STUPID HEADLINES 051417
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.
Family dog wakes up owners during home fire in Minnesota – Before you dog lovers start that, “a cat would never do this” gloating, the dog and his owners live in Texas.
Florida girl, 10, pries open alligator's jaws to free herself – Holy Crap! That is one brave and strong little girl!!
United Airlines flies woman to San Francisco instead of France – All the way to SF she screamed, “Please, drag me off this plane!”
'Nightmare house' Zillow listing tells buyers: Don't ask about mysterious occupant upstairs – This one might be on the market for a while!
DC lawmakers speak out after Arboretum guard ‘yelled’ at children on field trip – Ooh…These poor kindergarten children will be scarred for life. Yelled at! Where is the humanity? Also, where are the chaperones to tell five-year-old’s not to play on the grass when in a museum for agriculture?
Sears CEO on Turnaround Try: 'I Am Not in Denial' – Why would anyone think Sears is in trouble? Just the other Saturday I saw four or five cars in their parking lot.
OPEC to U.S.: Please don't pump so much oil! – “Sure, whatever you say…on the other hand eat s***!”
Scientists plan to trap a ship in Arctic ice – Shhh, be very quiet, here comes one now.
Scorpion scare causes delay on United flight out of Houston – Order was restored after armed guards dragged the enraged arachnid off the plane…lawsuit to follow.
That Time Jimi Hendrix Opened for the Monkees- That’s a bit like Shakespeare writing the forward to a Dean Koontz novel.
PARIS HILTON CLAIMS SHE INVENTED THE SELFIE – We should name a street after her for this great accomplishment, instead of Elm Street how about Annoying-Blonde-Rich-Slut Drive?
AND THE FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK:
Wild Baby Kangaroo Still Comes Home to Hug His Teddy Bear After Release – Aww
COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY