is a huge dent to the driver side door.”

“Did anyone see you?”


“You have a nice day then.”

If you are reading this Mrs. Dickhead, and I am not sure you can read, “Good!”

Hmmm…make that “FUCKING GOOD!!.....Dickhead.       


  1. Ha! That's so cool that her car got rammed. Did she stop parking there, after that incident?

    Some people...are just idiots. No getting around it, they just ARE. I can't believe she changed her last name's spelling. If she was going to change the last name, she should have CHANGED THE LAST NAME entirely, not just the spelling. E or I ... it's still sounding the same and you are right: the kids at school won't be fooled and will just tease all the more. I have a friend with the last name of Dickey. Yea, he was teased, but he was a really cool guy, a fun guy, a smart guy, and a popular guy...and he just ignored it or smiled and said, "ha ha" and rolled his eyes. No need to change his name. My other friend had the last name of Peck. They called her "pecker" all the time. She just smiled, rolled her eyes, ignored it... no need to change her name. She was president of the class, cheerleader, very well liked and had lots of friends. But yea, we called her Pecker from time to time. No big whoop, we just did. She did not change the spelling of her name to Pick. If she did, we would have still called her Pecker.

  2. Bahaha...glad you got that off your chest Cranky!

  3. She should move into my house when I leave - sounds like she would be a good neighbour for Mrs B to have....

    Lou :-)

  4. Am I to assume that power has been restored, snice you post makes no reference of being in Lowe's car park? I certainly hope so :-)

  5. I remember being equally frustrated when we lived downtown in an old house with a driveway, a rarity in the downtown area which we paid a pretty penny for. People didn't care that it was our driveway and parked directly across it, making it impossible for us to pull our car in or out. I had the local tow company on speed dial and they always managed to be at our place in a matter of minutes. It is strangely satisfying to see cars towed away from your driveway. This happened about twenty times in the five years we lived there, and I enjoyed the show more each time. Particularly when the driver showed up and started a futility rant.

  6. We live in a school traffic zone and there is a "No Stopping" area in that zone immediately outside our home that extends either side of the school driveway entrance. Many parents dropping off or picking up their 'rug rats don't like this so they park in our driveway and many leave their vehicles and go into the school.

  7. Who the hell would change their last names to appease teenagers...teenagers hate everything what a dumb ass. Welcome back Cranky

  8. All I can say is that it sounds like she was asking for it, wonder if she ever noticed the dent Ha Ha

  9. LOL! Don't you just love it when someone gets what's coming to them and you didn't have to lift a finger?