PAT PAULSON FOR PRESIDENT
A cranky opinion for
Cranky Opinion Saturday
The following is the opinion of a cranky old man who knows nothing of the subject opined. Opposing opinions are welcome, but it is satire so…
Pat Paulson was a comedian who ran for President in 1968, 1972, 1980, 1988, 1992, and 1996. He ran on the Straight Talking American Government Party, or the STAG party. He died in 1997.
TV finds a way to bring back many departed people in advertisements and movies. I don’t know how they do it, the miracle of computers I guess. We should bring back Pat Paulson. We need him now. Next to the group of candidates from both parties currently running for President, Pat Paulson no longer seems like just a comedian.
I think he could win.
Pat Paulson who ran on a campaign slogan
“Just a common, ordinary, simple savior of America's destiny."
Pat Paulson who had an answer for everything. When caught making a historical error or an obvious mistake in economic theory or international politics Pat responded with his trade mark,
“Picky... picky... picky”
Pat Paulson who had a firm position on immigration;
"All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian." (He could change that to Native American)
"I don't want to say too much about illegal immigration. I'm afraid my views will be reported on the Cinco O’clock News."
Pat stirred the crowd with these gems:
"I've upped my standards. Now, up yours."
"If elected, I will win.”
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman."
“I am neither left wing nor right wing; I am middle-of-the-bird."
These slogans worked up his crowd of supporters and they chanted back,
"We can't stand Pat!"
So for this Saturday’s opinion, I call for bringing back Pat Paulson, a candidate who really knows how to talk out of both sides of his mouth:
I am a cranky old man, and I support this message.
The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky