Headlines 042212

Headlines 042212

Sunday is time again for Cranky’s silly headlines and even sillier, sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

Suspect in Okla. shootings says he's not racist – “I may be a cold-blooded murderer, but I am not a racist!”

Taliban commander hands himself in, demands $100 reward – “Or Else!!”

Woman sexually assaulted by husband ordered to pay alimony – He’s in jail how is he expected to earn a living?

TRENDING: Damon: I'd kiss Bush – Not sure this is a new trend Matt, but whose bush?

Dortmund can clinch Bundesliga title Saturday - Dortmund hosts Monchengladbach, but Bayern Munich visits Werder Bremen earlier in the day, and a defeat or tie from the record champions will seal Dortmund's title. 

I know that I am just on the edge of my seat over this!

6-year-old allegedly locked in jail cell as part of school field trip – First graders are looking forward to next week’s class trip to the “Bunny Ranch.”

Missouri Man Faces 30-Year Prison Term for Stealing 52-Cent Doughnut – If he took the jelly-doughnut he would be looking at “LIFE!”

Wisconsin Nude Beach Has Sex Problem – Go figure!

Starbucks to Stop Using Crushed Beetles as Dye in Drinks – PETA action against crushing the beetles has convinced Starbucks to dye drinks with uncrushed beetles.

‘Pregnant man’ Thomas Beatie splits from wife – Wife suspects man of cheating.

California teacher fired for porn appearances fighting to get her job back – Teacher in a mission to get back in her old position will fight doggy-style if needed, claims superintendent is just being anal and needs to suck it up!

Texas prom queen who collected $17G arrested in fake cancer scam – Why would anyone give money for this?  I’m pretty sure that Fake Cancer has a 100% cure rate!