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Saturday, April 2, 2016

Stupid Headlines 040216


Stupid Headlines 040216
It is time again for
This is just awful!!
That should be little person.
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  
______________________________
Alabama boy, 10, steers truck to safety after harrowing 10-mile ordeal – They start early in Alabama.
Hero
Kid was a hero…In New Jersey they’d fine him for not having a driver’s license.
City birds are smarter than rural birds – Maybe book learning, but rural birds have more common sense.
Florida Man steals BMW he tried to buy with food stamps – I hear the BMW is a sweet ride, but I’m pretty sure that does not qualify as food.
First-time flier mistakes emergency exit for bathroom – First and I assume last-time flier.
Oops! Rhode Island tourism video features Reykjavik, Iceland – Is there really that much difference in the winter?
Flying saucer found smashed to bits in Roswell, suspect in custody – Police described the suspect as a small man with a big head and tiny ears.  He appeared to be high on pioeouieemium at the time.
First graders suspended after plotting to kill classmate – Wow, suspension!  They are getting tough these days.  When I was in school plotting to kill a classmate was good for only one, maybe two hours of detention.
New Jersey's ban on headstone sales takes effect – Fortunately I bought mine on Black Friday at half price.
Brewers pitcher suffers serious injury taking off his shoe – I once threw my back out putting on my pants.  This is why I now always stretch before I dress or undress.
Angry customer unleashes 13-foot snake in restaurant – The article does not say if he took the leash off, or if the snake just slithered out of his collar.
China is Now The World's Largest Beer Market – Actually that should be largest BEEL market.
Mom charged after making kids walk more than 3 miles to school in the cold – Oh big deal, I did this every day, into the wind and uphill…both ways!

Come back next week for more:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

16 comments:

  1. I suspect the headline writer was the victim of a city bird saying, "Pssst! Buddy! I've got a hot tip on the third race..."

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  2. My favorite is the passenger mistaking the emergency door for the bathroom! Your comment made me laugh out loud!! "First and I assume last-time flier." The best! Hahahaha!

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  3. I have a two-fer for you today:

    "First-time flier mistakes emergency exit for bathroom"
    So THAT'S what that stain was down the side of the plane!"

    "Brewers pitcher suffers serious injury taking off his shoe" Just how fragile are baseball players, anyway?

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  4. I love your stupid headlines. I love your remarks about the headlines even more.

    I linked you to Silly Sunday.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  5. That guy must have been saving up his food stamps for a long time. He must have been so disappointed, no wonder he stole it.

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  6. I look forward to your Stupid Headlines every week!!

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  7. A ban on headstone sales? In my never-ending quest to understand the world, I actually plan to look that up.

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  8. That's what you get when you think it's cool to have wild creatures "waiting to appear in the next act." I wish he'd swallowed the entire cast! Stupid circuses!

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  9. First-time flier mistakes emergency exit for bathroom??? Either way, it was "Oh shit!"

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  10. I guess that's better than mistaking the bathroom for the emergency exit. People would pile up like that marching band misled down the alley in Animal House!

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  11. How do you sneak a thirteen foot snake into a restaurant? That's a darn big snake for nobody to notice.

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  12. Funny stuff, although the last one does make me a bit sad. When did kids become hothouse flowers?

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  13. Man, you covered a lot of stuff for us. A van on headstones? Uh?

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  14. Walking to school in the cold is an offence? Who knew I was abused as a child.

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