NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Saturday, May 13, 2017

STUPID HEADLINES 051417

STUPID HEADLINES 051417
It’s time again for
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 
______________________
Family dog wakes up owners during home fire in Minnesota – Before you dog lovers start that, “a cat would never do this” gloating, the dog and his owners live in Texas.
Florida girl, 10, pries open alligator's jaws to free herself – Holy Crap!  That is one brave and strong little girl!!
United Airlines flies woman to San Francisco instead of France – All the way to SF she screamed, “Please, drag me off this plane!”
'Nightmare house' Zillow listing tells buyers: Don't ask about mysterious occupant upstairs – This one might be on the market for a while!
DC lawmakers speak out after Arboretum guard ‘yelled’ at children on field trip – Ooh…These poor kindergarten children will be scarred for life.  Yelled at! Where is the humanity?  Also, where are the chaperones to tell five-year-old’s not to play on the grass when in a museum for agriculture?
Sears CEO on Turnaround Try: 'I Am Not in Denial' – Why would anyone think Sears is in trouble?  Just the other Saturday I saw four or five cars in their parking lot.
OPEC to U.S.: Please don't pump so much oil! – “Sure, whatever you say…on the other hand eat s***!”
Scientists plan to trap a ship in Arctic ice – Shhh, be very quiet, here comes one now.
Scorpion scare causes delay on United flight out of Houston – Order was restored after armed guards dragged the enraged arachnid off the plane…lawsuit to follow.
That Time Jimi Hendrix Opened for the Monkees- That’s a bit like Shakespeare writing the forward to a Dean Koontz novel.
PARIS HILTON CLAIMS SHE INVENTED THE SELFIE – We should name a street after her for this great accomplishment, instead of Elm Street how about Annoying-Blonde-Rich-Slut Drive?
AND THE FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK:
Wild Baby Kangaroo Still Comes Home to Hug His Teddy Bear After Release – Aww
__________________________
COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

12 comments:

  1. You gotta admit that little kangaroo story is cute. Aw ...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know I don't comment all the time, but I always love these. The Monkees and Hendrix. I would have loved to have been at that one. No, really - I liked both of them!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The kangaroo is pretty cute, but the dog waking his family about a house fire in Minnesota is impressive, wonder how he knew a house was burning all the way in Minnesota.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Why couldn't Paris Hilton invent the selfie? Al Gore invented the internet!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Apparently that alligator tried to eat Wonder Girl

    ReplyDelete
  6. Loved your take on trapping ships.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Annoying-Blonde-Rich-Slut Drive? Bwahahahahahahaha. You captured her perfectly.

    I linked you to Silly Sunday as usual.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

    ReplyDelete
  8. Aw...what a cute little guy hugging his teddy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "OPEC to U.S.: Please don't pump so much oil!"

    I'm thinking we should start hiring for a third shift. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Sears CEO on Turnaround Try: 'I Am Not in Denial' – Why would anyone think Sears is in trouble? Just the other Saturday I saw four or five cars in their parking lot."

    Ha, just today I drove past Sears and they actually had a HIRING sign out front. They are in major denial.

    ReplyDelete
  11. That Florida girl learned what to do about that alligator at Gatorland! (That's where I learned it, too, only I haven't had to use that skill yet)

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

Oh, and don't be shy, Never miss a Cranky Post.

Sign up for an email of every post...over there...on your right...go on!